Category Archives: Teens

Information that has been obtained from teens that have participated in our workshops

An Amazing New Life and Home

Revelation 21:1-17; John 14:1-7

Points to Ponder

  1. We will see the transformation of heaven and earth (Revelation 21:1).
  2. God will dwell on earth with us because of his divine love for humanity (Revelation 21:2-3).
  3. We will be purified of our sinful ways (Revelation 21:4).
  4. We will have a new beginning greater than anything we can envision because we have remained faithful (Revelation 21:5-7).
  5. Those of us with an unrepentant heart and engrossed in ungodly behaviors will not have a new life with God (Revelation 21:8).
  6. God shows honor to his people for their faithfulness (Revelation 21:9-14).
  7. God’s earthly home will be amazing to see and enjoy for eternity (Revelation 21:15-17).

Something to Consider

God has revealed his perfect plan for Christians. He gives hope through the Revelation of John. It’s clearly written in the scripture that God’s love for us is remarkable and unwavering. He will live with us on earth. He will transform everything for his glory. We are privileged to be a part of an amazing new life with God and our family.  We must embrace His promises as we observe moral values decaying in this world.  We must share the hope we believe about God’s incredible promises:

(1) He will wipe away every tear from our eyes. 

(2) There will be no more death.

(3) Neither shall there be mourning,

(4) There will be no crying.

(5) There will be no pain.

(6) God will live with us.

(7) There will be a new earth and new heaven.

We will have an amazing new life and home. We must eagerly share the future hope we have in Jesus to everyone before it’s too late.

Teenagers Share What They Learned To Do Differently After Attending An Anger Management Class

Here are comments from teenagers that attended the Keys to Success Anger Management Class. It’s always amazing to me how teenagers know what they need to do but often times ignore making the right choices. I haven’t met many teenagers who don’t sincerely regret the wrong choices they have made.  It’s our responsibility to forgive them and help to do better in the future.


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What did you learn from the Anger Management Class?

 

  • I learned easier ways to handle situations, how to control your attitude and actions and to have a positive attitude.
  • When you look at a problem different instead of letting your attitude take over the problem.
  • I learned to stay positive and not to get down on myself. Also, I learned that if you control your attitude and temper you can live a lot more stress free and open.
  • I learned that attitude and temper can be controlled that a person has to control it for the betterment in their environment.
  • Control my attitude and temper on a positive way.
  • I learned how to control my attitude and temper that only I can control.
  • Say sorry when wrong, think positively and respect adults.
  • I learned how to control my attitude and temper and to accept what others see of me and how they think of me.
  • Learned how to control my attitude and temper.
  • I learned that there are many people out there that have anger too and I’m not the worst at all or the only one.
  • I learned that controlling your attitude and temper can get you way further in life.
  • I learn that attitude and temper can hurt your future even your peers.
  • That there are many ways to stay calm.
  • That it taught me to work well with others and help change my life to make things easier.

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What will you do differently as a result of this Anger Management Class?

 

  • Look at the problem and make if funny so I won’t get the police called on me.
  • I will take advice from this class and from this book.
  • Take situations carefully and respect others more and myself as well.
  • React to situations differently and control my actions.
  • Respect myself and others and communicate respectfully in a kind way.
  • I will work hard on my attitude; try to be respectful, helping and considerate to others.
  • Control myself and try as hard as I can.
  • To be control means I can better control myself.
  • I will see myself trying hardest to make a lot more friends at school and get good grades and be kind to parents.
  • I will think about my actions first.
  • Think about Mr. and Mrs. Attitude and Temper.
  • By thinking before speaking and watching what I say.

Article by Billy J. Strawter, Sr.

© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.               All Rights Reserved Worldwide

 

 

Teenagers’ Reflections on What They Like About Their Teachers

Teenagers’ Reflections on What They Like About Their Teachers

Adolescences seem to have a variety of opinions relative to their experiences with teachers. This article focuses on the positive experiences teens’ encountered with their teachers.  Teachers play an important part of teens’ lives and teachers have a great influence on teens’ lives in positive and negative manners. It’s critical for teachers to invest words of encouragement instead of discouragement in teens’ lives. Teachers are great assets to teens, society, and should never neglect to build a strong professional relationship with their teens. We must help youngsters through their adolescents’ years.

Listed below are teens’ reflections relative to the following questions.

What do you like about teachers?

