Tag Archives: youngsters

Mistakes Parents Made with Their Children through Their Adolescence Years

Mistakes Parents Made with Their Children through Their Adolescence Years

Parents, have you ever made mistakes with your children and wished you had handled the situations differently? I personally don’t know of a single parent that hasn’t made mistakes with their children.  I have counseled parents that deliberately hurt their children because of their own negative experiences during childhood. One thing I do know is that you can’t take back the mistakes but you can learn from them and make better choices in the future.  I encourage mothers and fathers to avoid making mistakes that will damage your children emotionally for the rest of their lives. The core foundations of families in society are broken such as in the development of the emotional, educational, physical and spiritual needs of the children.

During a life skills workshop, I had a fantastic dialog with mothers and fathers relative the mistakes they made with their children. I ask the parents what mistakes you made raising your children. I hope you enjoy reading their responses listed below.

What mistakes have you made raising your children?

Mary’s Mistakes

“I did not listen enough when they were trying to tell me something and there was not sufficient communication with my children. I yelled back at them when they were yelling at me and I did not follow through with discipline. I said many negative things in arguments we had. I did not give my youngsters enough attention when they needed it most. I did not praise them enough on their accomplishments. I put some of my own needs before theirs. I said negative things about their father a few times to the children, and I did n0t set boundaries. I did not build a great family relationship. I did not keep them in sports so they were not out in the streets which would have stopped them from getting into trouble. There was not enough trust and love toward my children.”

Val’s Mistakes

“I let my teenage son always get what he wants. I would bribe him with money. I let him miss school when he wanted to. I never really sat down and talked to my son. I never gave him a chance to let me know how he felt. I used to choose my friends and partying over my son. I would put my girlfriend before him”

Sally’s Mistakes

“I did not give my youngsters rules as they got older. I yelled first and had guilt afterward. I tried to be their friend instead of their parent. I gave in often after I punished in quilt. I yelled a lot to get my point across then I just forgot about the situation.”

Susana’s Mistakes

“As a single parent, I gave and gave instead of them earning or working for things. I feel things would have been better if I had set more boundaries. As a single parent, I had so many grounds to cover as a mom and dad. I was their mother and father. They are older now and not really respecting my struggles and responsibility as a concerned mother. I can’t hold their hands and walk them through life, and they have to do their part; such as school, getting a job, and move out on their own, and live a life of love.”

Rosesetta’s Mistakes

“I was not there all the time for my children. I did not listen to them more about their feelings. I didn’t show them the right and the wrong way. I should have been more responsible. I said the wrong thing too much and I did not do enough discipline with my children.”

Angelica’s Mistakes

“Some mistakes I made were not listening and I sometimes say things off the handle instead of listening. I sometimes say things out of anger which sometimes hurt as bad as being shot. I spoiled my kids to the point that my daughter thinks every pair of Jordan’s shoes that come out she should get them. I think I let my son get away with too much which makes my daughter think it is okay to do. When I put my kids on punishment they should stick to it. But I let them off punishment early which made the youngsters think mom is mad today but I can leave tomorrow. I talked bad things about the kids’ father when frustrated and the kids heard it. Sometimes, I lose my temper and just acted in a way my kids should not see. So what I am saying is that what I do is a prime example of what my kids do. But I will never give up and will change with the help of God.”

Brandon’s Mistakes

“I have been distance, selfish and wrapped up in my own personal problems”

“I have not paid sufficient attention to them and taken their concerns seriously. I have been distance, selfish and wrapped up in my own personal problems. I have not shown enough love to my children nor told them enough. I forgot promises made and did not follow through with the obligations. I have not spent enough time with them nor been involved with their lives. I fought with their mother over unimportant things. I have not financially supportive my children enough. I have pushed them for the bad things but I have not’ praised them enough for the good things my children do.”

