Tag Archives: Teens

Mistakes Parents Made with Their Children through Their Adolescence Years

Mistakes Parents Made with Their Children through Their Adolescence Years

Parents, have you ever made mistakes with your children and wished you had handled the situations differently? I personally don’t know of a single parent that hasn’t made mistakes with their children.  I have counseled parents that deliberately hurt their children because of their own negative experiences during childhood. One thing I do know is that you can’t take back the mistakes but you can learn from them and make better choices in the future.  I encourage mothers and fathers to avoid making mistakes that will damage your children emotionally for the rest of their lives. The core foundations of families in society are broken such as in the development of the emotional, educational, physical and spiritual needs of the children.

During a life skills workshop, I had a fantastic dialog with mothers and fathers relative the mistakes they made with their children. I ask the parents what mistakes you made raising your children. I hope you enjoy reading their responses listed below.

What mistakes have you made raising your children?

Mary’s Mistakes

“I did not listen enough when they were trying to tell me something and there was not sufficient communication with my children. I yelled back at them when they were yelling at me and I did not follow through with discipline. I said many negative things in arguments we had. I did not give my youngsters enough attention when they needed it most. I did not praise them enough on their accomplishments. I put some of my own needs before theirs. I said negative things about their father a few times to the children, and I did n0t set boundaries. I did not build a great family relationship. I did not keep them in sports so they were not out in the streets which would have stopped them from getting into trouble. There was not enough trust and love toward my children.”

Val’s Mistakes

“I let my teenage son always get what he wants. I would bribe him with money. I let him miss school when he wanted to. I never really sat down and talked to my son. I never gave him a chance to let me know how he felt. I used to choose my friends and partying over my son. I would put my girlfriend before him”

Sally’s Mistakes

“I did not give my youngsters rules as they got older. I yelled first and had guilt afterward. I tried to be their friend instead of their parent. I gave in often after I punished in quilt. I yelled a lot to get my point across then I just forgot about the situation.”

Susana’s Mistakes

“As a single parent, I gave and gave instead of them earning or working for things. I feel things would have been better if I had set more boundaries. As a single parent, I had so many grounds to cover as a mom and dad. I was their mother and father. They are older now and not really respecting my struggles and responsibility as a concerned mother. I can’t hold their hands and walk them through life, and they have to do their part; such as school, getting a job, and move out on their own, and live a life of love.”

Rosesetta’s Mistakes

“I was not there all the time for my children. I did not listen to them more about their feelings. I didn’t show them the right and the wrong way. I should have been more responsible. I said the wrong thing too much and I did not do enough discipline with my children.”

Angelica’s Mistakes

“Some mistakes I made were not listening and I sometimes say things off the handle instead of listening. I sometimes say things out of anger which sometimes hurt as bad as being shot. I spoiled my kids to the point that my daughter thinks every pair of Jordan’s shoes that come out she should get them. I think I let my son get away with too much which makes my daughter think it is okay to do. When I put my kids on punishment they should stick to it. But I let them off punishment early which made the youngsters think mom is mad today but I can leave tomorrow. I talked bad things about the kids’ father when frustrated and the kids heard it. Sometimes, I lose my temper and just acted in a way my kids should not see. So what I am saying is that what I do is a prime example of what my kids do. But I will never give up and will change with the help of God.”

Brandon’s Mistakes

“I have been distance, selfish and wrapped up in my own personal problems”

“I have not paid sufficient attention to them and taken their concerns seriously. I have been distance, selfish and wrapped up in my own personal problems. I have not shown enough love to my children nor told them enough. I forgot promises made and did not follow through with the obligations. I have not spent enough time with them nor been involved with their lives. I fought with their mother over unimportant things. I have not financially supportive my children enough. I have pushed them for the bad things but I have not’ praised them enough for the good things my children do.”

Mark’s Mistakes

“I gave my children too much and I let them do things after we said no. I spoiled my children and yelled at them too much. I got angry at some of the silly things. Not talking to grandparents about what we do and do not want our children to have. Not listening to spouse when making decisions because of different points of view. Not being aware of who my children are socializing with. Not discussing situation with my spouse before either one sets punishment and spouse not being on the same page.”

