Tag Archives: Discipline

Parents Are Valuing Life Skills Strategies To Help Raise Their Children

Parents Are Valuing Life Skills Strategies To Help Raise Their Children

Listed below are comments from parents that attended a life skills workshop. We will continue to share with you parents perspectives on the values of attending a life skills workshop. We believe that our articles should contain information that reflects the challenges parents are facing with their children, especially parents with teenagers. 

Shawn’s Testimonial

“As a parent, I will work on listening to my children. I will work on yelling less to not at all. It was encouraging hearing suggestions in the life skills workshop and especially the things we are already doing now with our children. There were several times I questioned if I am parenting correctly. The life skills workshop helped to reiterating what I am doing at home is the correct path as well as room for improvement.

The life skills workshop should be offered to new parents. I thought the workshop was very powerful and helped me look at myself and what I need to work on at home. I believe more in myself.”

Matthew’s Testimonial

“I learned I needed more sensible discussion with my troubled son without some of the anger of past disciplining. I have tried yelling in the past to discipline my children. I have discipline while angry immediately after the incident. The instructor showed me ways to get things out of my child without yelling and being angry but to discipline the correct way. I believe my son will be a much better person after this workshop because my wife and I attend it together. I needed this workshop to take a step back and refocus my energy in a proper and beneficial way towards assisting my family and son.

Christiana’s Testimonial

“I now value the importance of building a relationship with my children including caring and making supper. It’s important that their physical, spiritual, educational and emotional needs are met as well.  I will stop pouring into my child yelling and begin to invest motivating, encouraging, and listening to my children. Instead of trying to rule over them, I will listen and try to get to the root cause of the problem. Sometimes, I walk away and never know what my son is feeling. When I do walk away, it hinders my son from wanting to do better and it makes things worse because now he is angry and won’t talk to me. I do still need to be firm and stand up for what I believe even if it’s not popular. I will share more encouragement, praise, love, time and proper discipline with my son.”

Jim’s Testimonial

“As learned in the parenting class today, it is important to be directly involved with your children in everything they do. By this I mean, you have to influence them from the time they are young and be a positive person in their life. Most of the things we covered are plainly obvious but it is so easy to forget of stray from these positive aspects. I believe that the life skills’ strategies will help me to refocus on these little things that make a difference. It will help me become more of a positive influence moving forward with my children. Instead of invoking negative thoughts, I will forcus on being understanding and caring towards my children.  Negative things can and do happen in life and as a parent, I have position of authority to help guide my children through their issues. I am very glad that I attended the life skills workshop and also that my teenager is involved in the anger management and critical thinking classes.

Article by: Billy J. Strawter, Sr.

© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.               All Rights Reserved Worldwide

Parenting Advice Help Parents to Improve Their Parenting Skills

Parenting Advice Help Parents to Improve Their Parenting Skills

Video:Parents and Teens Invest Wisely in Your Brain

Parents are constantly bombarded with opportunities to raise their children to become responsible adolescents and adults. However, fathers and mothers can’t escape the prospect of facing a rebellious child. There always seems to be one person within the family that creates more problems than the rest of the children if parents have more than one child. Sometimes hopelessness invades the mind of parents when the child’s behavior is chronic. Parents, you are not facing this issue alone but you must believe that your child’s behavior can change.  If you are facing issues with your children or young adult, it’s very valuable to attend a life skills workshop which is very beneficial. A life skills workshop can provide parents with additional tools to confront your family’s issues, and experience what other parents are going through as well and you won’t feel alone. Listed below are parents’ stories about their experiences in an “Important of family: How to Connect” life skills workshop.

Nick’s Experience

“I have  learned that approaching issues with my children have a better chance of positive outcomes if handled with understanding; instead of reacting out of anger. I will deal with the heart of the matter in a calm and nurturing way, one which fosters love and understanding and teaches rather than hurt. As a parent, I want my children to learn how actions have consequences and the responsibility inherent in those actions. I want them to be caring and responsible adults and this workshop has opened my eyes to different approaches to raising my children.”

Debbie’s Experience

I will be there for my children when I know they have made bad choices.

“I learned that family is more important than anything. I’m a single mom raising a 12 year old daughter and a 17 year old teenage son. I cherish both of my children very much. Being a single parent and working 40 hours or more per week is hard, I have learned to cope and deal with it. Attending the life skill class is the best thing that could have happened to me. It taught me how to be a better parent, to stop and listen to my children. It helps me to see how important their opinions are to me. I learned that yelling and screaming is not the answer to correcting my children’s behavior. I will let youngsters know I value their opinions and I learned not to always point the blame at my children. I will be there for my children when I know they have made bad choices.”

