Tag Archives: Parents

Parents’ Propectives on What They Learned and Will do Differently After Their Expereince in A Life Skills Workshop

This article describes how parents felt after attending a life skills workshop. They shared their perspectives on changes they needed to make in regard to their relationship with their children. or especially the teenager.  Hopefully, this information will be absolutely beneficial as you work to bring stability to your household.  Every family is unique but faces similar issues. How you respond to those issues can lead to a fantastic outcome or a night mare. It’s up to you to make the right choice regardless of your situation. The parents that attended the life skills workshop recognized the changes they needed to implement in their household.  If you can identify with their comments, please consider making the appropriate changes in your life and feel good about the decisions you are doing to motivate and encourage your children to be successful.

What did you learn from Importance of Family: How to Connect Workshop?

 

  • I learned to listen; communicate with my child whether than yell at them!
  • To listen to my child more.
  • I learned a lot about myself on how I need to become firmer as a parent, need to become consistent with my discipline and follow through.
  • I learned how to handle situations that I will come across with my kids in a more appropriate way instead of yelling and being negative.
  • To trust in myself and be confident and strong after being disabled. I had lost a lot of confidence but I have the same brain just not the same body.
  • To stop and think before I react to the child and that all opinions are important.
  • I feel I learned how to not only be a better parent but to be a better person.
  • To take time and listen to my children, and to be consistent with punishment. Try not to yell when they have done wrong.
  • I learned that to argue with a child isn’t going to solve a problem. It taught me that being open-minded goes a long way and helps to understand a child more.
  • How to communicate without negativity.
  • I learned how to speak better with my children and the need to spend more time with them and the listen more.
  • To listen, not overreact and to think positive and instill positive thoughts.
  • To be a better parent, how to communicate with my child without yelling. Let my child communicate their feelings, and emotions. I need to better my relationship with my child.

 What will you do differently as a result of the Importance of Family: How to Connect Workshop?

 

  • Stop yelling at them!
  • Have more family time.
  • I will be a better listener
  • I will be more positive towards the way I communicate with my kids and not yell as much.
  • We will communicate better, take the yelling out, talk and earn his trust back.
  • To calm down listen more and give more praise.
  • How I handle disciplining situations.
  • Listen more to what they say and have more family time.
  • I will change the way I handle bad situations by taking a breather then discuss the problem.
  • Stop my yelling, swearing and try to communicate more with my son.
  • I will try to be a better parent, person and so as much as possible to help my child.
  • I hope to make more time for family and respect my daughter’s decisions and opinions.

 

 Article by: Billy J. Strawter, Sr.

 

© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.               All Rights Reserved Worldwide

 

Parents Are Valuing Life Skills Strategies To Help Raise Their Children

Parents Are Valuing Life Skills Strategies To Help Raise Their Children

Listed below are comments from parents that attended a life skills workshop. We will continue to share with you parents perspectives on the values of attending a life skills workshop. We believe that our articles should contain information that reflects the challenges parents are facing with their children, especially parents with teenagers. 

Shawn’s Testimonial

“As a parent, I will work on listening to my children. I will work on yelling less to not at all. It was encouraging hearing suggestions in the life skills workshop and especially the things we are already doing now with our children. There were several times I questioned if I am parenting correctly. The life skills workshop helped to reiterating what I am doing at home is the correct path as well as room for improvement.

The life skills workshop should be offered to new parents. I thought the workshop was very powerful and helped me look at myself and what I need to work on at home. I believe more in myself.”

Matthew’s Testimonial

“I learned I needed more sensible discussion with my troubled son without some of the anger of past disciplining. I have tried yelling in the past to discipline my children. I have discipline while angry immediately after the incident. The instructor showed me ways to get things out of my child without yelling and being angry but to discipline the correct way. I believe my son will be a much better person after this workshop because my wife and I attend it together. I needed this workshop to take a step back and refocus my energy in a proper and beneficial way towards assisting my family and son.

Christiana’s Testimonial

“I now value the importance of building a relationship with my children including caring and making supper. It’s important that their physical, spiritual, educational and emotional needs are met as well.  I will stop pouring into my child yelling and begin to invest motivating, encouraging, and listening to my children. Instead of trying to rule over them, I will listen and try to get to the root cause of the problem. Sometimes, I walk away and never know what my son is feeling. When I do walk away, it hinders my son from wanting to do better and it makes things worse because now he is angry and won’t talk to me. I do still need to be firm and stand up for what I believe even if it’s not popular. I will share more encouragement, praise, love, time and proper discipline with my son.”

Jim’s Testimonial

“As learned in the parenting class today, it is important to be directly involved with your children in everything they do. By this I mean, you have to influence them from the time they are young and be a positive person in their life. Most of the things we covered are plainly obvious but it is so easy to forget of stray from these positive aspects. I believe that the life skills’ strategies will help me to refocus on these little things that make a difference. It will help me become more of a positive influence moving forward with my children. Instead of invoking negative thoughts, I will forcus on being understanding and caring towards my children.  Negative things can and do happen in life and as a parent, I have position of authority to help guide my children through their issues. I am very glad that I attended the life skills workshop and also that my teenager is involved in the anger management and critical thinking classes.

Article by: Billy J. Strawter, Sr.

© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.               All Rights Reserved Worldwide

Mistakes Parents Made with Their Children through Their Adolescence Years

Mistakes Parents Made with Their Children through Their Adolescence Years

Parents, have you ever made mistakes with your children and wished you had handled the situations differently? I personally don’t know of a single parent that hasn’t made mistakes with their children.  I have counseled parents that deliberately hurt their children because of their own negative experiences during childhood. One thing I do know is that you can’t take back the mistakes but you can learn from them and make better choices in the future.  I encourage mothers and fathers to avoid making mistakes that will damage your children emotionally for the rest of their lives. The core foundations of families in society are broken such as in the development of the emotional, educational, physical and spiritual needs of the children.

During a life skills workshop, I had a fantastic dialog with mothers and fathers relative the mistakes they made with their children. I ask the parents what mistakes you made raising your children. I hope you enjoy reading their responses listed below.

What mistakes have you made raising your children?

Mary’s Mistakes

“I did not listen enough when they were trying to tell me something and there was not sufficient communication with my children. I yelled back at them when they were yelling at me and I did not follow through with discipline. I said many negative things in arguments we had. I did not give my youngsters enough attention when they needed it most. I did not praise them enough on their accomplishments. I put some of my own needs before theirs. I said negative things about their father a few times to the children, and I did n0t set boundaries. I did not build a great family relationship. I did not keep them in sports so they were not out in the streets which would have stopped them from getting into trouble. There was not enough trust and love toward my children.”

Val’s Mistakes

“I let my teenage son always get what he wants. I would bribe him with money. I let him miss school when he wanted to. I never really sat down and talked to my son. I never gave him a chance to let me know how he felt. I used to choose my friends and partying over my son. I would put my girlfriend before him”

Sally’s Mistakes

“I did not give my youngsters rules as they got older. I yelled first and had guilt afterward. I tried to be their friend instead of their parent. I gave in often after I punished in quilt. I yelled a lot to get my point across then I just forgot about the situation.”

Susana’s Mistakes

“As a single parent, I gave and gave instead of them earning or working for things. I feel things would have been better if I had set more boundaries. As a single parent, I had so many grounds to cover as a mom and dad. I was their mother and father. They are older now and not really respecting my struggles and responsibility as a concerned mother. I can’t hold their hands and walk them through life, and they have to do their part; such as school, getting a job, and move out on their own, and live a life of love.”

Rosesetta’s Mistakes

“I was not there all the time for my children. I did not listen to them more about their feelings. I didn’t show them the right and the wrong way. I should have been more responsible. I said the wrong thing too much and I did not do enough discipline with my children.”

Angelica’s Mistakes

“Some mistakes I made were not listening and I sometimes say things off the handle instead of listening. I sometimes say things out of anger which sometimes hurt as bad as being shot. I spoiled my kids to the point that my daughter thinks every pair of Jordan’s shoes that come out she should get them. I think I let my son get away with too much which makes my daughter think it is okay to do. When I put my kids on punishment they should stick to it. But I let them off punishment early which made the youngsters think mom is mad today but I can leave tomorrow. I talked bad things about the kids’ father when frustrated and the kids heard it. Sometimes, I lose my temper and just acted in a way my kids should not see. So what I am saying is that what I do is a prime example of what my kids do. But I will never give up and will change with the help of God.”

Brandon’s Mistakes

“I have been distance, selfish and wrapped up in my own personal problems”

“I have not paid sufficient attention to them and taken their concerns seriously. I have been distance, selfish and wrapped up in my own personal problems. I have not shown enough love to my children nor told them enough. I forgot promises made and did not follow through with the obligations. I have not spent enough time with them nor been involved with their lives. I fought with their mother over unimportant things. I have not financially supportive my children enough. I have pushed them for the bad things but I have not’ praised them enough for the good things my children do.”

Mark’s Mistakes

“I gave my children too much and I let them do things after we said no. I spoiled my children and yelled at them too much. I got angry at some of the silly things. Not talking to grandparents about what we do and do not want our children to have. Not listening to spouse when making decisions because of different points of view. Not being aware of who my children are socializing with. Not discussing situation with my spouse before either one sets punishment and spouse not being on the same page.”

You have read about the mistakes parents made with their children. I am hopeful you will seriously look at the dynamics of your family. Perhaps there are some changes you need to make in your household with your children. Here are 20 steps parents can use to avoid making damaging mistakes with your youngsters.

  1. Spend time with your children
  2. Stop what you are doing and listen to your children when they are trying to tell you something
  3. Follow through when disciplining your youngsters
  4. Praise your children sufficiently on their accomplishments
  5. Avoid saying negative things to your children during conflict
  6. Don’t’ talk negatively to your children about mother or father
  7. Model the right way you want your children to live
  8. Give your children rules and boundaries
  9. Know who your children spent time with
  10. Avoid losing your temper in front of your children
  11. Don’t forget the promises you made to your youngsters
  12. Take your children concerns seriously
  13. Get your children counseling if needed
  14. Follow through on your obligation for your adolescences
  15. Work together with spouse when disciplining your children
  16. Avoid saying the wrong things too much
  17. Support the family financially
  18. Inform grandparents the thing you prefer them not to give to your children
  19. Avoid spoiling your children too much
  20. Do not be your children friend but instead be the parent

Finally, you can not control your children but you must give them the skills needed to make the right choices when they are not around you. When you make a mistake with your children, please apologize and ask them to forgive you.  You have the power and the ability to invest wisely in your children’ lives.