Mark’s Mistakes

“I gave my children too much and I let them do things after we said no. I spoiled my children and yelled at them too much. I got angry at some of the silly things. Not talking to grandparents about what we do and do not want our children to have. Not listening to spouse when making decisions because of different points of view. Not being aware of who my children are socializing with. Not discussing situation with my spouse before either one sets punishment and spouse not being on the same page.”

You have read about the mistakes parents made with their children. I am hopeful you will seriously look at the dynamics of your family. Perhaps there are some changes you need to make in your household with your children. Here are 20 steps parents can use to avoid making damaging mistakes with your youngsters.

  1. Spend time with your children
  2. Stop what you are doing and listen to your children when they are trying to tell you something
  3. Follow through when disciplining your youngsters
  4. Praise your children sufficiently on their accomplishments
  5. Avoid saying negative things to your children during conflict
  6. Don’t’ talk negatively to your children about mother or father
  7. Model the right way you want your children to live
  8. Give your children rules and boundaries
  9. Know who your children spent time with
  10. Avoid losing your temper in front of your children
  11. Don’t forget the promises you made to your youngsters
  12. Take your children concerns seriously
  13. Get your children counseling if needed
  14. Follow through on your obligation for your adolescences
  15. Work together with spouse when disciplining your children
  16. Avoid saying the wrong things too much
  17. Support the family financially
  18. Inform grandparents the thing you prefer them not to give to your children
  19. Avoid spoiling your children too much
  20. Do not be your children friend but instead be the parent

Finally, you can not control your children but you must give them the skills needed to make the right choices when they are not around you. When you make a mistake with your children, please apologize and ask them to forgive you.  You have the power and the ability to invest wisely in your children’ lives.

Written by:  Billy J. Strawter, Sr

© EnviCare Consulting Inc.                          All Rights Reserved

Teenagers’ Reflections on What They Like About Their Teachers

Teenagers’ Reflections on What They Like About Their Teachers

Adolescences seem to have a variety of opinions relative to their experiences with teachers. This article focuses on the positive experiences teens’ encountered with their teachers.  Teachers play an important part of teens’ lives and teachers have a great influence on teens’ lives in positive and negative manners. It’s critical for teachers to invest words of encouragement instead of discouragement in teens’ lives. Teachers are great assets to teens, society, and should never neglect to build a strong professional relationship with their teens. We must help youngsters through their adolescents’ years.

Listed below are teens’ reflections relative to the following questions.

What do you like about teachers?

John’s Reflections:

  1. I like when they help you
  2. I like when they are cool
  3. I like funny teachers
  4. I like when a teacher let you use her phone in the class room
  5. When they let you play games
  6. When we watch movies
  7. When they tell you jokes
  8. When they are serious-minded

Davison’s Reflection:

  1. When teachers  are willing to help you
  2. When teachers  want you to learn
  3. You can turn to teachers for advice
  4. When they are role model’s

Christin’s Reflections:

  1. I like teachers who sit down with you when you need help
  2. When they like to make their classes fun and enjoyable
  3.  I like when they have a special relationship with students

Courtney’s Reflections:

  1. That some teachers take late work and you points
  2. They’re someone you can turn to if you need too
  3. Teachers are honest, and you can trust most of them
  4. They give good advice
  5. Teachers want to help teenagers
  6. When they don’t yell at me

LaToya’s Reflections:

  1. When they control their attitude
  2. Help keep me out of trouble
  3. When they are cool
  4. When they have a good relationship with teenagers
  5. Whey they help students

Haley’s Reflections:

  1. I like teachers that are there to help teens
  2. I like when they make sure you understand your work
  3. I like when teachers communicate with you
  4. I like when they are there to help you
  5. I like when teachers are lenient about work because it’s easier to get it done if you have plenty of time

Ashley’s Reflections:

  1. I like most of the teachers because they will understand and read their students
  2. I love that some will help you and give you advise on certain things
  3. Especially when they make a real relationship with their students having them to feel safe

 Comments:

It was very interesting to listen to the teenagers’ reflections on what they liked about teachers. It was a pleasure and honor to have a fantastic dialog with young people.  The most reoccurring statements teens liked about their teachers were when teachers took the time to help, give advice, and built a relationship with the students.

