Tag Archives: husband

Are You Respecting Your Wife or Husband

Are You Respecting Your Wife or Husband?

 Ephesians 5:22-33, Hebrews 10:10, Titus 3:5-7, 1 Corinthians 6:15

 October 18, 2015

 Points to Ponder

  1. A wife must submit to her husband with Christian love (Ephesians 5:22-24).
  2. A husband must love his wife as Christ loves us so she will shine with the love of Christ in her heart (Ephesians 5:25).
  3. A husband must be willing to sacrifice himself for his wife as Christ did for the church to reconcile us to God (Ephesians 5:26-27, Hebrews 10:10, Titus 3:5-7).
  4. The husband has the responsibility to lead, serve and guide the family so they may enjoy the fruits of Christ’s labor (Ephesians 5:28-29).
  5. A husband must treat his wife with dignity and respect (Ephesians 5:30, 1 Corinthians 6:15).
  6. The husband and wife must be united as one but retain their own personality and identity (Ephesians 5:31).
  7. The husband and wife must persevere with love and respect towards one another regardless of the difficulties they face. (Ephesians 5:32-33).

 Something to Consider

Often times there is a misinterpretation of the meaning of the Biblical passage “Wife submit to your Husband”. When you read the entire text, you realize that God expects the husband to apply Godly principles in the relationship with his wife. God does not control us but he has given us a free will. Jesus demonstrated his love by serving mankind. He gave us unconditional love in spite of our sinful nature. He was totally committed to bringing salvation to us through His death on the cross. If a husband loves his wife in this way, she will willingly submit to him, just like the church submit to God.

Therefore, it’s essential for the husband to set an example by serving his wife and family. Here are the best methods for both spouses to utilize in their relationship:

  1. Know the love of Christ
  2. Provide unconditional love
  3. Respect each other
  4. Encourage
  5. Support
  6. Empathize
  7. Listen intently
  8. Spend time together
  9. Agree to disagree
  • Forgiveness
  • Apologize
  • Provide spiritual guidance to the family.

The husband and wife should understand each other’s uniqueness and personality which should complement the relationship. Their priority should be to show Christ’s likeness in the marriage. They must not allow poverty, wealth, anger, lust resentment, bitterness, nor selfishness to destroy their love and commitment they have towards each other. Husbands should lead (God’s design) by Christ’s example and not by dictatorship.

(c) 2015 Billy J. Strawter Sr.

Changes Mothers Need to Make to Improve Relationship with Teenagers

Changes Mothers Need to Make to Improve Relationship with Teenagers

Recently, I wrote an article regarding changes teenagers needed of their father to improve relationship. I thought it would also be interesting to evaluate how teenagers felt about their relationship with their mothers. Mothers are the greatest asset to the family.  I appreciate them greatly because moms bring a wealth of commitment, care and love to the family. Their energy fosters the right kind of family foundation. Every family needs emotional stability in the home. It’s amazing how many mothers multitask for the survival of the family.  Listed below are teenagers’ responses to the following questions:

What changes your mother needs to make to improve her relationship with you?

Sarah’s Responses:

“She needs to get better control of her emotions; I don’t think she realizes how her words affect me emotionally. I also think she needs to understand that we are two different people, which means we won’t always see eye to eye. Even though I am her child, she still has to respect my beliefs and opinions as she expects me to respect her.”

Frank’s Response:

“Mom needs to trust me more and try not to bring up the past all the time”

 Vivian’s Response

“Talk to me instead of yelling

 Doug’s Responses:

“Mom needs to get a job, car and house so that I can live with her part time without going to grandmother. She needs to go tell the court she needs visitation.”

 Tara’s Response:

“I wish mom won’t be so pushy on me. I want mom to be understanding about what I want to do.”

 Quanta’s Responses:

“I wish mother would talk stuff out instead of yelling. Don’t always put her husband over her kids, and I need mom to be there when I need her.

 Raven’s Responses:

“Mom needs to stop yelling so much and believe that sometimes I could be telling the truth. I want mom to stop assuming I am not telling the truth.”