Written by:  Billy J. Strawter, Sr

© EnviCare Consulting Inc.                          All Rights Reserved

Parenting Advice Help Parents to Improve Their Parenting Skills

Parenting Advice Help Parents to Improve Their Parenting Skills

Video:Parents and Teens Invest Wisely in Your Brain

Parents are constantly bombarded with opportunities to raise their children to become responsible adolescents and adults. However, fathers and mothers can’t escape the prospect of facing a rebellious child. There always seems to be one person within the family that creates more problems than the rest of the children if parents have more than one child. Sometimes hopelessness invades the mind of parents when the child’s behavior is chronic. Parents, you are not facing this issue alone but you must believe that your child’s behavior can change.  If you are facing issues with your children or young adult, it’s very valuable to attend a life skills workshop which is very beneficial. A life skills workshop can provide parents with additional tools to confront your family’s issues, and experience what other parents are going through as well and you won’t feel alone. Listed below are parents’ stories about their experiences in an “Important of family: How to Connect” life skills workshop.

Nick’s Experience

“I have  learned that approaching issues with my children have a better chance of positive outcomes if handled with understanding; instead of reacting out of anger. I will deal with the heart of the matter in a calm and nurturing way, one which fosters love and understanding and teaches rather than hurt. As a parent, I want my children to learn how actions have consequences and the responsibility inherent in those actions. I want them to be caring and responsible adults and this workshop has opened my eyes to different approaches to raising my children.”

Debbie’s Experience

I will be there for my children when I know they have made bad choices.

“I learned that family is more important than anything. I’m a single mom raising a 12 year old daughter and a 17 year old teenage son. I cherish both of my children very much. Being a single parent and working 40 hours or more per week is hard, I have learned to cope and deal with it. Attending the life skill class is the best thing that could have happened to me. It taught me how to be a better parent, to stop and listen to my children. It helps me to see how important their opinions are to me. I learned that yelling and screaming is not the answer to correcting my children’s behavior. I will let youngsters know I value their opinions and I learned not to always point the blame at my children. I will be there for my children when I know they have made bad choices.”

Kathie’s Experience

“I came to the life skills class not knowing what to expect. I actually enjoyed the class and learned a few things. It was good to see other parents in the life skills class and that I’m not the only one facing challenges with my children. It has taught me to listen more to my children. A child needs their parents to listen, just as much as we need them to listen. The life skills class taught me that children do things for multiple reasons. I also learned that it is true that kids do things to look good for their friends because of peer pressure. I am going to do my best to use the things I learned to apply at home. I want more than anything for my child to be her best, for her to know that she can trust me; and she can succeed in life and not let others influence her negatively. I learned it’s never too late to get additional life skills.”

Amelia’s Experience

“I am leaving the life skills class today with the expectation of have a better relationship with my daughter and maybe avoid having this problem with my other children. I’m going to use more positive words in my home and try not to argue at everything that might go wrong. I am going to close my mouth a little more and listen to what they have to say before I yell or react to things. I feel like this class has helped me open my eyes to the fact that I am dealing with a young adult and not a baby. She has opinions and thoughts that need to be heard.  I’m going to follow through with any discipline that set and give more thoughts to what kind of discipline is appropriate.”

 Parenting Advice

Listed below are valuable skills that parents had in common after attending a life skills class for parents. We hope you will reflect on the skills to apply in your situations.

  1. Deal with your child’s behavior in a calm manner
  2. Provide appropriate discipline
  3. Don’t think it’s too late to learn life skills
  4. Use more positive words with your children
  5. Screaming and yelling won’t solve the problem
  6. Stop what you are doing and listen to your children
  7. Don’t’ deal with young adults as a child
  8. Don’t point all the blame toward the child
  9. Close mouth a little more and listen to the child
  10. Be available for the child even though the child made a bad choice

Attending a life skills class is very beneficial to attaining parenting advice which helps parents to improve their parenting skills with their children.

Written By: Billy J. Strawter, Sr

© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.               All Rights Reserved

 

Changes Mothers Need to Make to Improve Relationship with Teenagers

Changes Mothers Need to Make to Improve Relationship with Teenagers

Recently, I wrote an article regarding changes teenagers needed of their father to improve relationship. I thought it would also be interesting to evaluate how teenagers felt about their relationship with their mothers. Mothers are the greatest asset to the family.  I appreciate them greatly because moms bring a wealth of commitment, care and love to the family. Their energy fosters the right kind of family foundation. Every family needs emotional stability in the home. It’s amazing how many mothers multitask for the survival of the family.  Listed below are teenagers’ responses to the following questions:

What changes your mother needs to make to improve her relationship with you?

Sarah’s Responses:

“She needs to get better control of her emotions; I don’t think she realizes how her words affect me emotionally. I also think she needs to understand that we are two different people, which means we won’t always see eye to eye. Even though I am her child, she still has to respect my beliefs and opinions as she expects me to respect her.”

Frank’s Response:

“Mom needs to trust me more and try not to bring up the past all the time”

 Vivian’s Response

“Talk to me instead of yelling

 Doug’s Responses:

“Mom needs to get a job, car and house so that I can live with her part time without going to grandmother. She needs to go tell the court she needs visitation.”

 Tara’s Response:

“I wish mom won’t be so pushy on me. I want mom to be understanding about what I want to do.”