You have read about the mistakes parents made with their children. I am hopeful you will seriously look at the dynamics of your family. Perhaps there are some changes you need to make in your household with your children. Here are 20 steps parents can use to avoid making damaging mistakes with your youngsters.

  1. Spend time with your children
  2. Stop what you are doing and listen to your children when they are trying to tell you something
  3. Follow through when disciplining your youngsters
  4. Praise your children sufficiently on their accomplishments
  5. Avoid saying negative things to your children during conflict
  6. Don’t’ talk negatively to your children about mother or father
  7. Model the right way you want your children to live
  8. Give your children rules and boundaries
  9. Know who your children spent time with
  10. Avoid losing your temper in front of your children
  11. Don’t forget the promises you made to your youngsters
  12. Take your children concerns seriously
  13. Get your children counseling if needed
  14. Follow through on your obligation for your adolescences
  15. Work together with spouse when disciplining your children
  16. Avoid saying the wrong things too much
  17. Support the family financially
  18. Inform grandparents the thing you prefer them not to give to your children
  19. Avoid spoiling your children too much
  20. Do not be your children friend but instead be the parent

Finally, you can not control your children but you must give them the skills needed to make the right choices when they are not around you. When you make a mistake with your children, please apologize and ask them to forgive you.  You have the power and the ability to invest wisely in your children’ lives.

Written by:  Billy J. Strawter, Sr

© EnviCare Consulting Inc.                          All Rights Reserved

Teenagers’ Reflections on What They Like About Their Teachers

Teenagers’ Reflections on What They Like About Their Teachers

Adolescences seem to have a variety of opinions relative to their experiences with teachers. This article focuses on the positive experiences teens’ encountered with their teachers.  Teachers play an important part of teens’ lives and teachers have a great influence on teens’ lives in positive and negative manners. It’s critical for teachers to invest words of encouragement instead of discouragement in teens’ lives. Teachers are great assets to teens, society, and should never neglect to build a strong professional relationship with their teens. We must help youngsters through their adolescents’ years.

Listed below are teens’ reflections relative to the following questions.

What do you like about teachers?

John’s Reflections:

  1. I like when they help you
  2. I like when they are cool
  3. I like funny teachers
  4. I like when a teacher let you use her phone in the class room
  5. When they let you play games
  6. When we watch movies
  7. When they tell you jokes
  8. When they are serious-minded

Davison’s Reflection:

  1. When teachers  are willing to help you
  2. When teachers  want you to learn
  3. You can turn to teachers for advice
  4. When they are role model’s

Christin’s Reflections:

  1. I like teachers who sit down with you when you need help
  2. When they like to make their classes fun and enjoyable
  3.  I like when they have a special relationship with students

Courtney’s Reflections:

  1. That some teachers take late work and you points
  2. They’re someone you can turn to if you need too
  3. Teachers are honest, and you can trust most of them
  4. They give good advice
  5. Teachers want to help teenagers
  6. When they don’t yell at me

LaToya’s Reflections:

  1. When they control their attitude
  2. Help keep me out of trouble
  3. When they are cool
  4. When they have a good relationship with teenagers
  5. Whey they help students

Haley’s Reflections:

  1. I like teachers that are there to help teens
  2. I like when they make sure you understand your work
  3. I like when teachers communicate with you
  4. I like when they are there to help you
  5. I like when teachers are lenient about work because it’s easier to get it done if you have plenty of time

Ashley’s Reflections:

  1. I like most of the teachers because they will understand and read their students
  2. I love that some will help you and give you advise on certain things
  3. Especially when they make a real relationship with their students having them to feel safe

 Comments:

It was very interesting to listen to the teenagers’ reflections on what they liked about teachers. It was a pleasure and honor to have a fantastic dialog with young people.  The most reoccurring statements teens liked about their teachers were when teachers took the time to help, give advice, and built a relationship with the students.

Listed below are recommendations for anyone involved in the lives of teenagers, especially teachers, social workers and youth workers.