 Cass’s Responses:

“I wish mom would let me enjoy my teen years instead of trying to have me to do and be what she wants me to be. Let me learn from my own mistakes. Mom needs to listen and believe me.”

 Kaila’s Responses:

My mother needs to change a lot. She needs to leave her boyfriend, get clean, and stay clean. Stop lying, stop stealing, take care of self and learn to take constructive criticism. I wish mom would go to rehab and just get better.

 Linda’s Responses:

“I want my mother to trust me more and I want to share anything with my mom. Sometimes, I feel like I can talk to my grandmother about anything before I can talk to my mother. Sometimes I am scared to talk to her so I just leave it to myself. I want to be able to go to places without her thinking I am doing something wrong. All I want is that my mother’s trust me.

 Peter’s Responses:

“My mom needs to work on her temper that she has with me. She needs to stop putting herself first.

 Ashley’s Responses:

“My mother needs to start a trustworthy relationship with me. Mom needs to change her attitude with me. Mom needs to understand I am me and no one else; she needs to improve her attitude and confidence in me and my brother. I never understood why she gets angry towards me after dad left. A lot of things start happening.”

 Haley’s Responses:

“To improve our relationship my mom needs to communicate with me more and try to show me she cares about our relationship. It would also help if she won’t yell as much. If she showed me she could stop yelling, it would help our relationship get better.”

 Sally’s Responses:

“My mom can’t really do anything to improve our relationship. The only thing we need is trust. It’s my fault we don’t have a trusting relationship but only time will improve our relationship.”

 Gray’s Responses:

“I wish my mom would stop going alone with what her boyfriend tells her and stop yelling at me without reason. I need her help once and a while and to have a day where only I and mom can have time together.”

 Tricia’s Responses:

“I wish my mother would stop drinking and stop calling me names. I want mom to be nicer to my little sister and brother, stop sleeping with other guys, stop buying and giving to minors and be a good mom that will listen to me.

 Other Teenagers Responses

  • I wish my mom wouldn’t pick an argument with me
  • Let me do more, trust me and don’t always argue
  • Nothing because we already have a really good relationship
  • My mother needs to be happier. It seems like she’s always mad with me
  • Mom needs to learn to control her anger even if I am the only target in the house
  • Mom needs to stop yelling at me when I’m not doing anything to get yelled at
  • My mother needs to listen to my side of the story instead of jumping to conclusion
  • I wish my mom would ask me nicely to do things instead of automatically get an attitude
  • My mother needs to think things through before she reacts and she needs to stop overreacting to the little things
  • My mom and I have a good relationship and no changes are needed
  • Mother needs to listen more and stop thinking she knows everything all the time
  • I wish mom would get me help when I need it

 Advice for Parents

There are so many factors that contribute to a great or poor relationship with teenagers. The information contained in this article is designed to give parents insight on how some teens feel about their mother. Mothers throughout the world are faced with many challenges raising children and especially when they become adolescents. Every parent should put their children first but don’t forget to stay healthy by exercising, eating healthy foods and spending time to yourself for relaxation. Please utilize trusted family members or friends to help you through the challenges you are facing with your youngsters. Listed below are simple recommendations on building a better relationship with your teenagers:

  1. Spend personal time with your teens
  2. Stop yelling at your children
  3. Listen with your heart
  4. Stop overreacting to teens negative behavior
  5. Think before you overreact
  6. Don’t believe you are always right
  7. Avoid valuing your boyfriend over your children
  8. Stop substance abuse
  9. Minimize getting an attitude and being angry
  10. Let the adolescents know you love them unconditionally
  11. Allow your youngsters to build trust
  12. Allow them to make some mistakes and help the teenagers work through the mistakes
  13. Show confidence in your children
  14. Don’t be angry with your children if you are going through a divorce or if your husband left you
  15. Don’t expect teenagers to be like someone else. Let your teens be themselves
  16. Accept constructive criticism from your children
  17. Avoid using of cruse words
  18. Do not emotionally scare your children
  19. Build a great relationship with your teenagers
  20. Encourage them often instead of calling them bad names
  21. Communicate with respect to your teens
  22. Eat dinner together and attend religious service with your children
  23. Give your teenagers help when needed
  24. Don’t’ always think your teenagers are doing something wrong
  25. Know where your teens  are on the weekend and who they hangout with