John’s Reflections:

  1. I like when they help you
  2. I like when they are cool
  3. I like funny teachers
  4. I like when a teacher let you use her phone in the class room
  5. When they let you play games
  6. When we watch movies
  7. When they tell you jokes
  8. When they are serious-minded

Davison’s Reflection:

  1. When teachers  are willing to help you
  2. When teachers  want you to learn
  3. You can turn to teachers for advice
  4. When they are role model’s

Christin’s Reflections:

  1. I like teachers who sit down with you when you need help
  2. When they like to make their classes fun and enjoyable
  3.  I like when they have a special relationship with students

Courtney’s Reflections:

  1. That some teachers take late work and you points
  2. They’re someone you can turn to if you need too
  3. Teachers are honest, and you can trust most of them
  4. They give good advice
  5. Teachers want to help teenagers
  6. When they don’t yell at me

LaToya’s Reflections:

  1. When they control their attitude
  2. Help keep me out of trouble
  3. When they are cool
  4. When they have a good relationship with teenagers
  5. Whey they help students

Haley’s Reflections:

  1. I like teachers that are there to help teens
  2. I like when they make sure you understand your work
  3. I like when teachers communicate with you
  4. I like when they are there to help you
  5. I like when teachers are lenient about work because it’s easier to get it done if you have plenty of time

Ashley’s Reflections:

  1. I like most of the teachers because they will understand and read their students
  2. I love that some will help you and give you advise on certain things
  3. Especially when they make a real relationship with their students having them to feel safe

 Comments:

It was very interesting to listen to the teenagers’ reflections on what they liked about teachers. It was a pleasure and honor to have a fantastic dialog with young people.  The most reoccurring statements teens liked about their teachers were when teachers took the time to help, give advice, and built a relationship with the students.

Listed below are recommendations for anyone involved in the lives of teenagers, especially teachers, social workers and youth workers.

  1. Take time to help teenagers with their needs
  2. Build a strong professional relationship with the teens
  3. Be aware of the teens’ behavior because they could be experiencing problems at home or with peers
  4. Give the teens good advice that will help them for a life time
  5. Understand what youngsters are facing on their life’s journey
  6. Make the classroom fun, enjoyable and a very serious environment for the teens to learn.
  7. Find someone else to help the teens if you lack the time
  8. Never yell at your students but speak with a firm and caring heart
  9. Communicate to the teenagers your classroom rules and preserve them throughout the year
  10. Speak words of affirmation to the teenagers

Life is never simple for adolescences and the challenges teenagers face are opportunities for everyone to make a difference in their lives. Youngsters should never feel emptiness because no one cares about them. Let’s shower teenagers with unconditional love to foster success as they face life’s challenges.

Written by: Billy J. Strawter, Sr.

© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.               All Rights Reserved

Touching the Hearts of Teenagers

Touching the Hearts of Teenagers

 Listed below is a true story about an interaction I had with teenagers in a Juvenile Detention Center. I had an opportunity to volunteer my time in a Juvenile Detention Center for 22 years. Working with troubled teenagers changed my career.  Now, I am working with parents, teens, teachers and youth workers to provide strategies to connect with teenagers in the 21st century. Listed below is a story taken from my book Behind the Eyes of Juvenile Delinquents. 

How quickly a heart can be touched

I had an opportunity to visit Jeffery, Duke, Robert, Parker, and Jamal in their unit at the Juvenile Detention Center to read some of the things written in the manuscript Behind the Eyes of Juvenile Delinquents.  When I arrived in the unit, Jeffery, Duke and Jamal were playing cards. Robert and Parker were watching the movie “Spawn” on television.  There were four other young men locked in their rooms for discipline.

Jeffery, Duke and Jamal slowly stopped playing cards and Robert stopped watching television and came to listen to the story as I read.  Then Jeffery, Duke, Jamal and Robert became angry with Parker because he continued to watch television.  They told me Parker worshipped Satan.  I asked the other boys to “leave him alone because Parker was serving his master.  I said, “You tell me you love God but yet you are not serving him.  If you were serving him, more than likely you would not be in the Detention Center.  I wish you were as faithful to God as Parker was to his master.  You are in worse shape than Parker because you know the truth and refuse to live by the truth.”

After those words were spoken, everyone calmed down.  I then continued to read from the manuscript Behind the Eyes of Juvenile Delinquents to Jeffery, Duke, Jamal and Robert.  They were captivated by the words being read because they knew it was about them and me.   They just took it all into their minds as they sat and listened intently.  It’s difficult to describe what I felt.  What struck me most was Parker who had his back turned to us? He got out of his chair, went behind our backs to lie on top of the ping pong table near us.  A glance from the corner of my left eye showed that we now had Parker’s attention.  Parker asked, “Where did you get that information from?”  I told Parker I got the information from the youth in the Detention Center.  Robert said, “He wrote it himself as if he was proud of me.”