  1. Take time to help teenagers with their needs
  2. Build a strong professional relationship with the teens
  3. Be aware of the teens’ behavior because they could be experiencing problems at home or with peers
  4. Give the teens good advice that will help them for a life time
  5. Understand what youngsters are facing on their life’s journey
  6. Make the classroom fun, enjoyable and a very serious environment for the teens to learn.
  7. Find someone else to help the teens if you lack the time
  8. Never yell at your students but speak with a firm and caring heart
  9. Communicate to the teenagers your classroom rules and preserve them throughout the year
  10. Speak words of affirmation to the teenagers

Life is never simple for adolescences and the challenges teenagers face are opportunities for everyone to make a difference in their lives. Youngsters should never feel emptiness because no one cares about them. Let’s shower teenagers with unconditional love to foster success as they face life’s challenges.

Written by: Billy J. Strawter, Sr.

© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.               All Rights Reserved

Changes Mothers Need to Make to Improve Relationship with Teenagers

Changes Mothers Need to Make to Improve Relationship with Teenagers

Recently, I wrote an article regarding changes teenagers needed of their father to improve relationship. I thought it would also be interesting to evaluate how teenagers felt about their relationship with their mothers. Mothers are the greatest asset to the family.  I appreciate them greatly because moms bring a wealth of commitment, care and love to the family. Their energy fosters the right kind of family foundation. Every family needs emotional stability in the home. It’s amazing how many mothers multitask for the survival of the family.  Listed below are teenagers’ responses to the following questions:

What changes your mother needs to make to improve her relationship with you?

Sarah’s Responses:

“She needs to get better control of her emotions; I don’t think she realizes how her words affect me emotionally. I also think she needs to understand that we are two different people, which means we won’t always see eye to eye. Even though I am her child, she still has to respect my beliefs and opinions as she expects me to respect her.”

Frank’s Response:

“Mom needs to trust me more and try not to bring up the past all the time”

 Vivian’s Response

“Talk to me instead of yelling

 Doug’s Responses:

“Mom needs to get a job, car and house so that I can live with her part time without going to grandmother. She needs to go tell the court she needs visitation.”

 Tara’s Response:

“I wish mom won’t be so pushy on me. I want mom to be understanding about what I want to do.”

 Quanta’s Responses:

“I wish mother would talk stuff out instead of yelling. Don’t always put her husband over her kids, and I need mom to be there when I need her.

 Raven’s Responses:

“Mom needs to stop yelling so much and believe that sometimes I could be telling the truth. I want mom to stop assuming I am not telling the truth.”

 Cass’s Responses:

“I wish mom would let me enjoy my teen years instead of trying to have me to do and be what she wants me to be. Let me learn from my own mistakes. Mom needs to listen and believe me.”

 Kaila’s Responses:

My mother needs to change a lot. She needs to leave her boyfriend, get clean, and stay clean. Stop lying, stop stealing, take care of self and learn to take constructive criticism. I wish mom would go to rehab and just get better.

 Linda’s Responses:

“I want my mother to trust me more and I want to share anything with my mom. Sometimes, I feel like I can talk to my grandmother about anything before I can talk to my mother. Sometimes I am scared to talk to her so I just leave it to myself. I want to be able to go to places without her thinking I am doing something wrong. All I want is that my mother’s trust me.

 Peter’s Responses:

“My mom needs to work on her temper that she has with me. She needs to stop putting herself first.

 Ashley’s Responses:

“My mother needs to start a trustworthy relationship with me. Mom needs to change her attitude with me. Mom needs to understand I am me and no one else; she needs to improve her attitude and confidence in me and my brother. I never understood why she gets angry towards me after dad left. A lot of things start happening.”

 Haley’s Responses:

“To improve our relationship my mom needs to communicate with me more and try to show me she cares about our relationship. It would also help if she won’t yell as much. If she showed me she could stop yelling, it would help our relationship get better.”

 Sally’s Responses:

“My mom can’t really do anything to improve our relationship. The only thing we need is trust. It’s my fault we don’t have a trusting relationship but only time will improve our relationship.”