Mothers, you have tremendous influential power over your children. I encourage all moms to build a dynamic and un-destructible relationship with their teenagers. Children are an extension of you and sometimes you can see you in them. It’s fantastic to understand that regardless of the negative circumstances you face in life, you have a big heart to deal with it. Time will always heal a broken relationship but it takes a lot of forgiveness. Please listen and understand your teenagers. I hope God will give you the strength and the desire to maintain, improve and endure your relationship with your teenager, persevere.

Written by: Billy J. Strawter, Sr.

 © 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.         All Rights Reserved

Husband and Wife Half Truths Lead To Potential Disaster

Genesis 20:1-17

This post is about Abraham and Sarah’s half truths that impacted the life of people in a negative manner.

Points to Ponder

  1. God will continue to guide and protect us on our life’s journey (Genesis 20:1).
  2. There are times when knowledge can lead us to make wrong choices (Genesis 20:2).
  3. When a half truth is told, it can severely impact the lives of others (Genesis 20:3).
  4. God will reveal to the innocent the wrong choices they have made (Genesis 20:4-6).
  5. There are times when God must put fear in our lives for us to change (Genesis 20:7).
  6. When someone inflicts pain upon you, seek answers with a pure heart as you communicate with them (Genesis 20:8-10).
  7. We must communicate to others that our wrong choices could negatively impact their way of life (Genesis 20:8).
  8. There are times when we will try to justify half truth but it’s still wrong. (Genesis 20:11-13).
  9. God uses others to bless us and give us the power to intercede for others (Genesis 20:14-17).

Something to Consider

 As we travel our life’s journey, we will face Godly people, good and bad people. When we fellowship with them, we must communicate the truth because half truths could negatively impact the people you encounter.  Every husband and wife should always consider how their actions will impact their family and others.  Abraham and Sarah’s fear about what might happen clouded their judgment. The husband and wife took their eyes off the promises. God promised them that they would have a son and they would be a blessing to all nations. They knew God was with them yet fear consumed them. When confronted by Abimelech, Abraham confessed the reasons he lied which was good because it limited the negative consequences.

We often speak half truths because of fear, unknown consequences and because we hate to disappoint others.  Half truth leads to greater pain and suffering.  God looks upon our hearts to determine our motives for half truths to activate his grace and mercy for believers and nonbelievers.  God wants us to speak the truth because it gives us great peace.  Husbands and wives, if you are struggling with half truths in your life, please let go of those half truths.  A husband and wife should always set the standards by speaking the truth which will positively impact their family and the world.  

To every husband and wife in the world,  you must rely on God’s words to guide your tongue. When every husband and wife relies on the Word of God, they will no longer be ruled by fear. God loves you more than you will ever comprehend. God created every husband and wife in His image which means you are connected to God in a very special manner. Trust God to guide and protect you along your life journey. God will always be there for you and God will empower you with the strength to speak the truth. Stand firm with God as you encounter various types of people in the world.

Written by: Mr. Wisdom

(c) EnviCare Consulting, Inc All rights Reserved Worldwide

Husband Communicates With God

(Genesis 15:1-21)

Points to Ponder

  1. God will give us a vision of the future (Genesis 15:1).
  2. God will comfort, shield, and protect us during our Christian journey (Genesis 15:2).
  3. There are times the magnitude of the promise seems impossible to achieve (Genesis 15:3).
  4. There are times we don’t clearly understand the mechanism God will use to fulfill His promise (Genesis 15:4-6).
  5. It’s okay to question God when you don’t understand what He’s saying (Genesis 15:8).
  6. God will give us proof sometimes to strengthen and encourage us to prevent hopelessness (Genesis 15:9-10).
  7. There are times God will reveal future events which could be very terrifying (Genesis 15:12-13).
  8. The unbelievers will be judged at God’s appointed time and there will be no escape from God’s wrath (Genesis 15:16).
  9. God will never let His faithful and righteous people loose sight of His promise (Genesis 15:16-18).
  10. Some of the unbelievers’ processions will be given to the righteous (Genesis 15:18-21).