 Quanta’s Responses:

“I wish mother would talk stuff out instead of yelling. Don’t always put her husband over her kids, and I need mom to be there when I need her.

 Raven’s Responses:

“Mom needs to stop yelling so much and believe that sometimes I could be telling the truth. I want mom to stop assuming I am not telling the truth.”

 Cass’s Responses:

“I wish mom would let me enjoy my teen years instead of trying to have me to do and be what she wants me to be. Let me learn from my own mistakes. Mom needs to listen and believe me.”

 Kaila’s Responses:

My mother needs to change a lot. She needs to leave her boyfriend, get clean, and stay clean. Stop lying, stop stealing, take care of self and learn to take constructive criticism. I wish mom would go to rehab and just get better.

 Linda’s Responses:

“I want my mother to trust me more and I want to share anything with my mom. Sometimes, I feel like I can talk to my grandmother about anything before I can talk to my mother. Sometimes I am scared to talk to her so I just leave it to myself. I want to be able to go to places without her thinking I am doing something wrong. All I want is that my mother’s trust me.

 Peter’s Responses:

“My mom needs to work on her temper that she has with me. She needs to stop putting herself first.

 Ashley’s Responses:

“My mother needs to start a trustworthy relationship with me. Mom needs to change her attitude with me. Mom needs to understand I am me and no one else; she needs to improve her attitude and confidence in me and my brother. I never understood why she gets angry towards me after dad left. A lot of things start happening.”

 Haley’s Responses:

“To improve our relationship my mom needs to communicate with me more and try to show me she cares about our relationship. It would also help if she won’t yell as much. If she showed me she could stop yelling, it would help our relationship get better.”

 Sally’s Responses:

“My mom can’t really do anything to improve our relationship. The only thing we need is trust. It’s my fault we don’t have a trusting relationship but only time will improve our relationship.”

 Gray’s Responses:

“I wish my mom would stop going alone with what her boyfriend tells her and stop yelling at me without reason. I need her help once and a while and to have a day where only I and mom can have time together.”

 Tricia’s Responses:

“I wish my mother would stop drinking and stop calling me names. I want mom to be nicer to my little sister and brother, stop sleeping with other guys, stop buying and giving to minors and be a good mom that will listen to me.

 Other Teenagers Responses

  • I wish my mom wouldn’t pick an argument with me
  • Let me do more, trust me and don’t always argue
  • Nothing because we already have a really good relationship
  • My mother needs to be happier. It seems like she’s always mad with me
  • Mom needs to learn to control her anger even if I am the only target in the house
  • Mom needs to stop yelling at me when I’m not doing anything to get yelled at
  • My mother needs to listen to my side of the story instead of jumping to conclusion
  • I wish my mom would ask me nicely to do things instead of automatically get an attitude
  • My mother needs to think things through before she reacts and she needs to stop overreacting to the little things
  • My mom and I have a good relationship and no changes are needed
  • Mother needs to listen more and stop thinking she knows everything all the time
  • I wish mom would get me help when I need it

 Advice for Parents

There are so many factors that contribute to a great or poor relationship with teenagers. The information contained in this article is designed to give parents insight on how some teens feel about their mother. Mothers throughout the world are faced with many challenges raising children and especially when they become adolescents. Every parent should put their children first but don’t forget to stay healthy by exercising, eating healthy foods and spending time to yourself for relaxation. Please utilize trusted family members or friends to help you through the challenges you are facing with your youngsters. Listed below are simple recommendations on building a better relationship with your teenagers:

  1. Spend personal time with your teens
  2. Stop yelling at your children
  3. Listen with your heart
  4. Stop overreacting to teens negative behavior
  5. Think before you overreact
  6. Don’t believe you are always right
  7. Avoid valuing your boyfriend over your children
  8. Stop substance abuse
  9. Minimize getting an attitude and being angry
  10. Let the adolescents know you love them unconditionally
  11. Allow your youngsters to build trust
  12. Allow them to make some mistakes and help the teenagers work through the mistakes
  13. Show confidence in your children
  14. Don’t be angry with your children if you are going through a divorce or if your husband left you
  15. Don’t expect teenagers to be like someone else. Let your teens be themselves
  16. Accept constructive criticism from your children
  17. Avoid using of cruse words
  18. Do not emotionally scare your children
  19. Build a great relationship with your teenagers
  20. Encourage them often instead of calling them bad names
  21. Communicate with respect to your teens
  22. Eat dinner together and attend religious service with your children
  23. Give your teenagers help when needed
  24. Don’t’ always think your teenagers are doing something wrong
  25. Know where your teens  are on the weekend and who they hangout with

Mothers, you have tremendous influential power over your children. I encourage all moms to build a dynamic and un-destructible relationship with their teenagers. Children are an extension of you and sometimes you can see you in them. It’s fantastic to understand that regardless of the negative circumstances you face in life, you have a big heart to deal with it. Time will always heal a broken relationship but it takes a lot of forgiveness. Please listen and understand your teenagers. I hope God will give you the strength and the desire to maintain, improve and endure your relationship with your teenager, persevere.

Written by: Billy J. Strawter, Sr.