 Gray’s Responses:

“I wish my mom would stop going alone with what her boyfriend tells her and stop yelling at me without reason. I need her help once and a while and to have a day where only I and mom can have time together.”

 Tricia’s Responses:

“I wish my mother would stop drinking and stop calling me names. I want mom to be nicer to my little sister and brother, stop sleeping with other guys, stop buying and giving to minors and be a good mom that will listen to me.

 Other Teenagers Responses

  • I wish my mom wouldn’t pick an argument with me
  • Let me do more, trust me and don’t always argue
  • Nothing because we already have a really good relationship
  • My mother needs to be happier. It seems like she’s always mad with me
  • Mom needs to learn to control her anger even if I am the only target in the house
  • Mom needs to stop yelling at me when I’m not doing anything to get yelled at
  • My mother needs to listen to my side of the story instead of jumping to conclusion
  • I wish my mom would ask me nicely to do things instead of automatically get an attitude
  • My mother needs to think things through before she reacts and she needs to stop overreacting to the little things
  • My mom and I have a good relationship and no changes are needed
  • Mother needs to listen more and stop thinking she knows everything all the time
  • I wish mom would get me help when I need it

 Advice for Parents

There are so many factors that contribute to a great or poor relationship with teenagers. The information contained in this article is designed to give parents insight on how some teens feel about their mother. Mothers throughout the world are faced with many challenges raising children and especially when they become adolescents. Every parent should put their children first but don’t forget to stay healthy by exercising, eating healthy foods and spending time to yourself for relaxation. Please utilize trusted family members or friends to help you through the challenges you are facing with your youngsters. Listed below are simple recommendations on building a better relationship with your teenagers:

  1. Spend personal time with your teens
  2. Stop yelling at your children
  3. Listen with your heart
  4. Stop overreacting to teens negative behavior
  5. Think before you overreact
  6. Don’t believe you are always right
  7. Avoid valuing your boyfriend over your children
  8. Stop substance abuse
  9. Minimize getting an attitude and being angry
  10. Let the adolescents know you love them unconditionally
  11. Allow your youngsters to build trust
  12. Allow them to make some mistakes and help the teenagers work through the mistakes
  13. Show confidence in your children
  14. Don’t be angry with your children if you are going through a divorce or if your husband left you
  15. Don’t expect teenagers to be like someone else. Let your teens be themselves
  16. Accept constructive criticism from your children
  17. Avoid using of cruse words
  18. Do not emotionally scare your children
  19. Build a great relationship with your teenagers
  20. Encourage them often instead of calling them bad names
  21. Communicate with respect to your teens
  22. Eat dinner together and attend religious service with your children
  23. Give your teenagers help when needed
  24. Don’t’ always think your teenagers are doing something wrong
  25. Know where your teens  are on the weekend and who they hangout with

Mothers, you have tremendous influential power over your children. I encourage all moms to build a dynamic and un-destructible relationship with their teenagers. Children are an extension of you and sometimes you can see you in them. It’s fantastic to understand that regardless of the negative circumstances you face in life, you have a big heart to deal with it. Time will always heal a broken relationship but it takes a lot of forgiveness. Please listen and understand your teenagers. I hope God will give you the strength and the desire to maintain, improve and endure your relationship with your teenager, persevere.

Written by: Billy J. Strawter, Sr.

 © 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.         All Rights Reserved

Teenagers Journey in Anger Management and Critical Thinking Classes

Teenagers Journey in Anger Management and Critical Thinking Classes

As parents, we sometimes fail to recognize the complexity of adolescences lives. Every day many of our youngsters deal with issues we didn’t face as teenagers.  For example, we weren’t apprehensive about our friends posting private information on social media, bullying and epidemic of divorce in society, and traveling to different parents’ homes as result of the divorce. They are subject to different rules which cause conflict within their hearts. The lack of stability in the family is destroying many teens and they are becoming very angry. Some are becoming more disrespectful to adults and their parents. All these things impact the quality of parents, mothers, and leaders that will guide us in the future.

