Mistakes Parents Made with Their Children through Their Adolescence Years
Parents, have you ever made mistakes with your children and wished you had handled the situations differently? I personally don’t know of a single parent that hasn’t made mistakes with their children. I have counseled parents that deliberately hurt their children because of their own negative experiences during childhood. One thing I do know is that you can’t take back the mistakes but you can learn from them and make better choices in the future. I encourage mothers and fathers to avoid making mistakes that will damage your children emotionally for the rest of their lives. The core foundations of families in society are broken such as in the development of the emotional, educational, physical and spiritual needs of the children.
During a life skills workshop, I had a fantastic dialog with mothers and fathers relative the mistakes they made with their children. I ask the parents what mistakes you made raising your children. I hope you enjoy reading their responses listed below.
What mistakes have you made raising your children?
“I did not listen enough when they were trying to tell me something and there was not sufficient communication with my children. I yelled back at them when they were yelling at me and I did not follow through with discipline. I said many negative things in arguments we had. I did not give my youngsters enough attention when they needed it most. I did not praise them enough on their accomplishments. I put some of my own needs before theirs. I said negative things about their father a few times to the children, and I did n0t set boundaries. I did not build a great family relationship. I did not keep them in sports so they were not out in the streets which would have stopped them from getting into trouble. There was not enough trust and love toward my children.”
“I let my teenage son always get what he wants. I would bribe him with money. I let him miss school when he wanted to. I never really sat down and talked to my son. I never gave him a chance to let me know how he felt. I used to choose my friends and partying over my son. I would put my girlfriend before him”
“I did not give my youngsters rules as they got older. I yelled first and had guilt afterward. I tried to be their friend instead of their parent. I gave in often after I punished in quilt. I yelled a lot to get my point across then I just forgot about the situation.”
“As a single parent, I gave and gave instead of them earning or working for things. I feel things would have been better if I had set more boundaries. As a single parent, I had so many grounds to cover as a mom and dad. I was their mother and father. They are older now and not really respecting my struggles and responsibility as a concerned mother. I can’t hold their hands and walk them through life, and they have to do their part; such as school, getting a job, and move out on their own, and live a life of love.”
“I was not there all the time for my children. I did not listen to them more about their feelings. I didn’t show them the right and the wrong way. I should have been more responsible. I said the wrong thing too much and I did not do enough discipline with my children.”
“Some mistakes I made were not listening and I sometimes say things off the handle instead of listening. I sometimes say things out of anger which sometimes hurt as bad as being shot. I spoiled my kids to the point that my daughter thinks every pair of Jordan’s shoes that come out she should get them. I think I let my son get away with too much which makes my daughter think it is okay to do. When I put my kids on punishment they should stick to it. But I let them off punishment early which made the youngsters think mom is mad today but I can leave tomorrow. I talked bad things about the kids’ father when frustrated and the kids heard it. Sometimes, I lose my temper and just acted in a way my kids should not see. So what I am saying is that what I do is a prime example of what my kids do. But I will never give up and will change with the help of God.”
“I have been distance, selfish and wrapped up in my own personal problems”
“I have not paid sufficient attention to them and taken their concerns seriously. I have been distance, selfish and wrapped up in my own personal problems. I have not shown enough love to my children nor told them enough. I forgot promises made and did not follow through with the obligations. I have not spent enough time with them nor been involved with their lives. I fought with their mother over unimportant things. I have not financially supportive my children enough. I have pushed them for the bad things but I have not’ praised them enough for the good things my children do.”
“I gave my children too much and I let them do things after we said no. I spoiled my children and yelled at them too much. I got angry at some of the silly things. Not talking to grandparents about what we do and do not want our children to have. Not listening to spouse when making decisions because of different points of view. Not being aware of who my children are socializing with. Not discussing situation with my spouse before either one sets punishment and spouse not being on the same page.”
You have read about the mistakes parents made with their children. I am hopeful you will seriously look at the dynamics of your family. Perhaps there are some changes you need to make in your household with your children. Here are 20 steps parents can use to avoid making damaging mistakes with your youngsters.
- Spend time with your children
- Stop what you are doing and listen to your children when they are trying to tell you something
- Follow through when disciplining your youngsters
- Praise your children sufficiently on their accomplishments
- Avoid saying negative things to your children during conflict
- Don’t’ talk negatively to your children about mother or father
- Model the right way you want your children to live
- Give your children rules and boundaries
- Know who your children spent time with
- Avoid losing your temper in front of your children
- Don’t forget the promises you made to your youngsters
- Take your children concerns seriously
- Get your children counseling if needed
- Follow through on your obligation for your adolescences
- Work together with spouse when disciplining your children
- Avoid saying the wrong things too much
- Support the family financially
- Inform grandparents the thing you prefer them not to give to your children
- Avoid spoiling your children too much
- Do not be your children friend but instead be the parent
Finally, you can not control your children but you must give them the skills needed to make the right choices when they are not around you. When you make a mistake with your children, please apologize and ask them to forgive you. You have the power and the ability to invest wisely in your children’ lives.
Written by: Billy J. Strawter, Sr
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