Tag Archives: Mothers

Mistakes Parents Made with Their Children through Their Adolescence Years

Mistakes Parents Made with Their Children through Their Adolescence Years

Parents, have you ever made mistakes with your children and wished you had handled the situations differently? I personally don’t know of a single parent that hasn’t made mistakes with their children.  I have counseled parents that deliberately hurt their children because of their own negative experiences during childhood. One thing I do know is that you can’t take back the mistakes but you can learn from them and make better choices in the future.  I encourage mothers and fathers to avoid making mistakes that will damage your children emotionally for the rest of their lives. The core foundations of families in society are broken such as in the development of the emotional, educational, physical and spiritual needs of the children.

During a life skills workshop, I had a fantastic dialog with mothers and fathers relative the mistakes they made with their children. I ask the parents what mistakes you made raising your children. I hope you enjoy reading their responses listed below.

What mistakes have you made raising your children?

Mary’s Mistakes

“I did not listen enough when they were trying to tell me something and there was not sufficient communication with my children. I yelled back at them when they were yelling at me and I did not follow through with discipline. I said many negative things in arguments we had. I did not give my youngsters enough attention when they needed it most. I did not praise them enough on their accomplishments. I put some of my own needs before theirs. I said negative things about their father a few times to the children, and I did n0t set boundaries. I did not build a great family relationship. I did not keep them in sports so they were not out in the streets which would have stopped them from getting into trouble. There was not enough trust and love toward my children.”

Val’s Mistakes

“I let my teenage son always get what he wants. I would bribe him with money. I let him miss school when he wanted to. I never really sat down and talked to my son. I never gave him a chance to let me know how he felt. I used to choose my friends and partying over my son. I would put my girlfriend before him”

Sally’s Mistakes

“I did not give my youngsters rules as they got older. I yelled first and had guilt afterward. I tried to be their friend instead of their parent. I gave in often after I punished in quilt. I yelled a lot to get my point across then I just forgot about the situation.”

Susana’s Mistakes

“As a single parent, I gave and gave instead of them earning or working for things. I feel things would have been better if I had set more boundaries. As a single parent, I had so many grounds to cover as a mom and dad. I was their mother and father. They are older now and not really respecting my struggles and responsibility as a concerned mother. I can’t hold their hands and walk them through life, and they have to do their part; such as school, getting a job, and move out on their own, and live a life of love.”

Rosesetta’s Mistakes

“I was not there all the time for my children. I did not listen to them more about their feelings. I didn’t show them the right and the wrong way. I should have been more responsible. I said the wrong thing too much and I did not do enough discipline with my children.”

Angelica’s Mistakes

“Some mistakes I made were not listening and I sometimes say things off the handle instead of listening. I sometimes say things out of anger which sometimes hurt as bad as being shot. I spoiled my kids to the point that my daughter thinks every pair of Jordan’s shoes that come out she should get them. I think I let my son get away with too much which makes my daughter think it is okay to do. When I put my kids on punishment they should stick to it. But I let them off punishment early which made the youngsters think mom is mad today but I can leave tomorrow. I talked bad things about the kids’ father when frustrated and the kids heard it. Sometimes, I lose my temper and just acted in a way my kids should not see. So what I am saying is that what I do is a prime example of what my kids do. But I will never give up and will change with the help of God.”

Brandon’s Mistakes

“I have been distance, selfish and wrapped up in my own personal problems”

“I have not paid sufficient attention to them and taken their concerns seriously. I have been distance, selfish and wrapped up in my own personal problems. I have not shown enough love to my children nor told them enough. I forgot promises made and did not follow through with the obligations. I have not spent enough time with them nor been involved with their lives. I fought with their mother over unimportant things. I have not financially supportive my children enough. I have pushed them for the bad things but I have not’ praised them enough for the good things my children do.”

Mark’s Mistakes

“I gave my children too much and I let them do things after we said no. I spoiled my children and yelled at them too much. I got angry at some of the silly things. Not talking to grandparents about what we do and do not want our children to have. Not listening to spouse when making decisions because of different points of view. Not being aware of who my children are socializing with. Not discussing situation with my spouse before either one sets punishment and spouse not being on the same page.”

You have read about the mistakes parents made with their children. I am hopeful you will seriously look at the dynamics of your family. Perhaps there are some changes you need to make in your household with your children. Here are 20 steps parents can use to avoid making damaging mistakes with your youngsters.