Something to Consider

Communication is essential to understanding the will of God and the desires of others.  It is particularly important to question an individual to understand what was communicated. God eagerly awaits for us to question Him if we don’t understand what’s being said or asked.  There are times we must wait before the communication is clearly understood.  The truth of God’s communication will be revealed in time as we patiently wait with our hearts.

Written by Mr. Wisdom

(c) 2010 EnviCare Cosnulting, Inc

I Immediately Blew it As a Mother and Wife!

Angel’s Testimonial is about missing an opportunity to listen to God during a difficult situation in the home.

Angel’s Testimonial:

“Lord, may the beauty of your Spirit be so evident in me that I will be a godly role model. Give me the communication, teaching, and nurturing skills that I must have. Make me the parent you want me to be and teach me how to pray and truly intercede for the life of this child.”

This was the first thing that I read this morning as I poured coffee and turned my daily “Power of A Praying Parent” flip chart conveniently located next to the lava maker.  I immediately blew it. I was impatient, short-tempered, and irritated with my daughter as she was getting ready for school.  It was her Valentine’s Day party, no less, and what a shining example of love I was showing! Surely God would understand that I was grumpy, tired, and clearly not in the mood to listen to Him this early in the morning.

“I am a very slow learner. God was speaking so clearly this morning and I almost missed it.”

So, God tried again. One of my dear Facebook friends posted this quote as her status….“Love is always bestowed as a gift―freely, willingly, and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved; we love to love.”

Once again, I decided that I really did not want to hear that! Especially since the person who penned that quote did not live with my husband.  Two for two already and the day had just begun.  But God was not willing to give up on me entirely; He persisted in trying to reach me. My usual morning radio show focused on Ephesians 5, specifically verses 22 and 23. “Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The Husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing.” Grrr…really? I need to love and submit even when I am not feeling supported and cherished?

Another dear Facebook friend posted that her husband was unable to make it home from a business trip as expected.  She was clearly disappointed. My husband works all day about 15 feet away from me, and I am complaining about it?

I am a very slow learner. God was speaking to me so clearly this morning and I almost missed it. Through friends, radio, flip charts, my family, and His persistence, I was finally able to realize His plans. I am so grateful for His grace and mercy on me. I am so imperfect and unworthy of it, but He still pours grace and mercy upon me because He loves me. I am in awe of that…He loves me!

To my daughter, Debbie, I apologized to her on the way to school.  She accepted, but I was feeling somewhat defeated and guilty, which maybe was God’s way of bringing me to my knees.  To my husband, James, I simply was quiet instead of pressing him to talk to me.  We had no real issue that day, simply the stresses of life, which can make or break a day. I just stepped back, and James responded accordingly by being loving. 

Look around today and open your eyes to what God is saying to you. He speaks to us all day, every day but we miss most of it due to the clutter in our minds and hearts.  Don’t miss it today.

Comments

How many of you can identify with Angel’s story?  Every mother, at some point, has blown an opportunity to properly relate to their daughter or husband.  Angel’s story is very powerful because she recognized a missed opportunity to respond to her family in God’s way. Because of her situations, Angel didn’t wish to hear those three, small still voices that came from God through others.

However, Angel reflected on the information received through the devotion as well as information from Facebook and the radio show.  It is remarkable that Angel concluded that God was clearly speaking to her that morning on three separate occasions.  It took God three times to get Angel’s attention, but the moral of the story is that she finally listened. God always patiently waits on us to hear His voice. He is a God of second chances or many chances.

Mothers, listen to those small, still voices God sends your way.  God is capable of using anything to get your attention when you are making wrong choices! Never let being impatient, short-temper, or irritated hinder your relationship with your daughter, son or husband.  It’s never easy, but you have the will power through God to deal with your situations.