 © 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.         All Rights Reserved

Teenagers Journey in Anger Management and Critical Thinking Classes

Teenagers Journey in Anger Management and Critical Thinking Classes

As parents, we sometimes fail to recognize the complexity of adolescences lives. Every day many of our youngsters deal with issues we didn’t face as teenagers.  For example, we weren’t apprehensive about our friends posting private information on social media, bullying and epidemic of divorce in society, and traveling to different parents’ homes as result of the divorce. They are subject to different rules which cause conflict within their hearts. The lack of stability in the family is destroying many teens and they are becoming very angry. Some are becoming more disrespectful to adults and their parents. All these things impact the quality of parents, mothers, and leaders that will guide us in the future.

Parents can’t protect their children always so it our parental responsibility to teach the adolescences the skills needed to survive the confusion of life. We can guide teens by preparing  them to control their feelings and emotions when faced with conflicts. Listed below are teen’s comments regarding two classes they attended called Anger Management and Critical Thinking. The teens learned first how to control their anger and then how to apply critical thinking from stories written by teenagers and adults.

Roseland’s Comments:

“Throughout my journey in the anger management and critical thinking class it helped me to realize that there is more to life. It helped me to realize that I’m very close-minded. If I had these skills before I got in a bad situation, the outcome would have been completely different because it wouldn’t have happen.  As much as I hated I got caught, I recognized God had a better plan. He gave me an opportunity meet an amazing teacher. These classes were very beneficial for me. I am sad that my journey in these classes has come to an in. I am sad but hopeful because I know I got something out of the classes that can never be taken away from me. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and my reason was to be planted in the anger management and critical thinking classes.”

Vera’s Comments

“The anger management and critical thinking classes impacted my life so much. I learned how to control my attitude (feelings and emotions) and temper (revenge and anger).  I would fight, yell, scream, and do things that were very disrespectful. Now I know to communicate my feeling with respect and not get out of hand by yelling and fighting.  Being in the classes for eight weeks, it taught me to do the right thing.  In the future, I know when I am in a situation I can resolve the conflict without fighting or yelling. I have benefited so much from being in the classes and I am glad I took them.”

Dale’s Comments:

“Over the past eight week, I have learned a lot of good things that I can use later in life or when I get into a tough situation or when I need to control my attitude and temper. I learned that when I am mad, it’s best to think about what I’m going to do before I do it. If I don’t, it will have a hug negative impact on my present and future. Therefore, when control my attitude and temper it will have a positive impact on my life. I will be able to talk through a situation without arguing and adding fuel to the situation.  I learned that what you put in your piggy bank that’s what you will get out.  The piggy bank represents my brain. This means if you like arguing or fighting that is what you will do every most times. If you resolve conflict respectfully, it well becomes a habit. Therefore, I learned to be respectful and now I am being more responsible which leads to positive outcomes.”

 

 

 

 

Lovelene’s comments:

“Anger management and critical thinking classes taught me how to stay in control of my temper, and attitude. I get mad quickly but I don’t talk it out with anyone then it lowers my self-esteem. I learned not to let my temper control me. For example, I take time out before I react to a negative situation. I am working harder on getting my education. I like critical thinking better because it had examples of problems teenagers go through. It makes you think if I was in that person place what would I do to be honest and make right choices. I learned about the importance of a relationship relating to love, honesty, and trust as it relates to my parents. I am grateful that I had an opportunity to be involved with the anger management and critical thinking classes. It makes teens realize that their mistakes can lead to bad situation and without making teenagers feel bad.”

Kaleen’s Comments:

“The anger management and critical thinking classes changed my life in many ways. I appreciated the help to keep from having sticky fingers. I am thankful to receive another chance in life because I probably would have gone to a juvenile detention facility or someplace bad.  It was nice being in the classes because I learned how to better control my attitude and temper. I am talking more nicely and now walk away from others whose doing wrong. I am so thankful for a second chance and I will do better with my life.”

Comments

The common things that benefited the teenagers as result of attending an anger management and critical thinking classes are listed below:

  1. Improved their self-esteem
  2. Started  to think  more positive of themselves and others
  3. Became more responsible which lead to positive outcomes
  4. Started to speak kindhearted to people
  5. Appreciated being given a second chance
  6. Learned to control their attitude and temper
  7. Valued being taught how to control their anger
  8. Built better relationship with family and peers
  9. Communicated better with their parents and others
  10. Learned it was okay to attend anger management and critical thinking classes
  11. Decided education was very important for their future.
  12. Applied more positive thinking

The teenagers that attended the anger management and critical thinking classes had no idea how their lives would be influenced. The teenagers weren’t interested and the teens were afraid of attending the classes. They didn’t want to be ridiculed doing the classes nor disrespected. However, many of the youngsters found comfort because they knew the classes were for their best interest. They felt the teach had a caring and compassionate heart for them.

Advice for Youngsters

Teens, if you are experiencing anger problems, don’t hesitate to attend classes that will empower you to control your attitude and temper. Persevere to avoid investing in your heart things that will negatively affect your character and relationship with others. Please improve your life skills which will aid you when conflicts occur. It’s healthier to be prepared before you are confronted with difficult situations. You are absolutely important to the success of society, and there is high expectation of  teens to mature and to be successful responsible adults.  In the future, you possibly will become  fathers or mothers or leaders and your life skills will be very critically important.

We need you to lead our country with a caring and compassionate heart  for all of God’s creation. You were not borne just to serve yourself but to serve others. The benefits to your self-sacrificing services are blessings and strength to overcome obstacles you’ll face the rest of your life. We hope  strength, peace and  joy will travel with you to end of your life. Never forget your journey is different from other teenagers because you are uniquely created.  You should be you and not someone else. You must always desire to manager your anger by applying critical thinking when faced with complex conflicts.

