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Mistakes Parents Made with Their Children through Their Adolescence Years

Mistakes Parents Made with Their Children through Their Adolescence Years

Parents, have you ever made mistakes with your children and wished you had handled the situations differently? I personally don’t know of a single parent that hasn’t made mistakes with their children.  I have counseled parents that deliberately hurt their children because of their own negative experiences during childhood. One thing I do know is that you can’t take back the mistakes but you can learn from them and make better choices in the future.  I encourage mothers and fathers to avoid making mistakes that will damage your children emotionally for the rest of their lives. The core foundations of families in society are broken such as in the development of the emotional, educational, physical and spiritual needs of the children.

During a life skills workshop, I had a fantastic dialog with mothers and fathers relative the mistakes they made with their children. I ask the parents what mistakes you made raising your children. I hope you enjoy reading their responses listed below.

What mistakes have you made raising your children?

Mary’s Mistakes

“I did not listen enough when they were trying to tell me something and there was not sufficient communication with my children. I yelled back at them when they were yelling at me and I did not follow through with discipline. I said many negative things in arguments we had. I did not give my youngsters enough attention when they needed it most. I did not praise them enough on their accomplishments. I put some of my own needs before theirs. I said negative things about their father a few times to the children, and I did n0t set boundaries. I did not build a great family relationship. I did not keep them in sports so they were not out in the streets which would have stopped them from getting into trouble. There was not enough trust and love toward my children.”

Val’s Mistakes

“I let my teenage son always get what he wants. I would bribe him with money. I let him miss school when he wanted to. I never really sat down and talked to my son. I never gave him a chance to let me know how he felt. I used to choose my friends and partying over my son. I would put my girlfriend before him”

Sally’s Mistakes

“I did not give my youngsters rules as they got older. I yelled first and had guilt afterward. I tried to be their friend instead of their parent. I gave in often after I punished in quilt. I yelled a lot to get my point across then I just forgot about the situation.”

Susana’s Mistakes

“As a single parent, I gave and gave instead of them earning or working for things. I feel things would have been better if I had set more boundaries. As a single parent, I had so many grounds to cover as a mom and dad. I was their mother and father. They are older now and not really respecting my struggles and responsibility as a concerned mother. I can’t hold their hands and walk them through life, and they have to do their part; such as school, getting a job, and move out on their own, and live a life of love.”

Rosesetta’s Mistakes

“I was not there all the time for my children. I did not listen to them more about their feelings. I didn’t show them the right and the wrong way. I should have been more responsible. I said the wrong thing too much and I did not do enough discipline with my children.”

Angelica’s Mistakes

“Some mistakes I made were not listening and I sometimes say things off the handle instead of listening. I sometimes say things out of anger which sometimes hurt as bad as being shot. I spoiled my kids to the point that my daughter thinks every pair of Jordan’s shoes that come out she should get them. I think I let my son get away with too much which makes my daughter think it is okay to do. When I put my kids on punishment they should stick to it. But I let them off punishment early which made the youngsters think mom is mad today but I can leave tomorrow. I talked bad things about the kids’ father when frustrated and the kids heard it. Sometimes, I lose my temper and just acted in a way my kids should not see. So what I am saying is that what I do is a prime example of what my kids do. But I will never give up and will change with the help of God.”

Brandon’s Mistakes

“I have been distance, selfish and wrapped up in my own personal problems”

“I have not paid sufficient attention to them and taken their concerns seriously. I have been distance, selfish and wrapped up in my own personal problems. I have not shown enough love to my children nor told them enough. I forgot promises made and did not follow through with the obligations. I have not spent enough time with them nor been involved with their lives. I fought with their mother over unimportant things. I have not financially supportive my children enough. I have pushed them for the bad things but I have not’ praised them enough for the good things my children do.”

Mark’s Mistakes

“I gave my children too much and I let them do things after we said no. I spoiled my children and yelled at them too much. I got angry at some of the silly things. Not talking to grandparents about what we do and do not want our children to have. Not listening to spouse when making decisions because of different points of view. Not being aware of who my children are socializing with. Not discussing situation with my spouse before either one sets punishment and spouse not being on the same page.”

You have read about the mistakes parents made with their children. I am hopeful you will seriously look at the dynamics of your family. Perhaps there are some changes you need to make in your household with your children. Here are 20 steps parents can use to avoid making damaging mistakes with your youngsters.