Parker continued to lie on the table as I read from the manuscript.  As we continued, to my surprise, Parker got a chair and sat right in front of us.  He listened intently as I continued to read with a smile on my face.  Before I knew it, time was up.

As I was leaving the unit, Parker told me that “he didn’t serve Satan but was trying to determine the right way to go.”  I told him “I understood and hoped he would start going to church.”  Then Parker proceeded to tell me he was going to attend church in the Detention Center.  He also wanted to know when I was going to read the rest of the manuscript to them.

Well, I looked for Parker on the following Tuesday evening but he did not show up.  I told the others to tell Parker I inquired about him.  On Sunday Parker showed up in church.  I was elated to see him.  I never considered that the words I read would have an impact on Parker’s life, but one should never be surprised about the operation of the Holy Spirit.  If no one else reads this book, I  will always cherish the words spoken by Parker.  I hope he will make the correct choices.  I did not force my beliefs on him or try to debate with him.  Parker said he was rebelling against his parents and that he grew up in the church.  I hope he will turn his life over to Jesus Christ.

source: Behind the Eyes of Juvenile Delinquents,

(c) EnviCare Consulting, Inc.   All Rights Reserved

Teenagers Journey in Anger Management and Critical Thinking Classes

Teenagers Journey in Anger Management and Critical Thinking Classes

As parents, we sometimes fail to recognize the complexity of adolescences lives. Every day many of our youngsters deal with issues we didn’t face as teenagers.  For example, we weren’t apprehensive about our friends posting private information on social media, bullying and epidemic of divorce in society, and traveling to different parents’ homes as result of the divorce. They are subject to different rules which cause conflict within their hearts. The lack of stability in the family is destroying many teens and they are becoming very angry. Some are becoming more disrespectful to adults and their parents. All these things impact the quality of parents, mothers, and leaders that will guide us in the future.

Parents can’t protect their children always so it our parental responsibility to teach the adolescences the skills needed to survive the confusion of life. We can guide teens by preparing  them to control their feelings and emotions when faced with conflicts. Listed below are teen’s comments regarding two classes they attended called Anger Management and Critical Thinking. The teens learned first how to control their anger and then how to apply critical thinking from stories written by teenagers and adults.

Roseland’s Comments:

“Throughout my journey in the anger management and critical thinking class it helped me to realize that there is more to life. It helped me to realize that I’m very close-minded. If I had these skills before I got in a bad situation, the outcome would have been completely different because it wouldn’t have happen.  As much as I hated I got caught, I recognized God had a better plan. He gave me an opportunity meet an amazing teacher. These classes were very beneficial for me. I am sad that my journey in these classes has come to an in. I am sad but hopeful because I know I got something out of the classes that can never be taken away from me. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and my reason was to be planted in the anger management and critical thinking classes.”

Vera’s Comments

“The anger management and critical thinking classes impacted my life so much. I learned how to control my attitude (feelings and emotions) and temper (revenge and anger).  I would fight, yell, scream, and do things that were very disrespectful. Now I know to communicate my feeling with respect and not get out of hand by yelling and fighting.  Being in the classes for eight weeks, it taught me to do the right thing.  In the future, I know when I am in a situation I can resolve the conflict without fighting or yelling. I have benefited so much from being in the classes and I am glad I took them.”

Dale’s Comments:

“Over the past eight week, I have learned a lot of good things that I can use later in life or when I get into a tough situation or when I need to control my attitude and temper. I learned that when I am mad, it’s best to think about what I’m going to do before I do it. If I don’t, it will have a hug negative impact on my present and future. Therefore, when control my attitude and temper it will have a positive impact on my life. I will be able to talk through a situation without arguing and adding fuel to the situation.  I learned that what you put in your piggy bank that’s what you will get out.  The piggy bank represents my brain. This means if you like arguing or fighting that is what you will do every most times. If you resolve conflict respectfully, it well becomes a habit. Therefore, I learned to be respectful and now I am being more responsible which leads to positive outcomes.”

 

 

 

 

Lovelene’s comments:

“Anger management and critical thinking classes taught me how to stay in control of my temper, and attitude. I get mad quickly but I don’t talk it out with anyone then it lowers my self-esteem. I learned not to let my temper control me. For example, I take time out before I react to a negative situation. I am working harder on getting my education. I like critical thinking better because it had examples of problems teenagers go through. It makes you think if I was in that person place what would I do to be honest and make right choices. I learned about the importance of a relationship relating to love, honesty, and trust as it relates to my parents. I am grateful that I had an opportunity to be involved with the anger management and critical thinking classes. It makes teens realize that their mistakes can lead to bad situation and without making teenagers feel bad.”