Listed below are recommendations for anyone involved in the lives of teenagers, especially teachers, social workers and youth workers.

  1. Take time to help teenagers with their needs
  2. Build a strong professional relationship with the teens
  3. Be aware of the teens’ behavior because they could be experiencing problems at home or with peers
  4. Give the teens good advice that will help them for a life time
  5. Understand what youngsters are facing on their life’s journey
  6. Make the classroom fun, enjoyable and a very serious environment for the teens to learn.
  7. Find someone else to help the teens if you lack the time
  8. Never yell at your students but speak with a firm and caring heart
  9. Communicate to the teenagers your classroom rules and preserve them throughout the year
  10. Speak words of affirmation to the teenagers

Life is never simple for adolescences and the challenges teenagers face are opportunities for everyone to make a difference in their lives. Youngsters should never feel emptiness because no one cares about them. Let’s shower teenagers with unconditional love to foster success as they face life’s challenges.

Written by: Billy J. Strawter, Sr.

© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.               All Rights Reserved

Changes Mothers Need to Make to Improve Relationship with Teenagers

Changes Mothers Need to Make to Improve Relationship with Teenagers

Recently, I wrote an article regarding changes teenagers needed of their father to improve relationship. I thought it would also be interesting to evaluate how teenagers felt about their relationship with their mothers. Mothers are the greatest asset to the family.  I appreciate them greatly because moms bring a wealth of commitment, care and love to the family. Their energy fosters the right kind of family foundation. Every family needs emotional stability in the home. It’s amazing how many mothers multitask for the survival of the family.  Listed below are teenagers’ responses to the following questions:

What changes your mother needs to make to improve her relationship with you?

Sarah’s Responses:

“She needs to get better control of her emotions; I don’t think she realizes how her words affect me emotionally. I also think she needs to understand that we are two different people, which means we won’t always see eye to eye. Even though I am her child, she still has to respect my beliefs and opinions as she expects me to respect her.”

Frank’s Response:

“Mom needs to trust me more and try not to bring up the past all the time”

 Vivian’s Response

“Talk to me instead of yelling

 Doug’s Responses:

“Mom needs to get a job, car and house so that I can live with her part time without going to grandmother. She needs to go tell the court she needs visitation.”

 Tara’s Response:

“I wish mom won’t be so pushy on me. I want mom to be understanding about what I want to do.”

 Quanta’s Responses:

“I wish mother would talk stuff out instead of yelling. Don’t always put her husband over her kids, and I need mom to be there when I need her.

 Raven’s Responses:

“Mom needs to stop yelling so much and believe that sometimes I could be telling the truth. I want mom to stop assuming I am not telling the truth.”

 Cass’s Responses:

“I wish mom would let me enjoy my teen years instead of trying to have me to do and be what she wants me to be. Let me learn from my own mistakes. Mom needs to listen and believe me.”

 Kaila’s Responses:

My mother needs to change a lot. She needs to leave her boyfriend, get clean, and stay clean. Stop lying, stop stealing, take care of self and learn to take constructive criticism. I wish mom would go to rehab and just get better.

 Linda’s Responses:

“I want my mother to trust me more and I want to share anything with my mom. Sometimes, I feel like I can talk to my grandmother about anything before I can talk to my mother. Sometimes I am scared to talk to her so I just leave it to myself. I want to be able to go to places without her thinking I am doing something wrong. All I want is that my mother’s trust me.

 Peter’s Responses:

“My mom needs to work on her temper that she has with me. She needs to stop putting herself first.