Kathie’s Experience

“I came to the life skills class not knowing what to expect. I actually enjoyed the class and learned a few things. It was good to see other parents in the life skills class and that I’m not the only one facing challenges with my children. It has taught me to listen more to my children. A child needs their parents to listen, just as much as we need them to listen. The life skills class taught me that children do things for multiple reasons. I also learned that it is true that kids do things to look good for their friends because of peer pressure. I am going to do my best to use the things I learned to apply at home. I want more than anything for my child to be her best, for her to know that she can trust me; and she can succeed in life and not let others influence her negatively. I learned it’s never too late to get additional life skills.”

Amelia’s Experience

“I am leaving the life skills class today with the expectation of have a better relationship with my daughter and maybe avoid having this problem with my other children. I’m going to use more positive words in my home and try not to argue at everything that might go wrong. I am going to close my mouth a little more and listen to what they have to say before I yell or react to things. I feel like this class has helped me open my eyes to the fact that I am dealing with a young adult and not a baby. She has opinions and thoughts that need to be heard.  I’m going to follow through with any discipline that set and give more thoughts to what kind of discipline is appropriate.”

 Parenting Advice

Listed below are valuable skills that parents had in common after attending a life skills class for parents. We hope you will reflect on the skills to apply in your situations.

  1. Deal with your child’s behavior in a calm manner
  2. Provide appropriate discipline
  3. Don’t think it’s too late to learn life skills
  4. Use more positive words with your children
  5. Screaming and yelling won’t solve the problem
  6. Stop what you are doing and listen to your children
  7. Don’t’ deal with young adults as a child
  8. Don’t point all the blame toward the child
  9. Close mouth a little more and listen to the child
  10. Be available for the child even though the child made a bad choice

Attending a life skills class is very beneficial to attaining parenting advice which helps parents to improve their parenting skills with their children.

Written By: Billy J. Strawter, Sr

© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.               All Rights Reserved

 

Why Children Don’t Tell Parents The Truth When in Trouble

Why Children Don’t Tell Parents The Truth When in Trouble

 During a workshop, parents had a wonderful dialog as to why children don’t tell the truth when they are in trouble. It was amazing to know parents had some ideas to why their children held the truth from them. It’s was easy for parents to share their thoughts in small groups, but it’s not easy to share their feelings when interacting with their children.  Here are several parents’ perspectives as to “Why Children Don’t Tell Parents the Truth When They Are in Trouble?”

 Ms. Banker’s Reponses:

  • Afraid of being discipline
  • Parents won’t understand
  • Parents don’t listen
  • Parents start yelling and screaming
  • Don’t like punishment and grounding

 Mr. Cooperman’s Responses:

  • Believe they can resolve on their on
  • Fear and disappointment
  • Possible Punishment

 Mr. Hope’s Responses:

  • They are afraid of punishment
  • Know they have let you down
  • Think they can handle it without your help
  • Don’t want to hear you yell at them

 Ms. Rebecca’s Responses:

  • Some children are scared of the parent’s response
  • It hard for a child to trust their parents
  • Some children don’t have the communication skills

 Mr. McCain’s Reponses

  • They are afraid of losing their privileges such as phone, computer and television
  • They are afraid of being grounded

 Ms. Baker’s Responses

  • They don’t want to be punished
  • They don’t want to get into more trouble
  • They think they are getting away with it

 Ms. Parker’s Reponses

  • They don’t like what you will say
  • They are afraid of being discipline

 Mr. Vaughn’s Responses:

  • Afraid of consequences
  • No faith that parents will understand
  • Think it will blow over

 Each parents shared their perspectives to the questions asked of them.  There were duplicated responses which showed that parents are on the same level of understanding about children.  However, parents sometimes fail to recognize why their child don’t tell the truth because parents overreact to their negative behavior, and some parents usually respond before they apply listening skills. I encourage parents to consider applying the following fifteen (15) principles when your children are in trouble:

  1. Don’t over react when your children tell you he or she is in trouble
  2. Don’t over react if you hear the bad news from someone else instead of the child
  3. Ask your children to share his or her side of the story
  4. Listen intently to what your children are communicating
  5. Ask questions if you don’t understand
  6. Don’t interrupt when your children are speaking
  7. Repeat what you heard from the children to make sure you understood correctly
  8. Don’t give the children the impression you don’t trust them
  9. Avoid overreacting and don’t yell as your children share with you
  10. Apply discipline as required but don’t go over board
  11. Explain reasons for the disciplinary action
  12. Let the children know how you feel about not hearing the truth
  13. Show love and affirmation to your children
  14. Don’t attack your children character
  15. Avoid telling your children you are disappointed in them
  16. Communicate clearly to your children that you are disappointed in the negative behavior

 Write by Billy J. Strawter, Sr.

© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.                              All rights Reserved

Simple Ways Parents Can Discipline A Teenager

One of the most challenging aspects of being a parent is disciplining a teenager when they have made wrong choices; especially when they have violated your trust.  Parents also struggle with who will be the disciplinarian when actually both should be. It is imperative that parents work in unison when it comes to discipline. If you don’t, the teenager will foster disagreement between their parents.

A teenager knows how to steal your heart with their eyes and pitiful looks when being disciplined.  Don’t give into the teenager unless you have strong reasons to believe the negative behavior will discontinue.  Listed below are some guidelines you should follow when it comes to disciplining your teenagers.

  1. Disciplining should be based on the teenager’s current negative behavior: Avoid bring up the past even though it might be the same negative behavior. Your teenager already knows about the problem.  You should remain focused on dealing with the current problem. Make sure you listen and avoid yelling and screaming. Communicate your feelings about the situation with a calm and strong voice.  Above all, it is very important that you listen carefully to your teenager.
  2. Never use discipline as a dumping ground for your personal conflict with others: If you have a personal problem with someone else, please don’t allow it to impact how you respond to your teenager. If you can’t calm yourself, you need to wait until later before you deal with your teenager.  You need to focus on thinking clearly and calmly as you deal with your teenager’s issues.
  3. Use appropriate disciplinary actions for each teenager: Every teenager is different so choose the right disciplinary actions that will give the most benefits in changing the teenager’s negative behavior.  When a teenager is very popular, a good method is to take away privileges. (No phone, no friends for two weeks, etc.). For example, our son was popular, smart, involved with sports and had an abundance of friends.  So we had to utilize a variety of disciplinary actions. His punishments included taking away the car or phone and staying away from friends.  If you have a teenager that sits at home, it’s more challenging to discipline them. For example, our daughter focused on one friend at a time. She loved staying at home. So we decided her punishment would be to walk around the block. She would say “This is the dumbest thing I have ever seen.”  But the punishment was very effective and changed her behavior.
  4. Use a variety of disciplinary actions to deter the teenager’s negative behavior: By utilizing the same disciplinary action over and over again, the teenager will eventually become desensitized.  Parents should employ multiple types of disciplinary actions to deter the teenager’s negative behavior.  Apply consequences that will not put you in bondage, the teenager should be affected more than the parents.
  5. Disciplinary actions should be designed to eliminate or minimize the teenager’s negative behavior: When a teenager’s negative behavior does not change after disciplining, there could be some event that is causing the negative behavior that you don’t know.  You should sit down with your child and present them with an opportunity to express their feelings. It is the parent’s responsibility to listen intently to what the teenager has articulated or not articulated. Avoid becoming frustrated if you don’t understand your teenager’s issues. Your teenager’s negative behavior could be a result of stress, substance abuse, bullying, divorce, relationships, pregnancy, jealousy, academics, sexual transmitted diseases, rape, peer pressure, incest, sibling rivalry or other issues.  If you need outside assistance with your teenager don’t hesitate to get help.  Make sure you seek the right type of counselor for your teenager.
  6. Discipline must be a continuous and consistent process which sets boundaries for the teenager: Avoid reducing your teenager’s punishment because you are worn down as a result of the teenager’s constant nagging. Your teen will take advantage of your weakness. You and your spouse should be in agreement about the disciplinary action.
  7. Discipline shows the teenager the consequences of breaking those boundaries: Teenagers need to know and understand that there are boundaries not to cross and to understand the consequences for breaking those boundaries. Teenagers need to understand that boundaries are established for their protection.
  8. Avoid disciplining a teenager out of anger:  Try to understand the reason(s) for negative behavior:  Parents, you must stay in control when using discipline.  Do not yell nor use words that will damage your teenager’s self-esteem. You will be more effective in dealing with the situation, when you treat your teen with respect.
  9. Discipline the teenager with a caring and compassionate heart: Parents, you should always discipline your teenager in ways that do not attack your teen’s character.  Let your teenager know you are concerned about potential negative consequences on his or her life. It’s important to use words that build up your teenager instead of tearing them down.
  10.  Award the teenager for positive behavior: It is appropriate to reward your teenager for making right choices, especially when the teenager has worked hard to improve their behavior.  Parents should be eager to reward their teenager for the small improvements which will hopefully lead to great success for the teenager and peace within the home.