Kaleen’s Comments:

“The anger management and critical thinking classes changed my life in many ways. I appreciated the help to keep from having sticky fingers. I am thankful to receive another chance in life because I probably would have gone to a juvenile detention facility or someplace bad.  It was nice being in the classes because I learned how to better control my attitude and temper. I am talking more nicely and now walk away from others whose doing wrong. I am so thankful for a second chance and I will do better with my life.”

Comments

The common things that benefited the teenagers as result of attending an anger management and critical thinking classes are listed below:

  1. Improved their self-esteem
  2. Started  to think  more positive of themselves and others
  3. Became more responsible which lead to positive outcomes
  4. Started to speak kindhearted to people
  5. Appreciated being given a second chance
  6. Learned to control their attitude and temper
  7. Valued being taught how to control their anger
  8. Built better relationship with family and peers
  9. Communicated better with their parents and others
  10. Learned it was okay to attend anger management and critical thinking classes
  11. Decided education was very important for their future.
  12. Applied more positive thinking

The teenagers that attended the anger management and critical thinking classes had no idea how their lives would be influenced. The teenagers weren’t interested and the teens were afraid of attending the classes. They didn’t want to be ridiculed doing the classes nor disrespected. However, many of the youngsters found comfort because they knew the classes were for their best interest. They felt the teach had a caring and compassionate heart for them.

Advice for Youngsters

Teens, if you are experiencing anger problems, don’t hesitate to attend classes that will empower you to control your attitude and temper. Persevere to avoid investing in your heart things that will negatively affect your character and relationship with others. Please improve your life skills which will aid you when conflicts occur. It’s healthier to be prepared before you are confronted with difficult situations. You are absolutely important to the success of society, and there is high expectation of  teens to mature and to be successful responsible adults.  In the future, you possibly will become  fathers or mothers or leaders and your life skills will be very critically important.

We need you to lead our country with a caring and compassionate heart  for all of God’s creation. You were not borne just to serve yourself but to serve others. The benefits to your self-sacrificing services are blessings and strength to overcome obstacles you’ll face the rest of your life. We hope  strength, peace and  joy will travel with you to end of your life. Never forget your journey is different from other teenagers because you are uniquely created.  You should be you and not someone else. You must always desire to manager your anger by applying critical thinking when faced with complex conflicts.

Written: Billy J. Strawter, Sr

© EnviCare Consulting, Inc                 all Rights Reserved

Parents Feel Angry, Betrayed, Disappointed and Hurt When Teenagers Don’t Tell the Truth

Parents Feel  Angry, Betrayed, Disappointed and Hurt When Teenagers Don’t Tell The Truth

Parenting teenagers can be very challenging sometimes as they seek their independence. Sometimes parents wonder did they received the right baby from the hospital because the child is disconnected from the family. It’s amazing as parents observe their children grow up they wonder what will they become as an adult. The greatest hope is for their teenagers to be protected from emotional scares and the desire for the youngsters to be very successful. Suddenly, a great storm arises in the relationship do to an unbelievable choice the child made. The parents didn’t hear about the problem from their teen but were informed by someone else.  It’s an emotional roller coaster for parents when their adolescents fail to tell them the truth.  Listed below is how parents feel when their teens avoid telling the truth when they are in trouble.

How do you feel when your children don’t tell you the truth?

Stacy’s Responses:

  • It depends upon what’s it about and I try to talk to her
  • I want to know the reason for not telling me the truth

Deborah’s Responses:

  • I feel angry, frustrated and disappointed
  • I start yelling and screaming
  • I don’t listen
  • Teenagers don’t trust me

Ted’s Responses:

  • Disappointed because they ate making bad choices
  • Frustrated because I think what did I do wrong
  • Sadden because they are not open to telling me the truth

Albert’s Responses:

  • I feel let down
  • I feel angry and disappointed
  • I haven’t done my job

Kathie Responses:

  • I feel like I haven’t done my job
  • I ask myself where did I go wrong
  • I think back to trust, does my child not trust me

Hillary Responses:

  • I feel my teen have betrayed me
  • They are wrong
  • They don’t trust me
  • I feel I failed them
  • I feel hurt and angry

Paulina’s Responses:

  • I feel very sad that my teen don’t trust me to tell me what happened
  • I feel betrayed and disappointed

Carries’ Responses:

  • I feel sad and hurt because you have taught them right from wrong
  • Disappointed that they can’t talk to us about anything

Lee’s Responses:

  • I am disappointed, lost trust, and angry at my teen
  • I am in disbelief

Julia’s Responses:

  • Betrayed
  • Let down
  • Hurt
  • Disappointed

Marcia’s Responses:

  • Upset
  • Angry
  • Disappointed

Advice for teenagers

Teenagers, I encourage you to understand how untruthfulness hurt your parents’ feelings which creates different emotions. You must do everything within your power to always tell your parents the truth. Don’t hide anything from them but be brave, caring and understanding. They might overreact but their love for you will last forever. You must be patient with your parents as they process why you didn’t tell the truth. Let unconditional love and respect for your parents be the guiding light for you all the days of your life. Listed be are several responses that are common to parents:

  1. They are disappointed in their teenagers lack of truthfulness
  2. They felt betrayed because their teens weren’t willing to tell the truth
  3. They lost trust in their teens because they weren’t honest
  4. They were very angry with their teenagers for not being open
  5. They felt as though they had failed as parents

Teenager, please process your parents’ feelings and emotions. Ponder upon their feelings in your heart, soul and mind. Once again, always apply truth daily in your life. Always remember that parents feel angry, betrayed, disappointed and hurt when teenagers don’t tell the truth.

 

Written By: Billy J. Strawter, Sr

© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.               All Rights Reserved

Mothers and Fathers Share Reasons Children Don’t Tell Parents the Truth When Teens Are in Trouble

Mothers and Fathers Share Reasons Children Don’t Tell Parents the Truth When Teens Are in Trouble

I wrote a previous article on “Why Children Don’t Tell Parents the Truth When in Trouble “. In the article, I focused on teenagers’ perspectives on the issue of not telling the truth. This article contains parents’ perspectives on adolescents’ wiliness not to speak the truth to their mother and father. During the discussion with the parents, they were very engaged in sharing their thoughts regarding the question listed below:

Why teenagers don’t tell parents the truth when they are in trouble?

Debbie’s perspectives:

  1. Children are afraid of being discipline
  2. Parents won’t understand why the adolescent got in trouble
  3. Parents will yell and scream at the teen
  4. Teens are afraid of being grounded and punishment

Ted’s perspectives:

  1. Youngster believe they can resolve their own problems
  2. Child fear of disappointing their parents
  3. Children scared of possible punishment

Albert’s perspectives

  1. Teens are afraid of punishment
  2. Children know they have let their parents down
  3. Adolescents think they can handle it without parents help
  4. Teens don’t want to hear you yell at them

Kathy’s perspectives

  1. Some children are afraid of their parents response
  2. It’s hard for some teenagers to trust their parents
  3. Teens thinks they can get away with it
  4. Some adolescent lack communication skills

Henry’s Perspectives

  1. Children don’t tell parents the truth when they’re in trouble because they are afraid of consequence
  2. Teens don’t have faith that their mothers and fathers will understand
  3. Children think it will blow over

 Wilma’s Perspectives

  1. Parents will try to change their opinion
  2. They think they can fix and hide the truth before parents find out

Pauline’s Perspectives

  1. Teens are afraid of what the parents are going to say
  2. Teenagers may feel that their parents are going to be disappointed in them
  3. The youngsters don’t want to be punished

Carrie’s Perspective

  1. Teens are afraid of how the parent will react
  2. Teens are embarrassed about what they did.
  3. Teens are scared of consequences

Hope’s perspectives

  1. My child doesn’t tell me the truth for fear of how I will overreact
  2. Teens are afraid of consequences
  3. Kids don’t won’t to disappoint parents

Lee’s Perspective

  1. Teens don’t want to upset parents
  2. Children don’t want to have parents lose trust
  3. Adolescents don’t want to lose privileges
  4. They are ashamed or embarrassed

 Advise for parents and teenagers

The parents’ responses were very accurate and collaborated with the teenagers’ perspective as to why they don’t tell parents the truth when they are in trouble.  The million dollar question is why is it difficult for parents to respond to their children with compassion when the teen lies.

I believe parents yell and scream because of shock, and disappointment in their child’s behavior. Many parents are very surprised and never believed their adolescent would have purposefully chosen to get in trouble.  Sometimes parents purposely ignore the signs that their teen is doing something wrong as if it will go away but it won’t. The issue must be address right away. There are some parents who just don’t care but I believe most parents care how they respond to their teenagers’ negative behavior.