  1. Spend time with your children
  2. Stop what you are doing and listen to your children when they are trying to tell you something
  3. Follow through when disciplining your youngsters
  4. Praise your children sufficiently on their accomplishments
  5. Avoid saying negative things to your children during conflict
  6. Don’t’ talk negatively to your children about mother or father
  7. Model the right way you want your children to live
  8. Give your children rules and boundaries
  9. Know who your children spent time with
  10. Avoid losing your temper in front of your children
  11. Don’t forget the promises you made to your youngsters
  12. Take your children concerns seriously
  13. Get your children counseling if needed
  14. Follow through on your obligation for your adolescences
  15. Work together with spouse when disciplining your children
  16. Avoid saying the wrong things too much
  17. Support the family financially
  18. Inform grandparents the thing you prefer them not to give to your children
  19. Avoid spoiling your children too much
  20. Do not be your children friend but instead be the parent

Finally, you can not control your children but you must give them the skills needed to make the right choices when they are not around you. When you make a mistake with your children, please apologize and ask them to forgive you.  You have the power and the ability to invest wisely in your children’ lives.

Written by:  Billy J. Strawter, Sr

© EnviCare Consulting Inc.                          All Rights Reserved

Parenting Advice Help Parents to Improve Their Parenting Skills

Parenting Advice Help Parents to Improve Their Parenting Skills

Video:Parents and Teens Invest Wisely in Your Brain

Parents are constantly bombarded with opportunities to raise their children to become responsible adolescents and adults. However, fathers and mothers can’t escape the prospect of facing a rebellious child. There always seems to be one person within the family that creates more problems than the rest of the children if parents have more than one child. Sometimes hopelessness invades the mind of parents when the child’s behavior is chronic. Parents, you are not facing this issue alone but you must believe that your child’s behavior can change.  If you are facing issues with your children or young adult, it’s very valuable to attend a life skills workshop which is very beneficial. A life skills workshop can provide parents with additional tools to confront your family’s issues, and experience what other parents are going through as well and you won’t feel alone. Listed below are parents’ stories about their experiences in an “Important of family: How to Connect” life skills workshop.

Nick’s Experience

“I have  learned that approaching issues with my children have a better chance of positive outcomes if handled with understanding; instead of reacting out of anger. I will deal with the heart of the matter in a calm and nurturing way, one which fosters love and understanding and teaches rather than hurt. As a parent, I want my children to learn how actions have consequences and the responsibility inherent in those actions. I want them to be caring and responsible adults and this workshop has opened my eyes to different approaches to raising my children.”

Debbie’s Experience

I will be there for my children when I know they have made bad choices.

“I learned that family is more important than anything. I’m a single mom raising a 12 year old daughter and a 17 year old teenage son. I cherish both of my children very much. Being a single parent and working 40 hours or more per week is hard, I have learned to cope and deal with it. Attending the life skill class is the best thing that could have happened to me. It taught me how to be a better parent, to stop and listen to my children. It helps me to see how important their opinions are to me. I learned that yelling and screaming is not the answer to correcting my children’s behavior. I will let youngsters know I value their opinions and I learned not to always point the blame at my children. I will be there for my children when I know they have made bad choices.”

Kathie’s Experience

“I came to the life skills class not knowing what to expect. I actually enjoyed the class and learned a few things. It was good to see other parents in the life skills class and that I’m not the only one facing challenges with my children. It has taught me to listen more to my children. A child needs their parents to listen, just as much as we need them to listen. The life skills class taught me that children do things for multiple reasons. I also learned that it is true that kids do things to look good for their friends because of peer pressure. I am going to do my best to use the things I learned to apply at home. I want more than anything for my child to be her best, for her to know that she can trust me; and she can succeed in life and not let others influence her negatively. I learned it’s never too late to get additional life skills.”

Amelia’s Experience

“I am leaving the life skills class today with the expectation of have a better relationship with my daughter and maybe avoid having this problem with my other children. I’m going to use more positive words in my home and try not to argue at everything that might go wrong. I am going to close my mouth a little more and listen to what they have to say before I yell or react to things. I feel like this class has helped me open my eyes to the fact that I am dealing with a young adult and not a baby. She has opinions and thoughts that need to be heard.  I’m going to follow through with any discipline that set and give more thoughts to what kind of discipline is appropriate.”

 Parenting Advice

Listed below are valuable skills that parents had in common after attending a life skills class for parents. We hope you will reflect on the skills to apply in your situations.

  1. Deal with your child’s behavior in a calm manner
  2. Provide appropriate discipline
  3. Don’t think it’s too late to learn life skills
  4. Use more positive words with your children
  5. Screaming and yelling won’t solve the problem
  6. Stop what you are doing and listen to your children
  7. Don’t’ deal with young adults as a child
  8. Don’t point all the blame toward the child
  9. Close mouth a little more and listen to the child
  10. Be available for the child even though the child made a bad choice

Attending a life skills class is very beneficial to attaining parenting advice which helps parents to improve their parenting skills with their children.

Written By: Billy J. Strawter, Sr

© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.               All Rights Reserved