Tag Archives: Yelling

Changes Mothers Need to Make to Improve Relationship with Teenagers

Changes Mothers Need to Make to Improve Relationship with Teenagers

Recently, I wrote an article regarding changes teenagers needed of their father to improve relationship. I thought it would also be interesting to evaluate how teenagers felt about their relationship with their mothers. Mothers are the greatest asset to the family.  I appreciate them greatly because moms bring a wealth of commitment, care and love to the family. Their energy fosters the right kind of family foundation. Every family needs emotional stability in the home. It’s amazing how many mothers multitask for the survival of the family.  Listed below are teenagers’ responses to the following questions:

What changes your mother needs to make to improve her relationship with you?

Sarah’s Responses:

“She needs to get better control of her emotions; I don’t think she realizes how her words affect me emotionally. I also think she needs to understand that we are two different people, which means we won’t always see eye to eye. Even though I am her child, she still has to respect my beliefs and opinions as she expects me to respect her.”

Frank’s Response:

“Mom needs to trust me more and try not to bring up the past all the time”

 Vivian’s Response

“Talk to me instead of yelling

 Doug’s Responses:

“Mom needs to get a job, car and house so that I can live with her part time without going to grandmother. She needs to go tell the court she needs visitation.”

 Tara’s Response:

“I wish mom won’t be so pushy on me. I want mom to be understanding about what I want to do.”

 Quanta’s Responses:

“I wish mother would talk stuff out instead of yelling. Don’t always put her husband over her kids, and I need mom to be there when I need her.

 Raven’s Responses:

“Mom needs to stop yelling so much and believe that sometimes I could be telling the truth. I want mom to stop assuming I am not telling the truth.”

 Cass’s Responses:

“I wish mom would let me enjoy my teen years instead of trying to have me to do and be what she wants me to be. Let me learn from my own mistakes. Mom needs to listen and believe me.”

 Kaila’s Responses:

My mother needs to change a lot. She needs to leave her boyfriend, get clean, and stay clean. Stop lying, stop stealing, take care of self and learn to take constructive criticism. I wish mom would go to rehab and just get better.

 Linda’s Responses:

“I want my mother to trust me more and I want to share anything with my mom. Sometimes, I feel like I can talk to my grandmother about anything before I can talk to my mother. Sometimes I am scared to talk to her so I just leave it to myself. I want to be able to go to places without her thinking I am doing something wrong. All I want is that my mother’s trust me.

 Peter’s Responses:

“My mom needs to work on her temper that she has with me. She needs to stop putting herself first.

 Ashley’s Responses:

“My mother needs to start a trustworthy relationship with me. Mom needs to change her attitude with me. Mom needs to understand I am me and no one else; she needs to improve her attitude and confidence in me and my brother. I never understood why she gets angry towards me after dad left. A lot of things start happening.”

 Haley’s Responses:

“To improve our relationship my mom needs to communicate with me more and try to show me she cares about our relationship. It would also help if she won’t yell as much. If she showed me she could stop yelling, it would help our relationship get better.”

 Sally’s Responses:

“My mom can’t really do anything to improve our relationship. The only thing we need is trust. It’s my fault we don’t have a trusting relationship but only time will improve our relationship.”

 Gray’s Responses:

“I wish my mom would stop going alone with what her boyfriend tells her and stop yelling at me without reason. I need her help once and a while and to have a day where only I and mom can have time together.”

 Tricia’s Responses:

“I wish my mother would stop drinking and stop calling me names. I want mom to be nicer to my little sister and brother, stop sleeping with other guys, stop buying and giving to minors and be a good mom that will listen to me.