Teens, I encourage you to get more engaged with your parents and always tell them the truth. Please consider applying the seventeen (17) steps below to telling the truth when you are in trouble:

  1. Tell your parents the truth regardless of the consequences or punishments
  2. Don’t’ be afraid of your parents or being grounded
  3. Don’t try to handle the problem by yourself
  4. Place faith in your parents
  5. Never believe the problem will blow over
  6. Approach your parents with a humbled heart to tell them the truth
  7. Tell your parents you are in trouble before they hear the bad news from someone else
  8. Communicate your feelings with respect to your parents
  9. Avoid telling half trues to your mother or father because it won’t make life easier
  10. Don’t’ fear that your parents will be upset about you being in trouble ( A concerned parent will be upset)
  11. Be prepared to know your parents might respond by yelling and screaming
  12. Don’t shut down while communicating with your parents when they overreact to the situation
  13. Admit that your behavior was wrong
  14. Don’t blame your peers or others for your poor decision
  15. Apologize to your parents for making the wrong choices
  16. Love your parents unconditionally
  17. Ask for forgiveness and immediately start making better choices

Teens, it is wise to invest these seventeen (17) steps in your life. Why, you will be more enthusiastic about speaking the truth to your parents when you are in trouble.  Your parents love you very much. If your parents can help, please contact a relative, or school counselor or youth organization that willing to help. You should always communicate the truth to your parents when you are in trouble.

Written By:  Billy J. Strawter, Sr

© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.                               All Rights Reserved

Changes Teenagers Need of Their Father to Improve Relationship

Have you ever had the desire for someone to change their negative behavior because it was destroying or damaging the relationship? I am quite sure your answer is probably, yes! As a parent, I have made many mistakes but I always valued our teenagers’ perspective on things. Sometimes we disagreed but we did everything we could to prevent damaging the relationship. My greatest desire was to always respect my adolescents’ opinions.

Video: Stategies for a father to improve relationship with their teenager

Listed below are changes teenagers said they needed of their father to improve their relationship:

 Sierra: “My father and I have a good relationship. But I know I have a lot of hostility against him because of how much he drinks. I don’t. normally let the hostility out but sometimes I do. I know sometime it hurt but it hurts me to watch him drink every day.”

Sara wants her father to stop drinking because of the damage the alcohol is doing to her father physically and emotionally. She was very concerned about the impact on their relationship. I hope that one day Sierra’s father will stop drinking so that her life will be better as they rebuild their relationship. Her father needs to seek help to stop drinking. I pray and hope he will make a commitment to get help.

Frank: “My pop needs to listens to me more often

 Vanessa: “My father needs to talk to me instead of arguing with me.”

Dallas: “My father needs to spend more time with me and be there for me without yelling at me. Talk to me instead of yelling at me.”

Tammy: “My daddy needs to be in my life more.  Daddy needs to understand where I am coming from about everything.”

Hillary: “I wish my dad would come to see me more often and spend time with me. I also want my dad to love me in spite of all the mistakes I have made!”

Ruby: “My father needs to talk to me more often and don’t tell me he’s going to do things for me and then he doesn’t follow through”

Comments on teenagers’ responses to question

Adolescents are wonderful to be around to engage in a conversation about life. Teens are very intelligent but some have deficiencies in life skills which may and may not be as a result of their doing. These teenagers shared their feelings but sometimes they fail to share their feelings with their father. Listed below are 16 steps every father in the world should consider to improve their relationship with their teenager:

Fifteen (16) steps for a father to improve relationship with their teenager

  1. Always keep your promise
  2. Do not make a promise you can’t keep
  3.  Explain why you can’t keep the promise before hand, if the promise must be broken
  4. Avoid substance of abuse to prevent damaging the relationship with your teenager.
  5. Take time to listen and give advice only when your teenager ask for it
  6.  Do not yell at your teenager but speak firmly with a loving and caring heart
  7.  Make spending time with your teenager a high priority
  8.  Avoid working when you are spending time with your teenager
  9. Communicate your feelings with respect to your teenager during conflict
  10. Do not give material things as a substitute to spending time with your teenager
  11. Model being a great father to your youth
  12. Teach your teenager the life skills needed to be successful
  13. Show unconditional love regardless of the number of wrong choices your youngster makes
  14. Model to your adolescent the value of serving others
  15. Value your teenager’s opinion as a supportive father building a relationship your teenager
  16. Show your teenager what it means to be committed to a relationship

Written: Billy J.  Strawter, Sr

(c) 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.   All rights reserved

Teenagers Share Reasons Teenagers Bully

Teenagers Share Reasons Teenagers Bully 

During a great discussion with teenagers, we talked about the reasons teenagers bully others. I wanted the teenagers’ perspectives because the teenagers had been bullied or bullied someone or new of someone who had been bullied. Please enjoy the teenagers’ responses listed below. The best way to address bullying is to get behind the eyes of teenagers because they have the information in their brain.

