Parenting is very challenging because each child has their own unique needs. The best approach to meeting the needs of each child is to build a relationship with them from the time they are born until they leave this world. You should always consider how your actions will negatively or positively impact the development of the relationship. Here are 12 steps every parent should consider in building a relationship with their child.
Step 1 Respect: Every parent should Respect their children in front of others regardless of their behavior. This will teach them how to respect you and others. Avoid trying to embarrass them in front of others in an attempt to change the negative behavior. It might work for the short term but long term it will backfire.
Step 2 Effort: It will take great Effort to understand your child especially when they are making wrong choices. When a child makes a wrong choice, take the time to talk with the child to verify why the choice was made. Don’t accept “I don’t know” but avoid getting angry because the door of communication must remain open. They will tell you the reasons for their decision,when they are ready, if the relationship is healthy.
Step 3 Love: When you child goes to bed or wakes up or comes home or telephone or e-mail you, tell them you Love them. Always give them a hug which will help them to relate to you and others. Avoid the trap of giving things to them to show your love. When you say the word, “I love you”, it’s more powerful. It’s sad to hear a child say my parents never tell me they love me. If you grow up in a home where your parents didn’t show love, you must not pass it on to your offspring. You have the power to change it.
Step 4 Affirmation: Every child has the desire to receive Affirmation from their parents about the wonderful things they are doing. Praise your child for the small things as well as the large things they do well. When they make a wrong choice, parents make a big deal of it. Yet parents don’t do the same for the right choices a child make. It’s not always about the great things a child does but it’s about the small things that will lead to great things.
Step 5 Trust: This one is very challenging for most parents. Most parents believe their child will make the right choice when they are around others. The big problem comes when the child violates the Trust. When your child has violated your trust, never attack their character but let them know you are disappointed in their actions. When you are angry with your child’s behavior, communicate your feelings with respect .Let the child know what is required to regain the trust. Make sure you discipline them for violating the trust out of love and don’t go overboard. The discipline should be based on current actions and should not be used as a dumping ground for previous behaviors.
Step 6 Inside: To build a strong relationship with your child, you need to know what is going on Inside of the child’s heart. In order to know your children, you need to spend time with each child collectively and individually. Breakfast, family dinner and church are great avenues to develop relationships. However, individual time spent with each child will give you an opportunity to build a deeper relationship. Every child’s heart is important. A healthy inside is developed by investing valuable time with your child.
Step 7 Opportunity: Avoid missing an Opportunity to support your child’s activities such as drama, field trips and sports. Do everything within your power to support your child. You also want to avoid getting too busy with activities which will drain you and the child. When you become too busy, your attitude might become unpleasant which could lead to damaging the relationship with your child. You must understand your limitation as well as your child’s.
Step 8 Nice: You must show you child the importance of being Nice by modeling the behavior. When your child is around you, they are observing every things you do. For example, have you ever looked at your child gestures or manners and they reminded you of you. Your child is observing how you treat others. You will never be a perfect parent, but should desire to instill great moral values in your child’s life. If you feel you have failed your child, let go of those feelings, start over again by investing wisely in your child’s life.
Step 9 Survive: With all the power you have within your being, never give up loving your child regardless of the wrong choices made. You want your relationship with your child to Survive. As a parent, you are training your child to be great citizens in this world. There are times when life is a struggle, and hopelessness as well as despair will overwhelm you. Don’t give up but teach your child how to survive with a caring heart and compassionate heart.
Step 10: Honesty: Model to your child how important Honesty is in a relationship. This will grant them greater success in life. You will have great reasons to rejoice in their success. When you see your child being dishonest, confront them right away with love. Make sure you have all your facts prior to discussing the issue. Ask the child about a different choice that could have been made?
Step 11 Intelligence: Use your Intelligence to deal with your child’s negative and positive behavior. Utilize various strategies to listen, understand and communicate to your child with wisdom. If you are experiencing problems with relationships within your family, don’t hesitate to get involved in a life skills workshop and/or parents support group. You are not alone; there are many parents who are in the same position. You have the power to make a difference.
Step 12 Prayer/Personal/Persevere: If you believe in Prayer, you should pray often for your child and family. God wants you to take Personal responsibility to train your child because the family is the heart of society. When the family foundation crumbles so will society. Your must Persevere when you are down and up. Don’t allow life’s problems hinder you from maintaining a fantastic relationship with your child or family. Be encouraged as you apply these twelve steps in developing a greater relationship with your child.
(c) 2009 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.