 Other Teenagers Responses

  • I wish my mom wouldn’t pick an argument with me
  • Let me do more, trust me and don’t always argue
  • Nothing because we already have a really good relationship
  • My mother needs to be happier. It seems like she’s always mad with me
  • Mom needs to learn to control her anger even if I am the only target in the house
  • Mom needs to stop yelling at me when I’m not doing anything to get yelled at
  • My mother needs to listen to my side of the story instead of jumping to conclusion
  • I wish my mom would ask me nicely to do things instead of automatically get an attitude
  • My mother needs to think things through before she reacts and she needs to stop overreacting to the little things
  • My mom and I have a good relationship and no changes are needed
  • Mother needs to listen more and stop thinking she knows everything all the time
  • I wish mom would get me help when I need it

 Advice for Parents

There are so many factors that contribute to a great or poor relationship with teenagers. The information contained in this article is designed to give parents insight on how some teens feel about their mother. Mothers throughout the world are faced with many challenges raising children and especially when they become adolescents. Every parent should put their children first but don’t forget to stay healthy by exercising, eating healthy foods and spending time to yourself for relaxation. Please utilize trusted family members or friends to help you through the challenges you are facing with your youngsters. Listed below are simple recommendations on building a better relationship with your teenagers:

  1. Spend personal time with your teens
  2. Stop yelling at your children
  3. Listen with your heart
  4. Stop overreacting to teens negative behavior
  5. Think before you overreact
  6. Don’t believe you are always right
  7. Avoid valuing your boyfriend over your children
  8. Stop substance abuse
  9. Minimize getting an attitude and being angry
  10. Let the adolescents know you love them unconditionally
  11. Allow your youngsters to build trust
  12. Allow them to make some mistakes and help the teenagers work through the mistakes
  13. Show confidence in your children
  14. Don’t be angry with your children if you are going through a divorce or if your husband left you
  15. Don’t expect teenagers to be like someone else. Let your teens be themselves
  16. Accept constructive criticism from your children
  17. Avoid using of cruse words
  18. Do not emotionally scare your children
  19. Build a great relationship with your teenagers
  20. Encourage them often instead of calling them bad names
  21. Communicate with respect to your teens
  22. Eat dinner together and attend religious service with your children
  23. Give your teenagers help when needed
  24. Don’t’ always think your teenagers are doing something wrong
  25. Know where your teens  are on the weekend and who they hangout with

Mothers, you have tremendous influential power over your children. I encourage all moms to build a dynamic and un-destructible relationship with their teenagers. Children are an extension of you and sometimes you can see you in them. It’s fantastic to understand that regardless of the negative circumstances you face in life, you have a big heart to deal with it. Time will always heal a broken relationship but it takes a lot of forgiveness. Please listen and understand your teenagers. I hope God will give you the strength and the desire to maintain, improve and endure your relationship with your teenager, persevere.

Written by: Billy J. Strawter, Sr.

 © 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.         All Rights Reserved

Teenagers Journey in Anger Management and Critical Thinking Classes

Teenagers Journey in Anger Management and Critical Thinking Classes

As parents, we sometimes fail to recognize the complexity of adolescences lives. Every day many of our youngsters deal with issues we didn’t face as teenagers.  For example, we weren’t apprehensive about our friends posting private information on social media, bullying and epidemic of divorce in society, and traveling to different parents’ homes as result of the divorce. They are subject to different rules which cause conflict within their hearts. The lack of stability in the family is destroying many teens and they are becoming very angry. Some are becoming more disrespectful to adults and their parents. All these things impact the quality of parents, mothers, and leaders that will guide us in the future.

Parents can’t protect their children always so it our parental responsibility to teach the adolescences the skills needed to survive the confusion of life. We can guide teens by preparing  them to control their feelings and emotions when faced with conflicts. Listed below are teen’s comments regarding two classes they attended called Anger Management and Critical Thinking. The teens learned first how to control their anger and then how to apply critical thinking from stories written by teenagers and adults.

Roseland’s Comments:

“Throughout my journey in the anger management and critical thinking class it helped me to realize that there is more to life. It helped me to realize that I’m very close-minded. If I had these skills before I got in a bad situation, the outcome would have been completely different because it wouldn’t have happen.  As much as I hated I got caught, I recognized God had a better plan. He gave me an opportunity meet an amazing teacher. These classes were very beneficial for me. I am sad that my journey in these classes has come to an in. I am sad but hopeful because I know I got something out of the classes that can never be taken away from me. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and my reason was to be planted in the anger management and critical thinking classes.”