Parents can’t protect their children always so it our parental responsibility to teach the adolescences the skills needed to survive the confusion of life. We can guide teens by preparing  them to control their feelings and emotions when faced with conflicts. Listed below are teen’s comments regarding two classes they attended called Anger Management and Critical Thinking. The teens learned first how to control their anger and then how to apply critical thinking from stories written by teenagers and adults.

Roseland’s Comments:

“Throughout my journey in the anger management and critical thinking class it helped me to realize that there is more to life. It helped me to realize that I’m very close-minded. If I had these skills before I got in a bad situation, the outcome would have been completely different because it wouldn’t have happen.  As much as I hated I got caught, I recognized God had a better plan. He gave me an opportunity meet an amazing teacher. These classes were very beneficial for me. I am sad that my journey in these classes has come to an in. I am sad but hopeful because I know I got something out of the classes that can never be taken away from me. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and my reason was to be planted in the anger management and critical thinking classes.”

Vera’s Comments

“The anger management and critical thinking classes impacted my life so much. I learned how to control my attitude (feelings and emotions) and temper (revenge and anger).  I would fight, yell, scream, and do things that were very disrespectful. Now I know to communicate my feeling with respect and not get out of hand by yelling and fighting.  Being in the classes for eight weeks, it taught me to do the right thing.  In the future, I know when I am in a situation I can resolve the conflict without fighting or yelling. I have benefited so much from being in the classes and I am glad I took them.”

Dale’s Comments:

“Over the past eight week, I have learned a lot of good things that I can use later in life or when I get into a tough situation or when I need to control my attitude and temper. I learned that when I am mad, it’s best to think about what I’m going to do before I do it. If I don’t, it will have a hug negative impact on my present and future. Therefore, when control my attitude and temper it will have a positive impact on my life. I will be able to talk through a situation without arguing and adding fuel to the situation.  I learned that what you put in your piggy bank that’s what you will get out.  The piggy bank represents my brain. This means if you like arguing or fighting that is what you will do every most times. If you resolve conflict respectfully, it well becomes a habit. Therefore, I learned to be respectful and now I am being more responsible which leads to positive outcomes.”

 

 

 

 

Lovelene’s comments:

“Anger management and critical thinking classes taught me how to stay in control of my temper, and attitude. I get mad quickly but I don’t talk it out with anyone then it lowers my self-esteem. I learned not to let my temper control me. For example, I take time out before I react to a negative situation. I am working harder on getting my education. I like critical thinking better because it had examples of problems teenagers go through. It makes you think if I was in that person place what would I do to be honest and make right choices. I learned about the importance of a relationship relating to love, honesty, and trust as it relates to my parents. I am grateful that I had an opportunity to be involved with the anger management and critical thinking classes. It makes teens realize that their mistakes can lead to bad situation and without making teenagers feel bad.”

Kaleen’s Comments:

“The anger management and critical thinking classes changed my life in many ways. I appreciated the help to keep from having sticky fingers. I am thankful to receive another chance in life because I probably would have gone to a juvenile detention facility or someplace bad.  It was nice being in the classes because I learned how to better control my attitude and temper. I am talking more nicely and now walk away from others whose doing wrong. I am so thankful for a second chance and I will do better with my life.”

Comments

The common things that benefited the teenagers as result of attending an anger management and critical thinking classes are listed below:

  1. Improved their self-esteem
  2. Started  to think  more positive of themselves and others
  3. Became more responsible which lead to positive outcomes
  4. Started to speak kindhearted to people
  5. Appreciated being given a second chance
  6. Learned to control their attitude and temper
  7. Valued being taught how to control their anger
  8. Built better relationship with family and peers
  9. Communicated better with their parents and others
  10. Learned it was okay to attend anger management and critical thinking classes
  11. Decided education was very important for their future.
  12. Applied more positive thinking

The teenagers that attended the anger management and critical thinking classes had no idea how their lives would be influenced. The teenagers weren’t interested and the teens were afraid of attending the classes. They didn’t want to be ridiculed doing the classes nor disrespected. However, many of the youngsters found comfort because they knew the classes were for their best interest. They felt the teach had a caring and compassionate heart for them.