Do everything you can to build a strong relationship with your daughter, son and husband.  Life is short on this earth, but remember that we have an eternity with God!  When your daughter becomes a teenager, it’s absolutely critical that you have established a fantastic relationship with her.  Model the behavior you want your daughter or son to pass on to their family when those wedding bells ring and grandchildren come.

Make sure you apologize to your son, daughter or husband when you have treated them wrongly.  Most times, they will be understanding because of their love for you.  Remember, you are not alone in your struggles.  Mothers are the heart of the family’s foundation.  Mothers, you deserve all the praises in the world for the many sacrifices you make to develop a great family!!

It’s fitting to end this article with Angel’s quote. “Look around you today and open your eyes to what God is saying to you.  He speaks to us all day, every day but we miss most of it due to the clutter in our minds and hearts. Don’t miss it today”

Recommended Article to read: How to Build  RELATIONSHIP with Your Child

Written by Mr. Wisdom

(c) 2010 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.

Love and Respect Your Spouse?

Ephesians 5:22-33

Points to Ponder

  1.  We must submit to our spouses with Christian love (Ephesians 5:22-24).
  2. A husband must love his wife as Christ loves us so she will shine with the love of Christ in her heart (Ephesians 5:25).
  3. The husband has the responsibility to lead, serve and guide the family so they may enjoy the fruits of Christ’s labor (Ephesians 5:26-29).
  4. A husband must treat his wife with dignity and respect (Ephesians 5:30).
  5. The husband and wife must be united as one but retain their own personality and identity (Ephesians 5:31).
  6. The husband and wife must persevere with love and respect towards one another regardless of the difficulties they face (Ephesians 5:32-33).

Something  to Consider

Often times there is a misinterpretation of the meaning of “wives submit to your husband.”  When you read the entire text, you realize that God expects the husband to apply Godly principles in the relationship with his wife. God does not control us but he has given us a free will.  Jesus demonstrated his love by serving mankind.  He gave us unconditional love in spite of our sinful nature.

Jesus Christ was totally committed to bringing salvation to us through His death on the cross.  Therefore, it’s very important for the husband to set an example by serving his wife and family.  Here are proven methods for both spouses to utilize in their relationship:

  1.  Know the love of Christ.
  2. Provide unconditional love.
  3. Respect your spouse with your heart.
  4. Encourage your spouse to utilize their gifts and talents.
  5. Support your spouse through difficult times.
  6. Empathize when your spouse’s emotions and feelings are not normal.
  7. Listen intently to every word spoken by your spouse.
  8. Spend time together at home and away from home.
  9. Agree to disagree without destroying the relationship
  10. Show forgiveness regardless of the situation.
  11. Apologize when you are wrong.
  12. Show mercy when your spouse makes wrong choices.
  13. Provide intimacy with a selfless heart.
  14. Provide spiritual guidance to your spouse and family.

Often times there is a misinterpretation of the meaning of “wives submit to your husband.”  When you read the entire text, you realize that God expects the husband to apply Godly principles in the relationship with his wife. God does not control us but he has given us a free will.  Jesus demonstrated his love by serving mankind.  He gave us unconditional love in spite of our sinful nature.

Jesus Christ was totally committed to bringing salvation to us through His death on the cross.  Therefore, it’s very important for the husband to set an example by serving his wife and family.  Here are proven methods for both spouses to utilize in their relationship:

The husband and wife should understand each other’s uniqueness and personality, which should complement the relationship.  Your priority should be about showing Christ’s likeness in the marriage.  This will help your children to build a strong family foundation as you model your relationship.  Don’t allow poverty, wealth, anger, lust, resentment, bitterness, or selfishness destroy the love and commitment you have towards your spouse.  Husbands should lead (It’s God’s design) by God’s standards and not by dictatorship.

Written By Mr. Wisdom

(c) 2010 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.