  1. Spend time with your children
  2. Stop what you are doing and listen to your children when they are trying to tell you something
  3. Follow through when disciplining your youngsters
  4. Praise your children sufficiently on their accomplishments
  5. Avoid saying negative things to your children during conflict
  6. Don’t’ talk negatively to your children about mother or father
  7. Model the right way you want your children to live
  8. Give your children rules and boundaries
  9. Know who your children spent time with
  10. Avoid losing your temper in front of your children
  11. Don’t forget the promises you made to your youngsters
  12. Take your children concerns seriously
  13. Get your children counseling if needed
  14. Follow through on your obligation for your adolescences
  15. Work together with spouse when disciplining your children
  16. Avoid saying the wrong things too much
  17. Support the family financially
  18. Inform grandparents the thing you prefer them not to give to your children
  19. Avoid spoiling your children too much
  20. Do not be your children friend but instead be the parent

Finally, you can not control your children but you must give them the skills needed to make the right choices when they are not around you. When you make a mistake with your children, please apologize and ask them to forgive you.  You have the power and the ability to invest wisely in your children’ lives.

Written by:  Billy J. Strawter, Sr

© EnviCare Consulting Inc.                          All Rights Reserved

Changes Mothers Need to Make to Improve Relationship with Teenagers

Changes Mothers Need to Make to Improve Relationship with Teenagers

Recently, I wrote an article regarding changes teenagers needed of their father to improve relationship. I thought it would also be interesting to evaluate how teenagers felt about their relationship with their mothers. Mothers are the greatest asset to the family.  I appreciate them greatly because moms bring a wealth of commitment, care and love to the family. Their energy fosters the right kind of family foundation. Every family needs emotional stability in the home. It’s amazing how many mothers multitask for the survival of the family.  Listed below are teenagers’ responses to the following questions:

What changes your mother needs to make to improve her relationship with you?

Sarah’s Responses:

“She needs to get better control of her emotions; I don’t think she realizes how her words affect me emotionally. I also think she needs to understand that we are two different people, which means we won’t always see eye to eye. Even though I am her child, she still has to respect my beliefs and opinions as she expects me to respect her.”

Frank’s Response:

“Mom needs to trust me more and try not to bring up the past all the time”

 Vivian’s Response

“Talk to me instead of yelling

 Doug’s Responses:

“Mom needs to get a job, car and house so that I can live with her part time without going to grandmother. She needs to go tell the court she needs visitation.”

 Tara’s Response:

“I wish mom won’t be so pushy on me. I want mom to be understanding about what I want to do.”

 Quanta’s Responses:

“I wish mother would talk stuff out instead of yelling. Don’t always put her husband over her kids, and I need mom to be there when I need her.

 Raven’s Responses:

“Mom needs to stop yelling so much and believe that sometimes I could be telling the truth. I want mom to stop assuming I am not telling the truth.”

 Cass’s Responses:

“I wish mom would let me enjoy my teen years instead of trying to have me to do and be what she wants me to be. Let me learn from my own mistakes. Mom needs to listen and believe me.”

 Kaila’s Responses:

My mother needs to change a lot. She needs to leave her boyfriend, get clean, and stay clean. Stop lying, stop stealing, take care of self and learn to take constructive criticism. I wish mom would go to rehab and just get better.

 Linda’s Responses:

“I want my mother to trust me more and I want to share anything with my mom. Sometimes, I feel like I can talk to my grandmother about anything before I can talk to my mother. Sometimes I am scared to talk to her so I just leave it to myself. I want to be able to go to places without her thinking I am doing something wrong. All I want is that my mother’s trust me.

 Peter’s Responses:

“My mom needs to work on her temper that she has with me. She needs to stop putting herself first.

 Ashley’s Responses:

“My mother needs to start a trustworthy relationship with me. Mom needs to change her attitude with me. Mom needs to understand I am me and no one else; she needs to improve her attitude and confidence in me and my brother. I never understood why she gets angry towards me after dad left. A lot of things start happening.”

 Haley’s Responses:

“To improve our relationship my mom needs to communicate with me more and try to show me she cares about our relationship. It would also help if she won’t yell as much. If she showed me she could stop yelling, it would help our relationship get better.”

 Sally’s Responses:

“My mom can’t really do anything to improve our relationship. The only thing we need is trust. It’s my fault we don’t have a trusting relationship but only time will improve our relationship.”

 Gray’s Responses:

“I wish my mom would stop going alone with what her boyfriend tells her and stop yelling at me without reason. I need her help once and a while and to have a day where only I and mom can have time together.”

 Tricia’s Responses:

“I wish my mother would stop drinking and stop calling me names. I want mom to be nicer to my little sister and brother, stop sleeping with other guys, stop buying and giving to minors and be a good mom that will listen to me.