Advice for Youngsters

Teens, if you are experiencing anger problems, don’t hesitate to attend classes that will empower you to control your attitude and temper. Persevere to avoid investing in your heart things that will negatively affect your character and relationship with others. Please improve your life skills which will aid you when conflicts occur. It’s healthier to be prepared before you are confronted with difficult situations. You are absolutely important to the success of society, and there is high expectation of  teens to mature and to be successful responsible adults.  In the future, you possibly will become  fathers or mothers or leaders and your life skills will be very critically important.

We need you to lead our country with a caring and compassionate heart  for all of God’s creation. You were not borne just to serve yourself but to serve others. The benefits to your self-sacrificing services are blessings and strength to overcome obstacles you’ll face the rest of your life. We hope  strength, peace and  joy will travel with you to end of your life. Never forget your journey is different from other teenagers because you are uniquely created.  You should be you and not someone else. You must always desire to manager your anger by applying critical thinking when faced with complex conflicts.

Written: Billy J. Strawter, Sr

© EnviCare Consulting, Inc                 all Rights Reserved

Parents Feel Angry, Betrayed, Disappointed and Hurt When Teenagers Don’t Tell the Truth

Parents Feel  Angry, Betrayed, Disappointed and Hurt When Teenagers Don’t Tell The Truth

Parenting teenagers can be very challenging sometimes as they seek their independence. Sometimes parents wonder did they received the right baby from the hospital because the child is disconnected from the family. It’s amazing as parents observe their children grow up they wonder what will they become as an adult. The greatest hope is for their teenagers to be protected from emotional scares and the desire for the youngsters to be very successful. Suddenly, a great storm arises in the relationship do to an unbelievable choice the child made. The parents didn’t hear about the problem from their teen but were informed by someone else.  It’s an emotional roller coaster for parents when their adolescents fail to tell them the truth.  Listed below is how parents feel when their teens avoid telling the truth when they are in trouble.

How do you feel when your children don’t tell you the truth?

Stacy’s Responses:

  • It depends upon what’s it about and I try to talk to her
  • I want to know the reason for not telling me the truth

Deborah’s Responses:

  • I feel angry, frustrated and disappointed
  • I start yelling and screaming
  • I don’t listen
  • Teenagers don’t trust me

Ted’s Responses:

  • Disappointed because they ate making bad choices
  • Frustrated because I think what did I do wrong
  • Sadden because they are not open to telling me the truth

Albert’s Responses:

  • I feel let down
  • I feel angry and disappointed
  • I haven’t done my job

Kathie Responses:

  • I feel like I haven’t done my job
  • I ask myself where did I go wrong
  • I think back to trust, does my child not trust me

Hillary Responses:

  • I feel my teen have betrayed me
  • They are wrong
  • They don’t trust me
  • I feel I failed them
  • I feel hurt and angry

Paulina’s Responses:

  • I feel very sad that my teen don’t trust me to tell me what happened
  • I feel betrayed and disappointed

Carries’ Responses:

  • I feel sad and hurt because you have taught them right from wrong
  • Disappointed that they can’t talk to us about anything

Lee’s Responses:

  • I am disappointed, lost trust, and angry at my teen
  • I am in disbelief

Julia’s Responses:

  • Betrayed
  • Let down
  • Hurt
  • Disappointed

Marcia’s Responses:

  • Upset
  • Angry
  • Disappointed

Advice for teenagers

Teenagers, I encourage you to understand how untruthfulness hurt your parents’ feelings which creates different emotions. You must do everything within your power to always tell your parents the truth. Don’t hide anything from them but be brave, caring and understanding. They might overreact but their love for you will last forever. You must be patient with your parents as they process why you didn’t tell the truth. Let unconditional love and respect for your parents be the guiding light for you all the days of your life. Listed be are several responses that are common to parents:

  1. They are disappointed in their teenagers lack of truthfulness
  2. They felt betrayed because their teens weren’t willing to tell the truth
  3. They lost trust in their teens because they weren’t honest
  4. They were very angry with their teenagers for not being open
  5. They felt as though they had failed as parents

Teenager, please process your parents’ feelings and emotions. Ponder upon their feelings in your heart, soul and mind. Once again, always apply truth daily in your life. Always remember that parents feel angry, betrayed, disappointed and hurt when teenagers don’t tell the truth.