 Why does an individual bully others?

Wilson’s perspective:

Because of the simple fact they don’t have something and the other teenager they are picking on does. Then it makes them mad because they don’t have it.

  • When divorce is going at home
  • Lost of family and friends
  • Because of bad things that happened in their life

 Michelle’s perspective: 

  • Because they are not treated right by the family
  • They were abused
  • They bully because they think they got a lot of power and because they think they are cooler than everyone.
  • I use to bully kids because of my past and because of the rumors that went around about me. I wouldn’t stop bullying until I find out who started the rumors

Rufus’s Perspective

  • An individual bullies because they obviously have problems of their own.  People just don’t be mean for know reasons.
  • They keep anger build up inside of them because other problems they have and they take it out on others
  • They bully smaller people are weaker than them.
  • There are some people that don’t have reasons to bully but they just do it. These people make our world so evil and sick. If they continue in this world with that kid of mentality, they will not make it far in life. They’ll just face negative consequences such as going to prison, jail, juvenile, or death.

Dallas’s   Perspective

  • I think a bully bullies to show off because they see someone weaker.
  • Some bullies who use words to hurt others, they don’t realize they are bullying, they consider it playing around.

Sam’s Perspective

  • Someone bullies because it makes them feel stronger.
  • If you are smaller or different, they feel the need to make fun of you.
  • Normally a bully has their own problems that they neglect so they take their anger out on others.

Faye’s Perspective

  • Honestly, I think an individual bullies to either get more attention or to make their self-confidence build up which isn’t a right thing to do.
  • Bullying makes a person feel better, and think of themselves as a tougher person. When in reality, it makes them look more stupid, and immature than the one being bullied.

Matthew’s Perspective

  • An individual bullies so he can have positive self-esteem.
  • They bully for revenge and to make themselves to feel better.

Casper’s Perspective

  • I believe an individuals bullies because they are hurting inside or being hurt by others.
  • When someone is bullied by someone else they tend to find someone to bully that is lower than them.
  • There is another type of person that bullies. The one that like to feel better and stronger. Sometimes these people don’t realize how bad they are hurting the person. 

Ramon’s Perspective

  • I think a person bullies because they have things going wrong in their lives. So they try to make other people feel how they feel.
  • They bully so they can fit in.
  • Sometimes they bully because things didn’t go right for them.

Eric’s Perspective 

  • People usually bully to look strong in front of others, although it makes then look weak
  • My friend likes to bully people because it’s funny, and not because they are bullied.

Comments

It’s amazing that teenagers are correct about the reasons teenagers and others like to bully an individual. These simple words spoken by teenagers can help us to understand the potential issues that drive a bully.  The more we learn from teenagers’ perspectives on bullying it will enhance teachers, administrators, parents, grandparents, foster care system, adoption agencies, teenagers, youth workers, social services, and the juvenile justice system to develop better strategies to deal with the issue. We will write future article on strategies to help the person being bullied as well as the bully.

Listed below are the common themes why a person likes bully:

  1. The bully has a variety of personal issues at home
  2. They have a desire to fit in with a group
  3. The bully has been bullied by someone else
  4. The bully want to feel stronger
  5. The bully neglect their own problems
  6. They are jealous of what others have
  7. They bully because life is not going well for them.

Please take the time to recognize the bully and the person being bullied.  They both need help before it gets out of control. We have a responsibility to guide them toward the right person for help to solve the problem. Relationship building is a wonderful strategy to get to heart of a problem as well as solving it.

Written by: Billy J. Strawter, Sr.

 

© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.                       All Rights Reserved

Challenges Teenagers Are Facing With Their Parents

Challenges Teenagers Are Facing With Their Parents

I had an excellent opportunity to ask a group of teenagers about challenges they are personally facing with their parents. The teenagers were very opened to responding to the question. I do believe they were honest about their feelings. I hope the information contained within this article will assist everyone in understanding the challenges teenagers are facing with their parents. We need to understand the struggles  teenagers are experiencing in life in order to assist the teenagers in their development. Listed below are their responses:

What challenges are you facing with your parents?

Mercy: The challenges I am facing with my parents are they don’t trust me anymore because of the wrong choices I have made and because of the friends I make. They don’t help me when I need help.

