Changes Mothers Need to Make to Improve Relationship with Teenagers
Recently, I wrote an article regarding changes teenagers needed of their father to improve relationship. I thought it would also be interesting to evaluate how teenagers felt about their relationship with their mothers. Mothers are the greatest asset to the family. I appreciate them greatly because moms bring a wealth of commitment, care and love to the family. Their energy fosters the right kind of family foundation. Every family needs emotional stability in the home. It’s amazing how many mothers multitask for the survival of the family. Listed below are teenagers’ responses to the following questions:
What changes your mother needs to make to improve her relationship with you?
“She needs to get better control of her emotions; I don’t think she realizes how her words affect me emotionally. I also think she needs to understand that we are two different people, which means we won’t always see eye to eye. Even though I am her child, she still has to respect my beliefs and opinions as she expects me to respect her.”
“Mom needs to trust me more and try not to bring up the past all the time”
“Talk to me instead of yelling”
“Mom needs to get a job, car and house so that I can live with her part time without going to grandmother. She needs to go tell the court she needs visitation.”
“I wish mom won’t be so pushy on me. I want mom to be understanding about what I want to do.”
“I wish mother would talk stuff out instead of yelling. Don’t always put her husband over her kids, and I need mom to be there when I need her.
“Mom needs to stop yelling so much and believe that sometimes I could be telling the truth. I want mom to stop assuming I am not telling the truth.”
“I wish mom would let me enjoy my teen years instead of trying to have me to do and be what she wants me to be. Let me learn from my own mistakes. Mom needs to listen and believe me.”
My mother needs to change a lot. She needs to leave her boyfriend, get clean, and stay clean. Stop lying, stop stealing, take care of self and learn to take constructive criticism. I wish mom would go to rehab and just get better.
“I want my mother to trust me more and I want to share anything with my mom. Sometimes, I feel like I can talk to my grandmother about anything before I can talk to my mother. Sometimes I am scared to talk to her so I just leave it to myself. I want to be able to go to places without her thinking I am doing something wrong. All I want is that my mother’s trust me.
“My mom needs to work on her temper that she has with me. She needs to stop putting herself first.
“My mother needs to start a trustworthy relationship with me. Mom needs to change her attitude with me. Mom needs to understand I am me and no one else; she needs to improve her attitude and confidence in me and my brother. I never understood why she gets angry towards me after dad left. A lot of things start happening.”
“To improve our relationship my mom needs to communicate with me more and try to show me she cares about our relationship. It would also help if she won’t yell as much. If she showed me she could stop yelling, it would help our relationship get better.”
“My mom can’t really do anything to improve our relationship. The only thing we need is trust. It’s my fault we don’t have a trusting relationship but only time will improve our relationship.”
“I wish my mom would stop going alone with what her boyfriend tells her and stop yelling at me without reason. I need her help once and a while and to have a day where only I and mom can have time together.”
“I wish my mother would stop drinking and stop calling me names. I want mom to be nicer to my little sister and brother, stop sleeping with other guys, stop buying and giving to minors and be a good mom that will listen to me.
Other Teenagers Responses
- I wish my mom wouldn’t pick an argument with me
- Let me do more, trust me and don’t always argue
- Nothing because we already have a really good relationship
- My mother needs to be happier. It seems like she’s always mad with me
- Mom needs to learn to control her anger even if I am the only target in the house
- Mom needs to stop yelling at me when I’m not doing anything to get yelled at
- My mother needs to listen to my side of the story instead of jumping to conclusion
- I wish my mom would ask me nicely to do things instead of automatically get an attitude
- My mother needs to think things through before she reacts and she needs to stop overreacting to the little things
- My mom and I have a good relationship and no changes are needed
- Mother needs to listen more and stop thinking she knows everything all the time
- I wish mom would get me help when I need it
Advice for Parents
There are so many factors that contribute to a great or poor relationship with teenagers. The information contained in this article is designed to give parents insight on how some teens feel about their mother. Mothers throughout the world are faced with many challenges raising children and especially when they become adolescents. Every parent should put their children first but don’t forget to stay healthy by exercising, eating healthy foods and spending time to yourself for relaxation. Please utilize trusted family members or friends to help you through the challenges you are facing with your youngsters. Listed below are simple recommendations on building a better relationship with your teenagers:
- Spend personal time with your teens
- Stop yelling at your children
- Listen with your heart
- Stop overreacting to teens negative behavior
- Think before you overreact
- Don’t believe you are always right
- Avoid valuing your boyfriend over your children
- Stop substance abuse
- Minimize getting an attitude and being angry
- Let the adolescents know you love them unconditionally
- Allow your youngsters to build trust
- Allow them to make some mistakes and help the teenagers work through the mistakes
- Show confidence in your children
- Don’t be angry with your children if you are going through a divorce or if your husband left you
- Don’t expect teenagers to be like someone else. Let your teens be themselves
- Accept constructive criticism from your children
- Avoid using of cruse words
- Do not emotionally scare your children
- Build a great relationship with your teenagers
- Encourage them often instead of calling them bad names
- Communicate with respect to your teens
- Eat dinner together and attend religious service with your children
- Give your teenagers help when needed
- Don’t’ always think your teenagers are doing something wrong
- Know where your teens are on the weekend and who they hangout with
Mothers, you have tremendous influential power over your children. I encourage all moms to build a dynamic and un-destructible relationship with their teenagers. Children are an extension of you and sometimes you can see you in them. It’s fantastic to understand that regardless of the negative circumstances you face in life, you have a big heart to deal with it. Time will always heal a broken relationship but it takes a lot of forgiveness. Please listen and understand your teenagers. I hope God will give you the strength and the desire to maintain, improve and endure your relationship with your teenager, persevere.