 

Written By: Billy J. Strawter, Sr

© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.               All Rights Reserved

Mothers and Fathers Share Reasons Children Don’t Tell Parents the Truth When Teens Are in Trouble

Mothers and Fathers Share Reasons Children Don’t Tell Parents the Truth When Teens Are in Trouble

I wrote a previous article on “Why Children Don’t Tell Parents the Truth When in Trouble “. In the article, I focused on teenagers’ perspectives on the issue of not telling the truth. This article contains parents’ perspectives on adolescents’ wiliness not to speak the truth to their mother and father. During the discussion with the parents, they were very engaged in sharing their thoughts regarding the question listed below:

Why teenagers don’t tell parents the truth when they are in trouble?

Debbie’s perspectives:

  1. Children are afraid of being discipline
  2. Parents won’t understand why the adolescent got in trouble
  3. Parents will yell and scream at the teen
  4. Teens are afraid of being grounded and punishment

Ted’s perspectives:

  1. Youngster believe they can resolve their own problems
  2. Child fear of disappointing their parents
  3. Children scared of possible punishment

Albert’s perspectives

  1. Teens are afraid of punishment
  2. Children know they have let their parents down
  3. Adolescents think they can handle it without parents help
  4. Teens don’t want to hear you yell at them

Kathy’s perspectives

  1. Some children are afraid of their parents response
  2. It’s hard for some teenagers to trust their parents
  3. Teens thinks they can get away with it
  4. Some adolescent lack communication skills

Henry’s Perspectives

  1. Children don’t tell parents the truth when they’re in trouble because they are afraid of consequence
  2. Teens don’t have faith that their mothers and fathers will understand
  3. Children think it will blow over

 Wilma’s Perspectives

  1. Parents will try to change their opinion
  2. They think they can fix and hide the truth before parents find out

Pauline’s Perspectives

  1. Teens are afraid of what the parents are going to say
  2. Teenagers may feel that their parents are going to be disappointed in them
  3. The youngsters don’t want to be punished

Carrie’s Perspective

  1. Teens are afraid of how the parent will react
  2. Teens are embarrassed about what they did.
  3. Teens are scared of consequences

Hope’s perspectives

  1. My child doesn’t tell me the truth for fear of how I will overreact
  2. Teens are afraid of consequences
  3. Kids don’t won’t to disappoint parents

Lee’s Perspective

  1. Teens don’t want to upset parents
  2. Children don’t want to have parents lose trust
  3. Adolescents don’t want to lose privileges
  4. They are ashamed or embarrassed

 Advise for parents and teenagers

The parents’ responses were very accurate and collaborated with the teenagers’ perspective as to why they don’t tell parents the truth when they are in trouble.  The million dollar question is why is it difficult for parents to respond to their children with compassion when the teen lies.

I believe parents yell and scream because of shock, and disappointment in their child’s behavior. Many parents are very surprised and never believed their adolescent would have purposefully chosen to get in trouble.  Sometimes parents purposely ignore the signs that their teen is doing something wrong as if it will go away but it won’t. The issue must be address right away. There are some parents who just don’t care but I believe most parents care how they respond to their teenagers’ negative behavior.