Written: Billy J. Strawter, Sr

© EnviCare Consulting, Inc                 all Rights Reserved

Parents Feel Angry, Betrayed, Disappointed and Hurt When Teenagers Don’t Tell the Truth

Parents Feel  Angry, Betrayed, Disappointed and Hurt When Teenagers Don’t Tell The Truth

Parenting teenagers can be very challenging sometimes as they seek their independence. Sometimes parents wonder did they received the right baby from the hospital because the child is disconnected from the family. It’s amazing as parents observe their children grow up they wonder what will they become as an adult. The greatest hope is for their teenagers to be protected from emotional scares and the desire for the youngsters to be very successful. Suddenly, a great storm arises in the relationship do to an unbelievable choice the child made. The parents didn’t hear about the problem from their teen but were informed by someone else.  It’s an emotional roller coaster for parents when their adolescents fail to tell them the truth.  Listed below is how parents feel when their teens avoid telling the truth when they are in trouble.

How do you feel when your children don’t tell you the truth?

Stacy’s Responses:

  • It depends upon what’s it about and I try to talk to her
  • I want to know the reason for not telling me the truth

Deborah’s Responses:

  • I feel angry, frustrated and disappointed
  • I start yelling and screaming
  • I don’t listen
  • Teenagers don’t trust me

Ted’s Responses:

  • Disappointed because they ate making bad choices
  • Frustrated because I think what did I do wrong
  • Sadden because they are not open to telling me the truth

Albert’s Responses:

  • I feel let down
  • I feel angry and disappointed
  • I haven’t done my job

Kathie Responses:

  • I feel like I haven’t done my job
  • I ask myself where did I go wrong
  • I think back to trust, does my child not trust me

Hillary Responses:

  • I feel my teen have betrayed me
  • They are wrong
  • They don’t trust me
  • I feel I failed them
  • I feel hurt and angry

Paulina’s Responses:

  • I feel very sad that my teen don’t trust me to tell me what happened
  • I feel betrayed and disappointed

Carries’ Responses:

  • I feel sad and hurt because you have taught them right from wrong
  • Disappointed that they can’t talk to us about anything

Lee’s Responses:

  • I am disappointed, lost trust, and angry at my teen
  • I am in disbelief

Julia’s Responses:

  • Betrayed
  • Let down
  • Hurt
  • Disappointed

Marcia’s Responses:

  • Upset
  • Angry
  • Disappointed

Advice for teenagers

Teenagers, I encourage you to understand how untruthfulness hurt your parents’ feelings which creates different emotions. You must do everything within your power to always tell your parents the truth. Don’t hide anything from them but be brave, caring and understanding. They might overreact but their love for you will last forever. You must be patient with your parents as they process why you didn’t tell the truth. Let unconditional love and respect for your parents be the guiding light for you all the days of your life. Listed be are several responses that are common to parents:

  1. They are disappointed in their teenagers lack of truthfulness
  2. They felt betrayed because their teens weren’t willing to tell the truth
  3. They lost trust in their teens because they weren’t honest
  4. They were very angry with their teenagers for not being open
  5. They felt as though they had failed as parents

Teenager, please process your parents’ feelings and emotions. Ponder upon their feelings in your heart, soul and mind. Once again, always apply truth daily in your life. Always remember that parents feel angry, betrayed, disappointed and hurt when teenagers don’t tell the truth.

 

Written By: Billy J. Strawter, Sr

© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.               All Rights Reserved

Mothers and Fathers Share Reasons Children Don’t Tell Parents the Truth When Teens Are in Trouble

Mothers and Fathers Share Reasons Children Don’t Tell Parents the Truth When Teens Are in Trouble

I wrote a previous article on “Why Children Don’t Tell Parents the Truth When in Trouble “. In the article, I focused on teenagers’ perspectives on the issue of not telling the truth. This article contains parents’ perspectives on adolescents’ wiliness not to speak the truth to their mother and father. During the discussion with the parents, they were very engaged in sharing their thoughts regarding the question listed below:

Why teenagers don’t tell parents the truth when they are in trouble?

Debbie’s perspectives:

  1. Children are afraid of being discipline
  2. Parents won’t understand why the adolescent got in trouble
  3. Parents will yell and scream at the teen
  4. Teens are afraid of being grounded and punishment

Ted’s perspectives:

  1. Youngster believe they can resolve their own problems
  2. Child fear of disappointing their parents
  3. Children scared of possible punishment

Albert’s perspectives

  1. Teens are afraid of punishment
  2. Children know they have let their parents down
  3. Adolescents think they can handle it without parents help
  4. Teens don’t want to hear you yell at them

Kathy’s perspectives

  1. Some children are afraid of their parents response
  2. It’s hard for some teenagers to trust their parents
  3. Teens thinks they can get away with it
  4. Some adolescent lack communication skills

Henry’s Perspectives

  1. Children don’t tell parents the truth when they’re in trouble because they are afraid of consequence
  2. Teens don’t have faith that their mothers and fathers will understand
  3. Children think it will blow over

 Wilma’s Perspectives

  1. Parents will try to change their opinion
  2. They think they can fix and hide the truth before parents find out

Pauline’s Perspectives

  1. Teens are afraid of what the parents are going to say
  2. Teenagers may feel that their parents are going to be disappointed in them
  3. The youngsters don’t want to be punished