 Ashley’s Responses:

“My mother needs to start a trustworthy relationship with me. Mom needs to change her attitude with me. Mom needs to understand I am me and no one else; she needs to improve her attitude and confidence in me and my brother. I never understood why she gets angry towards me after dad left. A lot of things start happening.”

 Haley’s Responses:

“To improve our relationship my mom needs to communicate with me more and try to show me she cares about our relationship. It would also help if she won’t yell as much. If she showed me she could stop yelling, it would help our relationship get better.”

 Sally’s Responses:

“My mom can’t really do anything to improve our relationship. The only thing we need is trust. It’s my fault we don’t have a trusting relationship but only time will improve our relationship.”

 Gray’s Responses:

“I wish my mom would stop going alone with what her boyfriend tells her and stop yelling at me without reason. I need her help once and a while and to have a day where only I and mom can have time together.”

 Tricia’s Responses:

“I wish my mother would stop drinking and stop calling me names. I want mom to be nicer to my little sister and brother, stop sleeping with other guys, stop buying and giving to minors and be a good mom that will listen to me.

 Other Teenagers Responses

  • I wish my mom wouldn’t pick an argument with me
  • Let me do more, trust me and don’t always argue
  • Nothing because we already have a really good relationship
  • My mother needs to be happier. It seems like she’s always mad with me
  • Mom needs to learn to control her anger even if I am the only target in the house
  • Mom needs to stop yelling at me when I’m not doing anything to get yelled at
  • My mother needs to listen to my side of the story instead of jumping to conclusion
  • I wish my mom would ask me nicely to do things instead of automatically get an attitude
  • My mother needs to think things through before she reacts and she needs to stop overreacting to the little things
  • My mom and I have a good relationship and no changes are needed
  • Mother needs to listen more and stop thinking she knows everything all the time
  • I wish mom would get me help when I need it

 Advice for Parents

There are so many factors that contribute to a great or poor relationship with teenagers. The information contained in this article is designed to give parents insight on how some teens feel about their mother. Mothers throughout the world are faced with many challenges raising children and especially when they become adolescents. Every parent should put their children first but don’t forget to stay healthy by exercising, eating healthy foods and spending time to yourself for relaxation. Please utilize trusted family members or friends to help you through the challenges you are facing with your youngsters. Listed below are simple recommendations on building a better relationship with your teenagers:

  1. Spend personal time with your teens
  2. Stop yelling at your children
  3. Listen with your heart
  4. Stop overreacting to teens negative behavior
  5. Think before you overreact
  6. Don’t believe you are always right
  7. Avoid valuing your boyfriend over your children
  8. Stop substance abuse
  9. Minimize getting an attitude and being angry
  10. Let the adolescents know you love them unconditionally
  11. Allow your youngsters to build trust
  12. Allow them to make some mistakes and help the teenagers work through the mistakes
  13. Show confidence in your children
  14. Don’t be angry with your children if you are going through a divorce or if your husband left you
  15. Don’t expect teenagers to be like someone else. Let your teens be themselves
  16. Accept constructive criticism from your children
  17. Avoid using of cruse words
  18. Do not emotionally scare your children
  19. Build a great relationship with your teenagers
  20. Encourage them often instead of calling them bad names
  21. Communicate with respect to your teens
  22. Eat dinner together and attend religious service with your children
  23. Give your teenagers help when needed
  24. Don’t’ always think your teenagers are doing something wrong
  25. Know where your teens  are on the weekend and who they hangout with

Mothers, you have tremendous influential power over your children. I encourage all moms to build a dynamic and un-destructible relationship with their teenagers. Children are an extension of you and sometimes you can see you in them. It’s fantastic to understand that regardless of the negative circumstances you face in life, you have a big heart to deal with it. Time will always heal a broken relationship but it takes a lot of forgiveness. Please listen and understand your teenagers. I hope God will give you the strength and the desire to maintain, improve and endure your relationship with your teenager, persevere.

Written by: Billy J. Strawter, Sr.

 © 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc.         All Rights Reserved