 Other Teenagers Responses

  • I wish my mom wouldn’t pick an argument with me
  • Let me do more, trust me and don’t always argue
  • Nothing because we already have a really good relationship
  • My mother needs to be happier. It seems like she’s always mad with me
  • Mom needs to learn to control her anger even if I am the only target in the house
  • Mom needs to stop yelling at me when I’m not doing anything to get yelled at
  • My mother needs to listen to my side of the story instead of jumping to conclusion
  • I wish my mom would ask me nicely to do things instead of automatically get an attitude
  • My mother needs to think things through before she reacts and she needs to stop overreacting to the little things
  • My mom and I have a good relationship and no changes are needed
  • Mother needs to listen more and stop thinking she knows everything all the time
  • I wish mom would get me help when I need it

 Advice for Parents

There are so many factors that contribute to a great or poor relationship with teenagers. The information contained in this article is designed to give parents insight on how some teens feel about their mother. Mothers throughout the world are faced with many challenges raising children and especially when they become adolescents. Every parent should put their children first but don’t forget to stay healthy by exercising, eating healthy foods and spending time to yourself for relaxation. Please utilize trusted family members or friends to help you through the challenges you are facing with your youngsters. Listed below are simple recommendations on building a better relationship with your teenagers:

  1. Spend personal time with your teens
  2. Stop yelling at your children
  3. Listen with your heart
  4. Stop overreacting to teens negative behavior
  5. Think before you overreact
  6. Don’t believe you are always right
  7. Avoid valuing your boyfriend over your children
  8. Stop substance abuse
  9. Minimize getting an attitude and being angry
  10. Let the adolescents know you love them unconditionally
  11. Allow your youngsters to build trust
  12. Allow them to make some mistakes and help the teenagers work through the mistakes
  13. Show confidence in your children
  14. Don’t be angry with your children if you are going through a divorce or if your husband left you
  15. Don’t expect teenagers to be like someone else. Let your teens be themselves
  16. Accept constructive criticism from your children
  17. Avoid using of cruse words
  18. Do not emotionally scare your children
  19. Build a great relationship with your teenagers
  20. Encourage them often instead of calling them bad names
  21. Communicate with respect to your teens
  22. Eat dinner together and attend religious service with your children
  23. Give your teenagers help when needed
  24. Don’t’ always think your teenagers are doing something wrong
  25. Know where your teens  are on the weekend and who they hangout with

Mothers, you have tremendous influential power over your children. I encourage all moms to build a dynamic and un-destructible relationship with their teenagers. Children are an extension of you and sometimes you can see you in them. It’s fantastic to understand that regardless of the negative circumstances you face in life, you have a big heart to deal with it. Time will always heal a broken relationship but it takes a lot of forgiveness. Please listen and understand your teenagers. I hope God will give you the strength and the desire to maintain, improve and endure your relationship with your teenager, persevere.

Written by: Billy J. Strawter, Sr.

 © 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.         All Rights Reserved

Mothers and Fathers Share Reasons Children Don’t Tell Parents the Truth When Teens Are in Trouble

Mothers and Fathers Share Reasons Children Don’t Tell Parents the Truth When Teens Are in Trouble

I wrote a previous article on “Why Children Don’t Tell Parents the Truth When in Trouble “. In the article, I focused on teenagers’ perspectives on the issue of not telling the truth. This article contains parents’ perspectives on adolescents’ wiliness not to speak the truth to their mother and father. During the discussion with the parents, they were very engaged in sharing their thoughts regarding the question listed below:

Why teenagers don’t tell parents the truth when they are in trouble?

Debbie’s perspectives:

  1. Children are afraid of being discipline
  2. Parents won’t understand why the adolescent got in trouble
  3. Parents will yell and scream at the teen
  4. Teens are afraid of being grounded and punishment

Ted’s perspectives:

  1. Youngster believe they can resolve their own problems
  2. Child fear of disappointing their parents
  3. Children scared of possible punishment

Albert’s perspectives

  1. Teens are afraid of punishment
  2. Children know they have let their parents down
  3. Adolescents think they can handle it without parents help
  4. Teens don’t want to hear you yell at them

Kathy’s perspectives

  1. Some children are afraid of their parents response
  2. It’s hard for some teenagers to trust their parents
  3. Teens thinks they can get away with it
  4. Some adolescent lack communication skills

Henry’s Perspectives

  1. Children don’t tell parents the truth when they’re in trouble because they are afraid of consequence
  2. Teens don’t have faith that their mothers and fathers will understand
  3. Children think it will blow over