Written by: Billy J. Strawter, Sr.
© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc. All Rights Reserved
Parenting is very challenging because each child has their own unique needs. The best approach to meeting the needs of each child is to build a relationship with them from the time they are born until they leave this world. You should always consider how your actions will negatively or positively impact the development of the relationship. Here are 12 steps every parent should consider in building a relationship with their child.
Step 1 Respect: Every parent should Respect their children in front of others regardless of their behavior. This will teach them how to respect you and others. Avoid trying to embarrass them in front of others in an attempt to change the negative behavior. It might work for the short term but long term it will backfire.
Step 2 Effort: It will take great Effort to understand your child especially when they are making wrong choices. When a child makes a wrong choice, take the time to talk with the child to verify why the choice was made. Don’t accept “I don’t know” but avoid getting angry because the door of communication must remain open. They will tell you the reasons for their decision,when they are ready, if the relationship is healthy.
Step 3 Love: When you child goes to bed or wakes up or comes home or telephone or e-mail you, tell them you Love them. Always give them a hug which will help them to relate to you and others. Avoid the trap of giving things to them to show your love. When you say the word, “I love you”, it’s more powerful. It’s sad to hear a child say my parents never tell me they love me. If you grow up in a home where your parents didn’t show love, you must not pass it on to your offspring. You have the power to change it.
Step 4 Affirmation: Every child has the desire to receive Affirmation from their parents about the wonderful things they are doing. Praise your child for the small things as well as the large things they do well. When they make a wrong choice, parents make a big deal of it. Yet parents don’t do the same for the right choices a child make. It’s not always about the great things a child does but it’s about the small things that will lead to great things.
Step 5 Trust: This one is very challenging for most parents. Most parents believe their child will make the right choice when they are around others. The big problem comes when the child violates the Trust. When your child has violated your trust, never attack their character but let them know you are disappointed in their actions. When you are angry with your child’s behavior, communicate your feelings with respect .Let the child know what is required to regain the trust. Make sure you discipline them for violating the trust out of love and don’t go overboard. The discipline should be based on current actions and should not be used as a dumping ground for previous behaviors.
Step 6 Inside: To build a strong relationship with your child, you need to know what is going on Inside of the child’s heart. In order to know your children, you need to spend time with each child collectively and individually. Breakfast, family dinner and church are great avenues to develop relationships. However, individual time spent with each child will give you an opportunity to build a deeper relationship. Every child’s heart is important. A healthy inside is developed by investing valuable time with your child.
Step 7 Opportunity: Avoid missing an Opportunity to support your child’s activities such as drama, field trips and sports. Do everything within your power to support your child. You also want to avoid getting too busy with activities which will drain you and the child. When you become too busy, your attitude might become unpleasant which could lead to damaging the relationship with your child. You must understand your limitation as well as your child’s.
Step 8 Nice: You must show you child the importance of being Nice by modeling the behavior. When your child is around you, they are observing every things you do. For example, have you ever looked at your child gestures or manners and they reminded you of you. Your child is observing how you treat others. You will never be a perfect parent, but should desire to instill great moral values in your child’s life. If you feel you have failed your child, let go of those feelings, start over again by investing wisely in your child’s life.
Step 9 Survive: With all the power you have within your being, never give up loving your child regardless of the wrong choices made. You want your relationship with your child to Survive. As a parent, you are training your child to be great citizens in this world. There are times when life is a struggle, and hopelessness as well as despair will overwhelm you. Don’t give up but teach your child how to survive with a caring heart and compassionate heart.
Step 10: Honesty: Model to your child how important Honesty is in a relationship. This will grant them greater success in life. You will have great reasons to rejoice in their success. When you see your child being dishonest, confront them right away with love. Make sure you have all your facts prior to discussing the issue. Ask the child about a different choice that could have been made?
Step 11 Intelligence: Use your Intelligence to deal with your child’s negative and positive behavior. Utilize various strategies to listen, understand and communicate to your child with wisdom. If you are experiencing problems with relationships within your family, don’t hesitate to get involved in a life skills workshop and/or parents support group. You are not alone; there are many parents who are in the same position. You have the power to make a difference.
Step 12 Prayer/Personal/Persevere: If you believe in Prayer, you should pray often for your child and family. God wants you to take Personal responsibility to train your child because the family is the heart of society. When the family foundation crumbles so will society. Your must Persevere when you are down and up. Don’t allow life’s problems hinder you from maintaining a fantastic relationship with your child or family. Be encouraged as you apply these twelve steps in developing a greater relationship with your child.
(c) 2009 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.