Carrie’s Perspective

  1. Teens are afraid of how the parent will react
  2. Teens are embarrassed about what they did.
  3. Teens are scared of consequences

Hope’s perspectives

  1. My child doesn’t tell me the truth for fear of how I will overreact
  2. Teens are afraid of consequences
  3. Kids don’t won’t to disappoint parents

Lee’s Perspective

  1. Teens don’t want to upset parents
  2. Children don’t want to have parents lose trust
  3. Adolescents don’t want to lose privileges
  4. They are ashamed or embarrassed

 Advise for parents and teenagers

The parents’ responses were very accurate and collaborated with the teenagers’ perspective as to why they don’t tell parents the truth when they are in trouble.  The million dollar question is why is it difficult for parents to respond to their children with compassion when the teen lies.

I believe parents yell and scream because of shock, and disappointment in their child’s behavior. Many parents are very surprised and never believed their adolescent would have purposefully chosen to get in trouble.  Sometimes parents purposely ignore the signs that their teen is doing something wrong as if it will go away but it won’t. The issue must be address right away. There are some parents who just don’t care but I believe most parents care how they respond to their teenagers’ negative behavior.

Teens, I encourage you to get more engaged with your parents and always tell them the truth. Please consider applying the seventeen (17) steps below to telling the truth when you are in trouble:

  1. Tell your parents the truth regardless of the consequences or punishments
  2. Don’t’ be afraid of your parents or being grounded
  3. Don’t try to handle the problem by yourself
  4. Place faith in your parents
  5. Never believe the problem will blow over
  6. Approach your parents with a humbled heart to tell them the truth
  7. Tell your parents you are in trouble before they hear the bad news from someone else
  8. Communicate your feelings with respect to your parents
  9. Avoid telling half trues to your mother or father because it won’t make life easier
  10. Don’t’ fear that your parents will be upset about you being in trouble ( A concerned parent will be upset)
  11. Be prepared to know your parents might respond by yelling and screaming
  12. Don’t shut down while communicating with your parents when they overreact to the situation
  13. Admit that your behavior was wrong
  14. Don’t blame your peers or others for your poor decision
  15. Apologize to your parents for making the wrong choices
  16. Love your parents unconditionally
  17. Ask for forgiveness and immediately start making better choices

Teens, it is wise to invest these seventeen (17) steps in your life. Why, you will be more enthusiastic about speaking the truth to your parents when you are in trouble.  Your parents love you very much. If your parents can help, please contact a relative, or school counselor or youth organization that willing to help. You should always communicate the truth to your parents when you are in trouble.

Written By:  Billy J. Strawter, Sr

© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.                               All Rights Reserved

Strategies Parents Can Use to Control Attitude and Temper

Listed below are simple strategies parents can use to control their feelings and emotions when faced with major obstacles.  If you are facing problems in a relationship; such as the workplace or with your children, these simple strategies will work.  Parents, you face many challenges every day whether you are a working mom or a stay at home mom or dad.

Parents, it is very important to understand the magnitude of the daily challenges you face. If you deal with them improperly, you can damage your relationship with your teenager and younger children as well as with your spouse if married. When you are out of control, undesirable negative consequences may occur.  Life is never simple but the more resources you have in your arsenal to combat difficult issues during conflicts, you will become more successful.

Listed below are potential negative consequences due to uncontrolled attitude and temper.

Negative Consequences of Uncontrolled Attitude and Temper

  • Closed mindedness
  • Create insecurity Reduced creativity, innovation & productivity
  • Fosters Broken relationships
  • Lead to physical sickness
  • Creates uncontrolled depression and stress
  • Use of drugs, tobacco and alcohol
  • Isolate self from peers
  • Perform just enough to complete the task
  • Abandon responsibility
  • Poor eating habits
  • Foster Low self-esteem
  • Lead to potential divorce
  • Negative impact on family and others
  • Lead to potential incarceration
  • loss of credibility
  • Leads to negative impact on character
  • Causes an individual to potential run away from responsibilities

Strategies to Control Attitude and Temper

  • Motivate self and others to move in the same direction
  • Accept changes
  • Accept constructive criticism
  • Avoid being jealous of peers
  • Avoid overreacting to a negative situation
  • Take time out before you react to a negative situation
  • Apologize when you are wrong or hurt a person’s feelings and or emotions
  • Avoid over use of your power
  • Believe in self and others
  • Communicate precisely and consistently with each other
  • Communicate your feelings with respect
  • Take time to relax and exercise
  • Eat a balanced and nutrient meal
  • Encourage each other to be innovative and creative
  • Perform regardless of the obstacles you face
  • Forgive those who disappoint or hurt you, it limits the pain
  • Take time to relax and exercise
  • Network when necessary to accomplish success
  • Resolve conflict quickly without submitting to Mr. and Mrs. Attitude and Temper

I am convinced that the greatest challenge we face as parents and individuals is the task of controlling our attitude and temper.  I hope with a sincere heart that those of you struggling with controlling your attitude and temper that you seek the help you need. This is necessary to avoid destroying relationships you have with your family and others.  You must believe that you can control Mr. and Mrs. Attitude and Temper which is you.  I pray you will have the commitment and strength to apply the above simple strategies to control attitude and temper.

