Paula’s heart is very heavy because many professional counselors have failed to reach her daughter Amy. This is Paula’s story about lost faith in professional counselors.
My experience in the life skills workshop was pleasant and informative. In theory, everything taught sounds as though nothing but positive results should be expected. I have spent many hours with my daughter in the office of therapists and psychologists trying to get to the root of my daughter’s negative behaviors. I’ve become cynical in my attitude towards these professionals and have lost faith in them.
“I’ve become cynical in my attitude towards these professionals and have lost faith in them.”
Only time will tell if I’ll be able to offer an endorsement for the instructor’s techniques, strategies and advice, but I’m willing to try. The instructor is interested in making a difference in the lives of individuals and troubled families and relationships; therefore his passion cannot be discounted. He is very engaging, interesting and has very good communication skills. I’m anxious to see the results in my family after having attended his seminar.
Paula has grown tired of endless appointments trying to provide professional assistance for Amy. Paula desires Amy’s life style to be obedient and connected with the family. There is great pain and frustration in Paula’s heart. Parents, as you read Paula’s story, you may feel and identify with her despair and hopelessness. Paula has tried different options yet Amy’s behavior has not changed.
Parents, your natural response is to surrender and become cynical or skeptical that a teen deeply embedded in making wrong choices will not change. Parents as long as your teen is alive, there is hope the negative behavior will change.
If you want to rebuild your relationship and influential power over your teen, please avoid the following traps:
- Do not let hopelessness and despair consume you.
- Do not give up seeking help for your teen.
- Do not forget to seek help for yourself.
- Do not attack the teen’s character.
- Do not abandon your teen because of trust issues.
- Do not communicate to the teen you are disappointed in them as a person.
- Do not hit your teen but calmly communicate your feelings with respect.
- Do not stop listening to your teen.
- Do not abandon or give up on your teen no matter how you feel about the teen’s negative behaviors.
- Do not stop loving your teen.
- Do not allow your body language to prevent communication.
Keep believing in your teen’s ability to change their negative behavior. Change may take years but you must hold on to hope.
It’s important to release your feelings of disappointments towards the teen. The teen will sense you have given up and will continue to act out the behavior. Stand firm and believe their negative behaviors will change. If your teen has many issues, prioritize the issues that need change. Parents often make the mistake of trying to completely eradicate all the teen’s negative behavior at once.
An analogy about a banana:
When you see a banana, you know there is tasty fruit on the inside. The outside might be battered and bruised but you can’t wait to eat the fruit of the banana. Before you can eat the banana, you must peel the banana to get to the good part. If you try to peel the entire banana at once, you will mash it. Therefore, you must remove one peel at a time. As you begin to peel the banana, you expose parts of the tasteful fruit. Once you have completely removed the external parts of the banana, you can consume it with joy.
Visualize your teen as that banana, marked with all kinds of negative behaviors. Like the banana, you must cautiously help your teen to remove one negative behavior at a time. The teen’s goodness is locked on the inside. You should savor the good fruit of each negative behavior that has been removed from your teen’s life. Praise the teen for each changed negative behavior as if you have won $100,000,000.
Faith, hope, and unconditional love and forgiveness are great catalysts to foster positive change in your teen’s negative behavior as well as yours. Enjoy life and endure the challenges you face as joy will come because you never gave up on your teen because of their mistakes (wrong choices).
Written by: Mr. Wisdom
(c) 2010 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.