Vera’s Comments

“The anger management and critical thinking classes impacted my life so much. I learned how to control my attitude (feelings and emotions) and temper (revenge and anger).  I would fight, yell, scream, and do things that were very disrespectful. Now I know to communicate my feeling with respect and not get out of hand by yelling and fighting.  Being in the classes for eight weeks, it taught me to do the right thing.  In the future, I know when I am in a situation I can resolve the conflict without fighting or yelling. I have benefited so much from being in the classes and I am glad I took them.”

Dale’s Comments:

“Over the past eight week, I have learned a lot of good things that I can use later in life or when I get into a tough situation or when I need to control my attitude and temper. I learned that when I am mad, it’s best to think about what I’m going to do before I do it. If I don’t, it will have a hug negative impact on my present and future. Therefore, when control my attitude and temper it will have a positive impact on my life. I will be able to talk through a situation without arguing and adding fuel to the situation.  I learned that what you put in your piggy bank that’s what you will get out.  The piggy bank represents my brain. This means if you like arguing or fighting that is what you will do every most times. If you resolve conflict respectfully, it well becomes a habit. Therefore, I learned to be respectful and now I am being more responsible which leads to positive outcomes.”

 

 

 

 

Lovelene’s comments:

“Anger management and critical thinking classes taught me how to stay in control of my temper, and attitude. I get mad quickly but I don’t talk it out with anyone then it lowers my self-esteem. I learned not to let my temper control me. For example, I take time out before I react to a negative situation. I am working harder on getting my education. I like critical thinking better because it had examples of problems teenagers go through. It makes you think if I was in that person place what would I do to be honest and make right choices. I learned about the importance of a relationship relating to love, honesty, and trust as it relates to my parents. I am grateful that I had an opportunity to be involved with the anger management and critical thinking classes. It makes teens realize that their mistakes can lead to bad situation and without making teenagers feel bad.”

Kaleen’s Comments:

“The anger management and critical thinking classes changed my life in many ways. I appreciated the help to keep from having sticky fingers. I am thankful to receive another chance in life because I probably would have gone to a juvenile detention facility or someplace bad.  It was nice being in the classes because I learned how to better control my attitude and temper. I am talking more nicely and now walk away from others whose doing wrong. I am so thankful for a second chance and I will do better with my life.”

Comments

The common things that benefited the teenagers as result of attending an anger management and critical thinking classes are listed below:

  1. Improved their self-esteem
  2. Started  to think  more positive of themselves and others
  3. Became more responsible which lead to positive outcomes
  4. Started to speak kindhearted to people
  5. Appreciated being given a second chance
  6. Learned to control their attitude and temper
  7. Valued being taught how to control their anger
  8. Built better relationship with family and peers
  9. Communicated better with their parents and others
  10. Learned it was okay to attend anger management and critical thinking classes
  11. Decided education was very important for their future.
  12. Applied more positive thinking

The teenagers that attended the anger management and critical thinking classes had no idea how their lives would be influenced. The teenagers weren’t interested and the teens were afraid of attending the classes. They didn’t want to be ridiculed doing the classes nor disrespected. However, many of the youngsters found comfort because they knew the classes were for their best interest. They felt the teach had a caring and compassionate heart for them.

Advice for Youngsters

Teens, if you are experiencing anger problems, don’t hesitate to attend classes that will empower you to control your attitude and temper. Persevere to avoid investing in your heart things that will negatively affect your character and relationship with others. Please improve your life skills which will aid you when conflicts occur. It’s healthier to be prepared before you are confronted with difficult situations. You are absolutely important to the success of society, and there is high expectation of  teens to mature and to be successful responsible adults.  In the future, you possibly will become  fathers or mothers or leaders and your life skills will be very critically important.

We need you to lead our country with a caring and compassionate heart  for all of God’s creation. You were not borne just to serve yourself but to serve others. The benefits to your self-sacrificing services are blessings and strength to overcome obstacles you’ll face the rest of your life. We hope  strength, peace and  joy will travel with you to end of your life. Never forget your journey is different from other teenagers because you are uniquely created.  You should be you and not someone else. You must always desire to manager your anger by applying critical thinking when faced with complex conflicts.