 

Written by Mr. Wisdom

(c) 2011 EnviCare Consulting            All Rights Reserved Worldwide

 

Twenty Issues That Negatively Impact the Family

This is an update to an article previously written on this subject. There are many situations that negatively impact the foundation of the family. This article focuses on twenty issues that negatively impact the success of a family. Solutions are also provided to help the family to move in the right direction.  Every family must identify the best strategies they can use to ensure the success of their family.  Use appropriate tools that work for your family.  Listed below are solutions to help you to deal with the twenty Issue that negatively impact the family:

 Issue #1 Instability in the home

Solution: Provide stability and avoid divorce if possible; do not live together without being married.  Reward each other for good deeds.

Issue #2 Decline of role models

Solution: Avoid being involved with activities that will negatively impact your child’s behavior. Value your child’s opinion.  Admit when you are wrong and apologize.

Issue #3 Decline in spirituality

Solution:  Teach your child spiritual values. Lead by example.  If you do not teach them about spirituality someone will.

Issue #4 Lack of consistent discipline

Solution:  Provide consistent discipline with love; explain reason (s) for disciplinary action.  Avoid arguments that lead to unproductive discussions. Provide the child with boundaries.

Issue #5 Lack of father or mother in the home

Solution:  Both mother and father are needed in the home if possible.  If not, fathers need to be involved in some manner with the child as well as the mother.

Issue #6 Lack of communication

Solution:  Value good communication.  Give the child a sense of security by being there for them regardless of their actions. Let your yes mean yes and no mean no!  Explain clearly any changes in decision.

Issue #7 Poor listening skills

Solution: Learn when to give advice and when to listen.

Issue #8: Drug and alcohol abuse

Solution: Communicate the dangers of using drugs, alcohol and the negative impact it has on their lives and others.

Issue # 9: Sexual abuse

Solution:  Share with your child the purpose of sex and inform them of inappropriate behavior that can hurt them and others for years. Discuss the consequences such as sexual transmitted diseases (STD’s), and pregnancy.  Discuss with them that sex offenders will be labeled as a sex offender and that it will impact their freedom to work and live anywhere they desire.

Issue #10 Lack of family time

Solution:  Eat dinner together. Participate in your child (s) activities (hobbies and sports). Limit child involvement in activities that keeps him/her away from the family.

Issue #11 Peer pressure

Solution: Build positive self-esteem by giving important tasks to perform and encourage volunteer work. Let your child know you are proud of the small things they do correctly. Hopefully it will decrease their potential to give into peer pressure.

Issue #12: Inability to control attitude and temper

Solution: Avoid reacting to negative situations but calmly communicate your feelings to the child with respect. Use control when you are angry about your child’s negative behavior.

Issue #13 Too much emphasis on material possessions:

Solution: Instill good work ethics. Share with your child the importance of waiting for material things.

Issue #14 Lack of extended family

Solution: Allow your child to get to know his or her grandparents. Get advice and support from other family members.

Issue #15 Insufficient love and hugs

Solution: Tell your child you love him or her and give them a hug.

Issue #16 Character attack

Solution:  Build your child’s character by understanding their needs. Dislike the negative behavior but love the child. Do not call the child stupid or dumb. Avoid using undesirable language to attack your child’s character.

Issue #17 Lack of goals and vision

Solution:  Teach the child the importance of setting goals

Issue #18 Lack of skill to manage money

Solution: Teach the child about money management. Set up a savings account at home or bank.

Issue #19 Selfishness

Solution:  Encourage a child to forgive those who hurt him or her. Teach them how to serve others with compassion.

Issue # 20 Lack of forgiveness

Solution: Encourage child to forgive those who hurt him or her. This allows the child to grow beyond the pain they have experienced.

These are simple steps to help you develop a strong family foundation that will last a life time. Parents, you will make mistakes but do not allow your mistakes to put you or your family in bondage.  You must seek every legal means possible to ensure the success of your family.  Live a life you know that will be a guiding light for you and your family.

Written by: Billy J. Strawter, Sr.

(c) EnviCare Consulting, Inc. Alrights Reserved Worldwide