Parents Must Understand Impact Their Behavior Have on Children Development

Updated

In this article, you will read about two different cases and how the families contributed to the development of their child’s negative and or positive behavior. These cases listed are true but the names have been changed. If you are currently facing conflict with a rebellious child, your first priority is to evaluate your contribution to the situation.  The old saying “It takes two to tango is very true”.  Please seriously evaluate how you are responding and communicating to your children, especially when you are:

  1. Angry
  2. Dealing with aging parents
  3. Discipline your children
  4. Experiencing relationship problems
  5. Facing lack of support from a spouse
  6. Facing health issues
  7. Parenting young adults
  8. Single and  facing issues alone
  9. Stressed over  unemployment
  10. Stressful  after work
  11. Struggling with finances
  12. Upset about various life issues
  13. Wrestling with your own needs

You get the big picture. Please read the following examples:

Family # 1: Embarrassing words hurt a child

A  sixteen (16) year old teenager (Mark) was very angry with his father. The father never knew the extent of the hurt he had caused his son.  Mark was experiencing  great difficulties with his father. They would get into each other face, yell, push and hit.  Mark sometimes would not speak to his father. The family sort counseling for Mark since he had an attitude and temper problem. The father was as stubborn as the son.  They had no respect for each other. During an anger management session, Mark shared that when he was nine (9) years old his parents invited some friends for dinner.  During dinner, the father jokingly asked Mark to say the word yellow because he would say Wella instead of yellow.  The father thought it was funny but it was an embarrassment to the nine year old.

It is very important to understand the sensitivity of your child. Words can damage your child for a life time. Words are dangerous once spoken and you can’t take the words back.  The problem was so bad the father and the son barely spoke or did anything together.

As Mark continued to experience problems with his father, he felt all alone. He had no one to talk to about his feelings and emotions.  He said his mother thought his dad couldn’t do anything wrong so he couldn’t open up to her. He couldn’t wait until he turned 18 years old to get away from home. He felt so much hopelessness and despair which translated into problems in school.  As a result of the anger management sessions, the father was informed about the pain and embarrassment he unintentional inflicted upon his son. After informing the dad,  he missed an opportunity to communicate these words “Son, I apologize for hurting you. I never knew I had hurt you so deeply. I love you very much. We can work through our problems.”  The father didn’t take ownership of the wrong he had done. This left a bad impression on his son. The father is passing onto Mark the skills he learned from his dad.

What could the parents have done to help Mark?

They did provide Mark with private anger management sessions. However, they missed the fact that they personally need assistance.  It was suggested to them to take a parenting class together but they didn’t listen.  The father needed to attend an anger management class as well and/ or counseling. Both parents should have made a personal commitment to work together to help their son. One day Mark will change when he’s ready. His parents must continue to work on rebuilding the relationship as they work on developing their own parenting skills.

Family #2: Dealing with a teenage son’s negative behavior in school

Mary,  a single mother was experiencing problems with her son acting up in school. He was thirteen (13) years old and His name was John.  He was a smart student but he tended to make poor choices  in the classroom which led to conflict with other students.  The mother wanted early intervention for her son.  She checked around to find private one-on-one anger management sessions for John. After she located a private individual to work one-on-one with John, she explained to the individual that John had an anger problem and needed help.

It was revealed in the anger management sessions that his mother was very demanding and had high expectations for her son. Mary really cared about her son’s success. She was committed and dedicated to make sure her son received help.  After completing the anger management sessions, John’s behavior significantly improved in the class room. His behavior improved with his mother as she recognized her expectations were too high. John is doing exceptional well in school and had fewer incidences because he was controlling his attitude and temper.

What did the mother do correctly?

She provided the support and intervened early before her son’s negative behavior became routine. If you are contributing to your child’s negative behavior, you must change your approach by building a relationship with your child. If necessary, seek intervention right away and don’t worry about what people will say about your family.  The longer you wait, it becomes more difficult  to change the behavior. Remember you are a role model for your family. What life skills do you want your children to pass onto their off-spring?

There will be a series of articles on Understanding Your Behavior and Its Impact on Your Child’s Development.

Article written by: Mr. Wisdom                                                          (c) 2009 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.