Written: Billy J. Strawter, Sr

© EnviCare Consulting, Inc                 all Rights Reserved

Challenges Teenagers Are Facing With Their Parents

Challenges Teenagers Are Facing With Their Parents

I had an excellent opportunity to ask a group of teenagers about challenges they are personally facing with their parents. The teenagers were very opened to responding to the question. I do believe they were honest about their feelings. I hope the information contained within this article will assist everyone in understanding the challenges teenagers are facing with their parents. We need to understand the struggles  teenagers are experiencing in life in order to assist the teenagers in their development. Listed below are their responses:

What challenges are you facing with your parents?

Mercy: The challenges I am facing with my parents are they don’t trust me anymore because of the wrong choices I have made and because of the friends I make. They don’t help me when I need help.

Tom: Some of the challenges I am facing with my parents are poor communication and they are not listening to what I have to say. They do not give me a chance to make a decision on what I want to do. Most of the time, I do what they want or tell me to do but I never really get a say.

Jacob: The challenges I’m facing is with my mom. She is always thinking that I am lying.  Most of the times I take her things without permission but I can’t help myself. I try to ask but when I do she says no. I get mad and angry when she says no. When I ask my mother for something, she normally says no.  I end up taking whatever she said no to.  Then I say I asked and try to be nice.

Nathan: Some challenges I face with my parents is actual getting alone with one of them. We sometimes don’t see eye to eye. It gets hard when you are in the same household. That’s why I live with the parent I live with because I feel more comfortable and relaxed with. Another challenge that I face with my parents is being in self-control. We get out of control when a situation comes up.  Instead of solving the problem calmly and respectable, we react with yelling and disrespect.

Phillip:  The challenges I face with my parent are:

  1. They use up all the gas.
  2. They are gone all the time.
  3.  I am not allowed to hang out with certain friends.
  4. We have issues about my messy room and asking for money.
  5. We are arguing about grades.
  6. I am always being locked in my room.
  7. Yelling!

Faye: The challenges I am facing with my parents is that they don’t trust me. They never trust me know matter what it is. Another thing is they have trouble understanding me. They think they do and they do try. But they still fail to trust and understand me.

 Mark: The challenges I am facing with my parents are:

  1. They don’t trust me
  2. Problems with my dad
  3. Issues over homework
  4. My parents over complaining
  5. Issues with my siblings

Cam: I have a close relationship with my parents. But if we ever have any problems, it is about going out with friends and that I am hanging around. Some of my friends my parents don’t particular like.

Emmanuel:  I am at a very rebellious stage in my life. I want to be able to do what I won’t to do. I want them to stop trying to make my decision for me. This is a big challenge, but I am winning. As long as what I am doing does not affect how well I do in school nor put my life in danger, they should have no say in what I do.

Dexter: The challenges I am facing with my parents is them not believing in me when I get in trouble or tell the truth. Another issue is when we both disagree on something. Sometimes I can hear like a crying sound in her force but no tears.

Debbie:  The challenges I am facing with my parents is that I am never really able to get along with my mom for longer than three hours. Because when I am talking to her she will say that she does not want to hear it even if it’s something that I am worried about. It’s not like I have a dad I can communicate with because he passed away in a car accident before I was one year old. When I and my mom actually do get along its fun but I know it won’t last for long.

Ray: Some challenges I am facing is communication at this time. They don’t always listen to what I have to say or give me a chance to make a decision on what I want to do. Most of the time, I just do what they want to do or tell me to do so I never really get a say.

Parents, I hope you have had an opportunity to reflect on the issues teenagers or facing with their parents.   Maybe you are facing similar issues with your teenager and you are struggling how to deal with your situation. All of the issues they wrote about can be easily dealt with. As a parent and grandparent who have worked with teenagers for many years, the common mistakes parents make are listed below:

  1. Don’t have dinner frequently as a family. Eating dinner as a family helps with communication, listening and understanding what the teenager is facing.
  2. Don’t allow there teenager to rebuild trust as a result of the bad choices the teenager made in the past.
  3. Lack of awareness of their teenager need to make their own decision sometimes. They need to make decision even though sometimes they might fail.  You must guide your teenager through this stage of development because eventually they might become parents. It’s okay to monitor their thinking’s process, and give them some guidance with a loving, caring and compassionate heart.
  4. Unaware of the issues the teenager is facing in school.  Set aside time to get involved in the school and get to know your teenager’s teachers as well as the teenager’s friend.
  5. Didn’t take an opportunity to adequately explain to the teenager the reasons they can’t hang out with certain friends. It’s very important that the decision to limit who the teenager hangs out with is based on health and safety of the teenager. For example, a teenager was told that he couldn’t hang out with a friend because he was goofy. I asked him “What did your mother mean? He explained that his mother said “He was too messy.”  This is not a realistic reason to request that the teenager don’t hang out with his friend.
  6. Didn’t communicate their feelings to the teenager with respect without yelling
  7. Over reacting when the teenager make wrong choices

Parents, please take the time to understand, listen, trust, avoid yelling, and become the greatest role model for your teenager. There are other role models in your teenager’s life but you must be the greatest. A strong relationship with your teenager will maximize your ability to influence the teenager in an awesome way. You will always experience some challenges with your teenager. However, when the teenager becomes an adult the life skills you taught the teenager will be absolutely valuable and beneficial.

Written by: Billy J. Strawter, Sr.

© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.                                       All Rights Reserved

Parents Reflect on The Importance of Attending A Parenting Workshop

 I have decided to share with my followers the reflections of parents who attended a parenting workshop. The parenting workshop focused on strategies useful for parents to raise and build better relationship with their children. As a reader, I hope you will obtain additional insight on changes you might need to enhance your parenting skills as it relates to your family.  There are duplications but it was necessary to communicate what parents have in common.  I believe their reflections on parenting skills are beneficial to individuals with children and individuals that plan to have children in the future.  I personally enjoyed reading their comments. As you read about what parents learned and what parents will do differently, you will observe that the common strategies needed to improve parenting skills are:

  • Listen better
  • Stop yelling
  • Discontinue walking away from the child
  • Improve communication
  •  Be more patient

 Listed below are parents’ reflections after they attended a parenting skills workshop:

 Parents Share The Things They Learned During A Parenting Workshop

  •  How to deal better with my children
  • I learned a lot about new ways to deal with my kids
  • Parenting skills
  • Learned new techniques and skills to use when parenting
  • Set goals boundaries and consequences. Tools to deal with confrontation
  • I need to listen to my children more than I am doing
  • I was a refresher
  • I learned ways to interact with my child
  • How to communicate with family and how good the teacher taught us
  • Take time and listen
  • Techniques to help me better in parenting my children
  • Think a lot more before I react
  • You get what you put into parenting
  • How to be a better parent and person
  • That you should listen to your children
  • Listen to your kids and never walk away from them
  • To listen to our children
  • Family values and how to be an effective parent.
  • How to listen before I speak
  • Listen and don’t walk away
  • I learned parenting is hard but with the right parenting skills and tools it can lead to a successful child
  • How to take the time to listen to my children before reacting
  • I learned I wasn’t the only one with these types of problems
  • How to talk to my children better
  • I learn a lot about myself and what I can do to improve my parenting skills
  • It was nice to be present with other parents going through the same thing

 Parents Share The Things They Will Do Differently After Attending A Parenting Workshop

  •  Listen more
  • Take time to really listen for my kids
  • Listen to my kids
  • Listen to my child more
  • Must listen and communicate more with my children
  • I will listen more and give them more power
  • Listen better
  • Open up the lines of communication with my daughter
  • Communicate with my family and try to stop arguing
  • I have learned a lot of things I will implement ASAP. The first thing I am going to do is stop yelling
  • I will listen to the needs of our child. Communicate with them and walk together in all areas of life
  • Listen before speaking and reacting
  • Try to listen better
  • Treat my children with respect
  • I will change the way and manner of approaching my children.
  • Listen before I speak
  • I will listen and I won’t walk away
  • I will improve my listening skills and spend more time talking and understanding my child
  • I will listen and not react negatively to my children
  • I will not to walk away from my child when angry. I will sit and listen
  • Spend more time with my children
  • I will be more patient and listen better
  • I won’t don’t yell and walk away when I get mad

 Written by:  Mr. Wisdom

(c) EnviCare Consulting, Inc.                                                   All Rights Reserved Worldwide