Tag Archives: Dad. Adolescents

Changes Mothers Need to Make to Improve Relationship with Teenagers

Changes Mothers Need to Make to Improve Relationship with Teenagers

Recently, I wrote an article regarding changes teenagers needed of their father to improve relationship. I thought it would also be interesting to evaluate how teenagers felt about their relationship with their mothers. Mothers are the greatest asset to the family.  I appreciate them greatly because moms bring a wealth of commitment, care and love to the family. Their energy fosters the right kind of family foundation. Every family needs emotional stability in the home. It’s amazing how many mothers multitask for the survival of the family.  Listed below are teenagers’ responses to the following questions:

What changes your mother needs to make to improve her relationship with you?

Sarah’s Responses:

“She needs to get better control of her emotions; I don’t think she realizes how her words affect me emotionally. I also think she needs to understand that we are two different people, which means we won’t always see eye to eye. Even though I am her child, she still has to respect my beliefs and opinions as she expects me to respect her.”

Frank’s Response:

“Mom needs to trust me more and try not to bring up the past all the time”

 Vivian’s Response

“Talk to me instead of yelling

 Doug’s Responses:

“Mom needs to get a job, car and house so that I can live with her part time without going to grandmother. She needs to go tell the court she needs visitation.”

 Tara’s Response:

“I wish mom won’t be so pushy on me. I want mom to be understanding about what I want to do.”

 Quanta’s Responses:

“I wish mother would talk stuff out instead of yelling. Don’t always put her husband over her kids, and I need mom to be there when I need her.

 Raven’s Responses:

“Mom needs to stop yelling so much and believe that sometimes I could be telling the truth. I want mom to stop assuming I am not telling the truth.”

 Cass’s Responses:

“I wish mom would let me enjoy my teen years instead of trying to have me to do and be what she wants me to be. Let me learn from my own mistakes. Mom needs to listen and believe me.”

 Kaila’s Responses:

My mother needs to change a lot. She needs to leave her boyfriend, get clean, and stay clean. Stop lying, stop stealing, take care of self and learn to take constructive criticism. I wish mom would go to rehab and just get better.

 Linda’s Responses:

“I want my mother to trust me more and I want to share anything with my mom. Sometimes, I feel like I can talk to my grandmother about anything before I can talk to my mother. Sometimes I am scared to talk to her so I just leave it to myself. I want to be able to go to places without her thinking I am doing something wrong. All I want is that my mother’s trust me.

 Peter’s Responses:

“My mom needs to work on her temper that she has with me. She needs to stop putting herself first.

 Ashley’s Responses:

“My mother needs to start a trustworthy relationship with me. Mom needs to change her attitude with me. Mom needs to understand I am me and no one else; she needs to improve her attitude and confidence in me and my brother. I never understood why she gets angry towards me after dad left. A lot of things start happening.”

 Haley’s Responses:

“To improve our relationship my mom needs to communicate with me more and try to show me she cares about our relationship. It would also help if she won’t yell as much. If she showed me she could stop yelling, it would help our relationship get better.”

 Sally’s Responses:

“My mom can’t really do anything to improve our relationship. The only thing we need is trust. It’s my fault we don’t have a trusting relationship but only time will improve our relationship.”

 Gray’s Responses:

“I wish my mom would stop going alone with what her boyfriend tells her and stop yelling at me without reason. I need her help once and a while and to have a day where only I and mom can have time together.”

 Tricia’s Responses:

“I wish my mother would stop drinking and stop calling me names. I want mom to be nicer to my little sister and brother, stop sleeping with other guys, stop buying and giving to minors and be a good mom that will listen to me.

 Other Teenagers Responses

  • I wish my mom wouldn’t pick an argument with me
  • Let me do more, trust me and don’t always argue
  • Nothing because we already have a really good relationship
  • My mother needs to be happier. It seems like she’s always mad with me
  • Mom needs to learn to control her anger even if I am the only target in the house
  • Mom needs to stop yelling at me when I’m not doing anything to get yelled at
  • My mother needs to listen to my side of the story instead of jumping to conclusion
  • I wish my mom would ask me nicely to do things instead of automatically get an attitude
  • My mother needs to think things through before she reacts and she needs to stop overreacting to the little things
  • My mom and I have a good relationship and no changes are needed
  • Mother needs to listen more and stop thinking she knows everything all the time
  • I wish mom would get me help when I need it

 Advice for Parents

There are so many factors that contribute to a great or poor relationship with teenagers. The information contained in this article is designed to give parents insight on how some teens feel about their mother. Mothers throughout the world are faced with many challenges raising children and especially when they become adolescents. Every parent should put their children first but don’t forget to stay healthy by exercising, eating healthy foods and spending time to yourself for relaxation. Please utilize trusted family members or friends to help you through the challenges you are facing with your youngsters. Listed below are simple recommendations on building a better relationship with your teenagers:

  1. Spend personal time with your teens
  2. Stop yelling at your children
  3. Listen with your heart
  4. Stop overreacting to teens negative behavior
  5. Think before you overreact
  6. Don’t believe you are always right
  7. Avoid valuing your boyfriend over your children
  8. Stop substance abuse
  9. Minimize getting an attitude and being angry
  10. Let the adolescents know you love them unconditionally
  11. Allow your youngsters to build trust
  12. Allow them to make some mistakes and help the teenagers work through the mistakes
  13. Show confidence in your children
  14. Don’t be angry with your children if you are going through a divorce or if your husband left you
  15. Don’t expect teenagers to be like someone else. Let your teens be themselves
  16. Accept constructive criticism from your children
  17. Avoid using of cruse words
  18. Do not emotionally scare your children
  19. Build a great relationship with your teenagers
  20. Encourage them often instead of calling them bad names
  21. Communicate with respect to your teens
  22. Eat dinner together and attend religious service with your children
  23. Give your teenagers help when needed
  24. Don’t’ always think your teenagers are doing something wrong
  25. Know where your teens  are on the weekend and who they hangout with

Mothers, you have tremendous influential power over your children. I encourage all moms to build a dynamic and un-destructible relationship with their teenagers. Children are an extension of you and sometimes you can see you in them. It’s fantastic to understand that regardless of the negative circumstances you face in life, you have a big heart to deal with it. Time will always heal a broken relationship but it takes a lot of forgiveness. Please listen and understand your teenagers. I hope God will give you the strength and the desire to maintain, improve and endure your relationship with your teenager, persevere.

Written by: Billy J. Strawter, Sr.

 © 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.         All Rights Reserved

Changes Teenagers Need of Their Father to Improve Relationship

Have you ever had the desire for someone to change their negative behavior because it was destroying or damaging the relationship? I am quite sure your answer is probably, yes! As a parent, I have made many mistakes but I always valued our teenagers’ perspective on things. Sometimes we disagreed but we did everything we could to prevent damaging the relationship. My greatest desire was to always respect my adolescents’ opinions.

Video: Stategies for a father to improve relationship with their teenager

Listed below are changes teenagers said they needed of their father to improve their relationship:

 Sierra: “My father and I have a good relationship. But I know I have a lot of hostility against him because of how much he drinks. I don’t. normally let the hostility out but sometimes I do. I know sometime it hurt but it hurts me to watch him drink every day.”

Sara wants her father to stop drinking because of the damage the alcohol is doing to her father physically and emotionally. She was very concerned about the impact on their relationship. I hope that one day Sierra’s father will stop drinking so that her life will be better as they rebuild their relationship. Her father needs to seek help to stop drinking. I pray and hope he will make a commitment to get help.

Frank: “My pop needs to listens to me more often

 Vanessa: “My father needs to talk to me instead of arguing with me.”

Dallas: “My father needs to spend more time with me and be there for me without yelling at me. Talk to me instead of yelling at me.”

Tammy: “My daddy needs to be in my life more.  Daddy needs to understand where I am coming from about everything.”

Hillary: “I wish my dad would come to see me more often and spend time with me. I also want my dad to love me in spite of all the mistakes I have made!”

Ruby: “My father needs to talk to me more often and don’t tell me he’s going to do things for me and then he doesn’t follow through”

Comments on teenagers’ responses to question

Adolescents are wonderful to be around to engage in a conversation about life. Teens are very intelligent but some have deficiencies in life skills which may and may not be as a result of their doing. These teenagers shared their feelings but sometimes they fail to share their feelings with their father. Listed below are 16 steps every father in the world should consider to improve their relationship with their teenager:

Fifteen (16) steps for a father to improve relationship with their teenager

  1. Always keep your promise
  2. Do not make a promise you can’t keep
  3.  Explain why you can’t keep the promise before hand, if the promise must be broken
  4. Avoid substance of abuse to prevent damaging the relationship with your teenager.
  5. Take time to listen and give advice only when your teenager ask for it
  6.  Do not yell at your teenager but speak firmly with a loving and caring heart
  7.  Make spending time with your teenager a high priority
  8.  Avoid working when you are spending time with your teenager
  9. Communicate your feelings with respect to your teenager during conflict
  10. Do not give material things as a substitute to spending time with your teenager
  11. Model being a great father to your youth
  12. Teach your teenager the life skills needed to be successful
  13. Show unconditional love regardless of the number of wrong choices your youngster makes
  14. Model to your adolescent the value of serving others
  15. Value your teenager’s opinion as a supportive father building a relationship your teenager
  16. Show your teenager what it means to be committed to a relationship

Written: Billy J.  Strawter, Sr

(c) 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.   All rights reserved