Written: Mr. Wisdom

(c) 2011 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.                              All Rights Reserved Worldwide

Challenges Teenagers Are Facing With Their Parents

Challenges Teenagers Are Facing With Their Parents

I had an excellent opportunity to ask a group of teenagers about challenges they are personally facing with their parents. The teenagers were very opened to responding to the question. I do believe they were honest about their feelings. I hope the information contained within this article will assist everyone in understanding the challenges teenagers are facing with their parents. We need to understand the struggles  teenagers are experiencing in life in order to assist the teenagers in their development. Listed below are their responses:

What challenges are you facing with your parents?

Mercy: The challenges I am facing with my parents are they don’t trust me anymore because of the wrong choices I have made and because of the friends I make. They don’t help me when I need help.

Tom: Some of the challenges I am facing with my parents are poor communication and they are not listening to what I have to say. They do not give me a chance to make a decision on what I want to do. Most of the time, I do what they want or tell me to do but I never really get a say.

Jacob: The challenges I’m facing is with my mom. She is always thinking that I am lying.  Most of the times I take her things without permission but I can’t help myself. I try to ask but when I do she says no. I get mad and angry when she says no. When I ask my mother for something, she normally says no.  I end up taking whatever she said no to.  Then I say I asked and try to be nice.

Nathan: Some challenges I face with my parents is actual getting alone with one of them. We sometimes don’t see eye to eye. It gets hard when you are in the same household. That’s why I live with the parent I live with because I feel more comfortable and relaxed with. Another challenge that I face with my parents is being in self-control. We get out of control when a situation comes up.  Instead of solving the problem calmly and respectable, we react with yelling and disrespect.

Phillip:  The challenges I face with my parent are:

  1. They use up all the gas.
  2. They are gone all the time.
  3.  I am not allowed to hang out with certain friends.
  4. We have issues about my messy room and asking for money.
  5. We are arguing about grades.
  6. I am always being locked in my room.
  7. Yelling!

Faye: The challenges I am facing with my parents is that they don’t trust me. They never trust me know matter what it is. Another thing is they have trouble understanding me. They think they do and they do try. But they still fail to trust and understand me.

 Mark: The challenges I am facing with my parents are:

  1. They don’t trust me
  2. Problems with my dad
  3. Issues over homework
  4. My parents over complaining
  5. Issues with my siblings

Cam: I have a close relationship with my parents. But if we ever have any problems, it is about going out with friends and that I am hanging around. Some of my friends my parents don’t particular like.

Emmanuel:  I am at a very rebellious stage in my life. I want to be able to do what I won’t to do. I want them to stop trying to make my decision for me. This is a big challenge, but I am winning. As long as what I am doing does not affect how well I do in school nor put my life in danger, they should have no say in what I do.

Dexter: The challenges I am facing with my parents is them not believing in me when I get in trouble or tell the truth. Another issue is when we both disagree on something. Sometimes I can hear like a crying sound in her force but no tears.

Debbie:  The challenges I am facing with my parents is that I am never really able to get along with my mom for longer than three hours. Because when I am talking to her she will say that she does not want to hear it even if it’s something that I am worried about. It’s not like I have a dad I can communicate with because he passed away in a car accident before I was one year old. When I and my mom actually do get along its fun but I know it won’t last for long.

Ray: Some challenges I am facing is communication at this time. They don’t always listen to what I have to say or give me a chance to make a decision on what I want to do. Most of the time, I just do what they want to do or tell me to do so I never really get a say.

Parents, I hope you have had an opportunity to reflect on the issues teenagers or facing with their parents.   Maybe you are facing similar issues with your teenager and you are struggling how to deal with your situation. All of the issues they wrote about can be easily dealt with. As a parent and grandparent who have worked with teenagers for many years, the common mistakes parents make are listed below:

  1. Don’t have dinner frequently as a family. Eating dinner as a family helps with communication, listening and understanding what the teenager is facing.
  2. Don’t allow there teenager to rebuild trust as a result of the bad choices the teenager made in the past.
  3. Lack of awareness of their teenager need to make their own decision sometimes. They need to make decision even though sometimes they might fail.  You must guide your teenager through this stage of development because eventually they might become parents. It’s okay to monitor their thinking’s process, and give them some guidance with a loving, caring and compassionate heart.
  4. Unaware of the issues the teenager is facing in school.  Set aside time to get involved in the school and get to know your teenager’s teachers as well as the teenager’s friend.
  5. Didn’t take an opportunity to adequately explain to the teenager the reasons they can’t hang out with certain friends. It’s very important that the decision to limit who the teenager hangs out with is based on health and safety of the teenager. For example, a teenager was told that he couldn’t hang out with a friend because he was goofy. I asked him “What did your mother mean? He explained that his mother said “He was too messy.”  This is not a realistic reason to request that the teenager don’t hang out with his friend.
  6. Didn’t communicate their feelings to the teenager with respect without yelling
  7. Over reacting when the teenager make wrong choices

Parents, please take the time to understand, listen, trust, avoid yelling, and become the greatest role model for your teenager. There are other role models in your teenager’s life but you must be the greatest. A strong relationship with your teenager will maximize your ability to influence the teenager in an awesome way. You will always experience some challenges with your teenager. However, when the teenager becomes an adult the life skills you taught the teenager will be absolutely valuable and beneficial.

Written by: Billy J. Strawter, Sr.

© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.                                       All Rights Reserved