Tom: Some of the challenges I am facing with my parents are poor communication and they are not listening to what I have to say. They do not give me a chance to make a decision on what I want to do. Most of the time, I do what they want or tell me to do but I never really get a say.

Jacob: The challenges I’m facing is with my mom. She is always thinking that I am lying.  Most of the times I take her things without permission but I can’t help myself. I try to ask but when I do she says no. I get mad and angry when she says no. When I ask my mother for something, she normally says no.  I end up taking whatever she said no to.  Then I say I asked and try to be nice.

Nathan: Some challenges I face with my parents is actual getting alone with one of them. We sometimes don’t see eye to eye. It gets hard when you are in the same household. That’s why I live with the parent I live with because I feel more comfortable and relaxed with. Another challenge that I face with my parents is being in self-control. We get out of control when a situation comes up.  Instead of solving the problem calmly and respectable, we react with yelling and disrespect.

Phillip:  The challenges I face with my parent are:

  1. They use up all the gas.
  2. They are gone all the time.
  3.  I am not allowed to hang out with certain friends.
  4. We have issues about my messy room and asking for money.
  5. We are arguing about grades.
  6. I am always being locked in my room.
  7. Yelling!

Faye: The challenges I am facing with my parents is that they don’t trust me. They never trust me know matter what it is. Another thing is they have trouble understanding me. They think they do and they do try. But they still fail to trust and understand me.

 Mark: The challenges I am facing with my parents are:

  1. They don’t trust me
  2. Problems with my dad
  3. Issues over homework
  4. My parents over complaining
  5. Issues with my siblings

Cam: I have a close relationship with my parents. But if we ever have any problems, it is about going out with friends and that I am hanging around. Some of my friends my parents don’t particular like.

Emmanuel:  I am at a very rebellious stage in my life. I want to be able to do what I won’t to do. I want them to stop trying to make my decision for me. This is a big challenge, but I am winning. As long as what I am doing does not affect how well I do in school nor put my life in danger, they should have no say in what I do.

Dexter: The challenges I am facing with my parents is them not believing in me when I get in trouble or tell the truth. Another issue is when we both disagree on something. Sometimes I can hear like a crying sound in her force but no tears.

Debbie:  The challenges I am facing with my parents is that I am never really able to get along with my mom for longer than three hours. Because when I am talking to her she will say that she does not want to hear it even if it’s something that I am worried about. It’s not like I have a dad I can communicate with because he passed away in a car accident before I was one year old. When I and my mom actually do get along its fun but I know it won’t last for long.

Ray: Some challenges I am facing is communication at this time. They don’t always listen to what I have to say or give me a chance to make a decision on what I want to do. Most of the time, I just do what they want to do or tell me to do so I never really get a say.

Parents, I hope you have had an opportunity to reflect on the issues teenagers or facing with their parents.   Maybe you are facing similar issues with your teenager and you are struggling how to deal with your situation. All of the issues they wrote about can be easily dealt with. As a parent and grandparent who have worked with teenagers for many years, the common mistakes parents make are listed below:

  1. Don’t have dinner frequently as a family. Eating dinner as a family helps with communication, listening and understanding what the teenager is facing.
  2. Don’t allow there teenager to rebuild trust as a result of the bad choices the teenager made in the past.
  3. Lack of awareness of their teenager need to make their own decision sometimes. They need to make decision even though sometimes they might fail.  You must guide your teenager through this stage of development because eventually they might become parents. It’s okay to monitor their thinking’s process, and give them some guidance with a loving, caring and compassionate heart.
  4. Unaware of the issues the teenager is facing in school.  Set aside time to get involved in the school and get to know your teenager’s teachers as well as the teenager’s friend.
  5. Didn’t take an opportunity to adequately explain to the teenager the reasons they can’t hang out with certain friends. It’s very important that the decision to limit who the teenager hangs out with is based on health and safety of the teenager. For example, a teenager was told that he couldn’t hang out with a friend because he was goofy. I asked him “What did your mother mean? He explained that his mother said “He was too messy.”  This is not a realistic reason to request that the teenager don’t hang out with his friend.
  6. Didn’t communicate their feelings to the teenager with respect without yelling
  7. Over reacting when the teenager make wrong choices

Parents, please take the time to understand, listen, trust, avoid yelling, and become the greatest role model for your teenager. There are other role models in your teenager’s life but you must be the greatest. A strong relationship with your teenager will maximize your ability to influence the teenager in an awesome way. You will always experience some challenges with your teenager. However, when the teenager becomes an adult the life skills you taught the teenager will be absolutely valuable and beneficial.

Written by: Billy J. Strawter, Sr.

© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.                                       All Rights Reserved