Teens, I encourage you to get more engaged with your parents and always tell them the truth. Please consider applying the seventeen (17) steps below to telling the truth when you are in trouble:

  1. Tell your parents the truth regardless of the consequences or punishments
  2. Don’t’ be afraid of your parents or being grounded
  3. Don’t try to handle the problem by yourself
  4. Place faith in your parents
  5. Never believe the problem will blow over
  6. Approach your parents with a humbled heart to tell them the truth
  7. Tell your parents you are in trouble before they hear the bad news from someone else
  8. Communicate your feelings with respect to your parents
  9. Avoid telling half trues to your mother or father because it won’t make life easier
  10. Don’t’ fear that your parents will be upset about you being in trouble ( A concerned parent will be upset)
  11. Be prepared to know your parents might respond by yelling and screaming
  12. Don’t shut down while communicating with your parents when they overreact to the situation
  13. Admit that your behavior was wrong
  14. Don’t blame your peers or others for your poor decision
  15. Apologize to your parents for making the wrong choices
  16. Love your parents unconditionally
  17. Ask for forgiveness and immediately start making better choices

Teens, it is wise to invest these seventeen (17) steps in your life. Why, you will be more enthusiastic about speaking the truth to your parents when you are in trouble.  Your parents love you very much. If your parents can help, please contact a relative, or school counselor or youth organization that willing to help. You should always communicate the truth to your parents when you are in trouble.

Written By:  Billy J. Strawter, Sr

© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.                               All Rights Reserved

Changes Teenagers Need of Their Father to Improve Relationship

Have you ever had the desire for someone to change their negative behavior because it was destroying or damaging the relationship? I am quite sure your answer is probably, yes! As a parent, I have made many mistakes but I always valued our teenagers’ perspective on things. Sometimes we disagreed but we did everything we could to prevent damaging the relationship. My greatest desire was to always respect my adolescents’ opinions.

Video: Stategies for a father to improve relationship with their teenager

Listed below are changes teenagers said they needed of their father to improve their relationship:

 Sierra: “My father and I have a good relationship. But I know I have a lot of hostility against him because of how much he drinks. I don’t. normally let the hostility out but sometimes I do. I know sometime it hurt but it hurts me to watch him drink every day.”

Sara wants her father to stop drinking because of the damage the alcohol is doing to her father physically and emotionally. She was very concerned about the impact on their relationship. I hope that one day Sierra’s father will stop drinking so that her life will be better as they rebuild their relationship. Her father needs to seek help to stop drinking. I pray and hope he will make a commitment to get help.

Frank: “My pop needs to listens to me more often

 Vanessa: “My father needs to talk to me instead of arguing with me.”

Dallas: “My father needs to spend more time with me and be there for me without yelling at me. Talk to me instead of yelling at me.”

Tammy: “My daddy needs to be in my life more.  Daddy needs to understand where I am coming from about everything.”

Hillary: “I wish my dad would come to see me more often and spend time with me. I also want my dad to love me in spite of all the mistakes I have made!”

Ruby: “My father needs to talk to me more often and don’t tell me he’s going to do things for me and then he doesn’t follow through”

Comments on teenagers’ responses to question

Adolescents are wonderful to be around to engage in a conversation about life. Teens are very intelligent but some have deficiencies in life skills which may and may not be as a result of their doing. These teenagers shared their feelings but sometimes they fail to share their feelings with their father. Listed below are 16 steps every father in the world should consider to improve their relationship with their teenager:

Fifteen (16) steps for a father to improve relationship with their teenager

  1. Always keep your promise
  2. Do not make a promise you can’t keep
  3.  Explain why you can’t keep the promise before hand, if the promise must be broken
  4. Avoid substance of abuse to prevent damaging the relationship with your teenager.
  5. Take time to listen and give advice only when your teenager ask for it
  6.  Do not yell at your teenager but speak firmly with a loving and caring heart
  7.  Make spending time with your teenager a high priority
  8.  Avoid working when you are spending time with your teenager
  9. Communicate your feelings with respect to your teenager during conflict
  10. Do not give material things as a substitute to spending time with your teenager
  11. Model being a great father to your youth
  12. Teach your teenager the life skills needed to be successful
  13. Show unconditional love regardless of the number of wrong choices your youngster makes
  14. Model to your adolescent the value of serving others
  15. Value your teenager’s opinion as a supportive father building a relationship your teenager
  16. Show your teenager what it means to be committed to a relationship

Written: Billy J.  Strawter, Sr

(c) 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.   All rights reserved