 Wilma’s Perspectives

  1. Parents will try to change their opinion
  2. They think they can fix and hide the truth before parents find out

Pauline’s Perspectives

  1. Teens are afraid of what the parents are going to say
  2. Teenagers may feel that their parents are going to be disappointed in them
  3. The youngsters don’t want to be punished

Carrie’s Perspective

  1. Teens are afraid of how the parent will react
  2. Teens are embarrassed about what they did.
  3. Teens are scared of consequences

Hope’s perspectives

  1. My child doesn’t tell me the truth for fear of how I will overreact
  2. Teens are afraid of consequences
  3. Kids don’t won’t to disappoint parents

Lee’s Perspective

  1. Teens don’t want to upset parents
  2. Children don’t want to have parents lose trust
  3. Adolescents don’t want to lose privileges
  4. They are ashamed or embarrassed

 Advise for parents and teenagers

The parents’ responses were very accurate and collaborated with the teenagers’ perspective as to why they don’t tell parents the truth when they are in trouble.  The million dollar question is why is it difficult for parents to respond to their children with compassion when the teen lies.

I believe parents yell and scream because of shock, and disappointment in their child’s behavior. Many parents are very surprised and never believed their adolescent would have purposefully chosen to get in trouble.  Sometimes parents purposely ignore the signs that their teen is doing something wrong as if it will go away but it won’t. The issue must be address right away. There are some parents who just don’t care but I believe most parents care how they respond to their teenagers’ negative behavior.

Teens, I encourage you to get more engaged with your parents and always tell them the truth. Please consider applying the seventeen (17) steps below to telling the truth when you are in trouble:

  1. Tell your parents the truth regardless of the consequences or punishments
  2. Don’t’ be afraid of your parents or being grounded
  3. Don’t try to handle the problem by yourself
  4. Place faith in your parents
  5. Never believe the problem will blow over
  6. Approach your parents with a humbled heart to tell them the truth
  7. Tell your parents you are in trouble before they hear the bad news from someone else
  8. Communicate your feelings with respect to your parents
  9. Avoid telling half trues to your mother or father because it won’t make life easier
  10. Don’t’ fear that your parents will be upset about you being in trouble ( A concerned parent will be upset)
  11. Be prepared to know your parents might respond by yelling and screaming
  12. Don’t shut down while communicating with your parents when they overreact to the situation
  13. Admit that your behavior was wrong
  14. Don’t blame your peers or others for your poor decision
  15. Apologize to your parents for making the wrong choices
  16. Love your parents unconditionally
  17. Ask for forgiveness and immediately start making better choices

Teens, it is wise to invest these seventeen (17) steps in your life. Why, you will be more enthusiastic about speaking the truth to your parents when you are in trouble.  Your parents love you very much. If your parents can help, please contact a relative, or school counselor or youth organization that willing to help. You should always communicate the truth to your parents when you are in trouble.

Written By:  Billy J. Strawter, Sr

© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.                               All Rights Reserved

God Appears To The Wife's Husband

(Genesis 17:1-27)

Points to Ponder

  1. When God makes a covenant with us there are some conditions (Genesis 17:1).
  2. God will always confirm His covenant  with blessings (Genesis 17:2-4).
  3. When you are touched by God, you can’t help but fall down in awe of Him (Genesis 17:3).
  4. God gives His servants a new name (Genesis 17:5, 15).
  5. God confirms an everlasting blessing with His servant’s (Genesis 17:6-8, 15-17).
  6. God’s servants and their descendants must keep His covenant for generations (Genesis 17:7).
  7. God distinguished His people through circumcision of the flesh (Genesis 17:9-13).
  8. God communicates to His servant the consequences of being uncircumcised (V14).
  9. God confirms to His servant that his spouse will be blessed (Genesis 17:15-16).
  10. There are times when  laughter of doubt invades us because things seems impossible (Genesis 17:17).
  11.  It’s never too late for God to supernaturally move in our lives regardless of our age (Genesis 17:18-22).
  12.  Fathers and mothers must always set the example in the household by obeying God’s covenant for generations (Genesis 17:23-27).

Something to Consider

It is an honor to be chosen by God to be a blessing to the world. It take great obedience and leadership skills to listen to God and to teach our family, servants and friends about God’s covenants.  It becomes more difficult when age seems to take over our bodies and we wonder whether God is still active in our lives. We must always remember it’s not too late for God to move in our lives because He is the master of time.

Written By Mr. Wisdom

(c) 2010 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.  All Rights Reserved Worldwide